Guidelines for Parents

[FrisbeeFunTime]

Originally Posted by Lireal

In the past, my team has had some issues with over-involved parents, and we are writing a set of guidelines that hopefully fix this. I was wondering what written policies you all have implemented to control "helicopter parents".

What are the issues that you have been having exactly. If you have a parent who happens to be a parent of a rookie member who is trying to change the team in ways that the student body doesn't like I would recommend talking to your head mentor and saying that the student body has a problem with this parent. See then if you can have your head mentor talk to the parent about the students concerns.

As for policies to put into place you may want to have something that says that any major actions that a parent that is not mentor want to do it has to go through the leadership first. Wether that is student, mentors, or both would be up to you guys to decide.

[JamesCH95]

Outwardly, it would be helpful to remind parents that they are representing your team at competition, that they hold your team's reputation in their hands when they don a team shirt (so to speak). We had a parent from another team start cussing out our drive team in the pits after they lost to our alliance in eliminations. Someone's grandmother was not proud at all that day. I am assuming that this person was not a registered mentor at least, because I've never seen a mentor act in such a way.

Inwardly, having a parent liaison was one of the best things we ever setup. We took a volunteer parent from a veteran student to act as a guide for parents of all of the newer students. They knew what all of the new parents' questions were, and advised them on what to expect and how they could help the team. We had no surprised parents and no conflicts this year. I would highly recommend this structure to other teams.

[GreyingJay]

Some good points were made already - I think the key is to establish the relationship as early as possible so you, and they, know what to expect.

The parent who makes T-shirts needs to understand the structure of the team in terms of who runs branding and marketing, how to follow the branding guidelines, who gets to make the designs (students?) and of course, how the team budget works! Otherwise they might expect to get "well, thanks for these shirts, but since they don't conform to our team branding, weren't designed/agreed upon by the students, and weren't budgeted for by the team, we can't pay you back and we can't guarantee that they'll be worn".

The parent who shows up at competition and demands changes, could be given a chat about how build season works - when is the time to be brainstorming or suggesting major changes, why such changes could be warranted (or not) in light of robot and game rules, team skill, budget, etc., and how such changes are decided and/or voted on.

We had a parent enthusiastically make suggestions to the drive team about what strategies they should employ - not realizing that (a) their ideas would violate key Stronghold game rules, and (b) that ideas about strategy, coming from anybody, need to go through the drive coach. Next year we will try to point parents to the rules earlier so that they can provide their feedback earlier on, when there's still time to act on suggestions.

Parents love their kids and want what's best for them. Sometimes they get wrapped up in the excitement. We've all seen it, many of us have been there ourselves. The key is to harness that energy We have some very supportive parents on our team - several brought the students' entire families to join us on competition day, and they brought all kinds of things to wear in our team colors. Another set of parents made a huge set of team numbers and signs to hold up in the stands. That was a real treat for the drive team to see!

One of our team awards is called the "Booster Award" and is the award given to the most enthusiastic and supportive parents.

[Monochron]

Firstly, the only effective way to deal with this is to have the mentor/adult most responsible for the team talking directly to the person. My advice is directed at that person on your team.

I'm definitely still learning the best ways to deal with this (and the above responses probably come from more experience than me!) but my best advice would be to be blunt with your intentions when talking with parents like that. It sounds like you are dealing with people who are good at steam rolling a discussion. Remember that you are the one in charge of, and responsible for, the team and tell that parent what you have decided. Something along the lines of "I appreciate what you suggested, but we are going to do this instead". Be open to discussion, but after the discussion has run its course, make a decision and move on. Being quietly firm can be very powerful.

Written policies are only going to go so far. Its good to have them, but if an argument does break out, directing them to article X section Y of a handbook isn't going to get anything done. Frankly our written policies don't say anything about who makes engineering or business decisions, but as mentors we have the authority to make sure it is done in a way that the team approves of. And to do that, we sometimes have to use the firm but quiet method.

