Making STEM a better place for women

[jweston]

Originally Posted by jweston

One of the things that makes this so difficult is one person's awkward flirting is another's persistent harassment.

Originally Posted by Katie_UPS

This isn't difficult. If a student is feeling harassed, they should have every right to NOT be harassed and the awkward flirting should stop.

Absolutely correct. To clarify, the "this" that's so difficult I was referring to is having this conversation about the topic, not whether or not an action constitutes harassment. Determining harassment only becomes a bit murky when girls don't feel free to object to advances in the clearest way possible. That forces the responsibility onto the actor to be absolutely certain that their actions are welcome and appreciated with 100% enthusiasm. The way to fix this is to change our culture so girls feel completely secure to assert themselves whenever and however they want within the same bounds we'd apply to boys.

There's a rightful stigma associated with harassment. The problem is this stigma can make people defensive since 1) they didn't mean any harm and 2) all of us internalize a lot messages throughout our lives that signal on some level that this behavior is ok as long as you didn't mean harm. People often do the things that they shouldn't when they aren't thinking. That includes creeping. Not that intent (or lack thereof) makes those actions ok at all, but it should inform how the person is corrected.

It's really a lot like if you hit my thumb with a hammer. It may have been an accident but that doesn't make it ok. Why you hit my thumb with a hammer matters a lot to how the situation should be handled in order to ensure it doesn't happen again. A girl who has been conditioned to "be nice" (just go along with it) is like one who has been taught to never yell or scream, even when hit with a hammer. It makes it that much harder for the person with the hammer to realize they've made contact.

My goal is to help people learn how to respect boundaries, not to cast them as vicitms or predators. It gets messy because there are cultural values that tell us guys should be praised for romancing girls and girls should be passive. Those values are one of the most harmful things we're all up against.