There is a chance that you may make some people very angry. You should avoid that, but you have to be willing to let it happen if it is for the good of the team.

[frcguy]

Originally Posted by Monochron

Firstly, the only effective way to deal with this is to have the mentor/adult most responsible for the team talking directly to the person. My advice is directed at that person on your team.

I'm definitely still learning the best ways to deal with this (and the above responses probably come from more experience than me!) but my best advice would be to be blunt with your intentions when talking with parents like that. It sounds like you are dealing with people who are good at steam rolling a discussion. Remember that you are the one in charge of, and responsible for, the team and tell that parent what you have decided. Something along the lines of "I appreciate what you suggested, but we are going to do this instead". Be open to discussion, but after the discussion has run its course, make a decision and move on. Being quietly firm can be very powerful.

Written policies are only going to go so far. Its good to have them, but if an argument does break out, directing them to article X section Y of a handbook isn't going to get anything done. Frankly our written policies don't say anything about who makes engineering or business decisions, but as mentors we have the authority to make sure it is done in a way that the team approves of. And to do that, we sometimes have to use the firm but quiet method.

There is a chance that you may make some people very angry. You should avoid that, but you have to be willing to let it happen if it is for the good of the team.

So much +1

[GreyingJay]

Originally Posted by Monochron

It sounds like you are dealing with people who are good at steam rolling a discussion. Remember that you are the one in charge of, and responsible for, the team and tell that parent what you have decided. Something along the lines of "I appreciate what you suggested, but we are going to do this instead". Be open to discussion, but after the discussion has run its course, make a decision and move on. Being quietly firm can be very powerful.

Written policies are only going to go so far. Its good to have them, but if an argument does break out, directing them to article X section Y of a handbook isn't going to get anything done. Frankly our written policies don't say anything about who makes engineering or business decisions, but as mentors we have the authority to make sure it is done in a way that the team approves of. And to do that, we sometimes have to use the firm but quiet method.

Agreed, but I think there's a way to structure your team and policies so you can refer back to them and use that as your "quietly firm" way of ending a discussion. If your team policy makes it clear, say, that robot decisions are made by the design team, or that all major decisions go to a team vote, then make it clear that neither you, nor I, can just make something happen because we want it to.

In other words if we say "I appreciate what you suggested, but we are going to do this instead", the unspoken part is "...because I said so". Which, in the heat of the moment, is a battle of wills that only gets people angry.

I would say instead, something like "I appreciate what you suggested, but the students decided to do this, and they've been working hard at it since January, so we're going to respect it." Or "I appreciate it, but there's a process we need to follow and it would be unfair to the students if we went around that." Don't make it about your will versus theirs, make them see that it's what's best for the team.

The other side of it is to give them a chance later to say their piece. Maybe they truly feel the team would do better by doing X instead of Y. Give them a chance to say so, perhaps in a retrospective. Maybe they're right! Maybe you can include their input earlier in the process next season.

[Monochron]

Originally Posted by GreyingJay

In other words if we say "I appreciate what you suggested, but we are going to do this instead", the unspoken part is "...because I said so". Which, in the heat of the moment, is a battle of wills that only gets people angry.

I would say instead, something like "I appreciate what you suggested, but the students decided to do this, and they've been working hard at it since January, so we're going to respect it." Or "I appreciate it, but there's a process we need to follow and it would be unfair to the students if we went around that." Don't make it about your will versus theirs, make them see that it's what's best for the team.

Yes I agree, clarity on where decisions are coming from, and why, is very important. I meant that sentence as more of general form of stating the decision and moving forward, rather than a specific way to phrase what you say. Who decides what changes to make at a competition for instance can be tricky, but it needs to be clear.

For instance, I was imagining a particular logistics decision I made this past year in which case both parties were aware of how the decision was reached and were aware that I was the one making the final call. The phrasing fits that situation well but can be modified for others.