Guidelines for Parents

[GreyingJay]

Originally Posted by Monochron

It sounds like you are dealing with people who are good at steam rolling a discussion. Remember that you are the one in charge of, and responsible for, the team and tell that parent what you have decided. Something along the lines of "I appreciate what you suggested, but we are going to do this instead". Be open to discussion, but after the discussion has run its course, make a decision and move on. Being quietly firm can be very powerful.

Written policies are only going to go so far. Its good to have them, but if an argument does break out, directing them to article X section Y of a handbook isn't going to get anything done. Frankly our written policies don't say anything about who makes engineering or business decisions, but as mentors we have the authority to make sure it is done in a way that the team approves of. And to do that, we sometimes have to use the firm but quiet method.

Agreed, but I think there's a way to structure your team and policies so you can refer back to them and use that as your "quietly firm" way of ending a discussion. If your team policy makes it clear, say, that robot decisions are made by the design team, or that all major decisions go to a team vote, then make it clear that neither you, nor I, can just make something happen because we want it to.

In other words if we say "I appreciate what you suggested, but we are going to do this instead", the unspoken part is "...because I said so". Which, in the heat of the moment, is a battle of wills that only gets people angry.

I would say instead, something like "I appreciate what you suggested, but the students decided to do this, and they've been working hard at it since January, so we're going to respect it." Or "I appreciate it, but there's a process we need to follow and it would be unfair to the students if we went around that." Don't make it about your will versus theirs, make them see that it's what's best for the team.

The other side of it is to give them a chance later to say their piece. Maybe they truly feel the team would do better by doing X instead of Y. Give them a chance to say so, perhaps in a retrospective. Maybe they're right! Maybe you can include their input earlier in the process next season.

[Monochron]

Originally Posted by GreyingJay

In other words if we say "I appreciate what you suggested, but we are going to do this instead", the unspoken part is "...because I said so". Which, in the heat of the moment, is a battle of wills that only gets people angry.

I would say instead, something like "I appreciate what you suggested, but the students decided to do this, and they've been working hard at it since January, so we're going to respect it." Or "I appreciate it, but there's a process we need to follow and it would be unfair to the students if we went around that." Don't make it about your will versus theirs, make them see that it's what's best for the team.

Yes I agree, clarity on where decisions are coming from, and why, is very important. I meant that sentence as more of general form of stating the decision and moving forward, rather than a specific way to phrase what you say. Who decides what changes to make at a competition for instance can be tricky, but it needs to be clear.

For instance, I was imagining a particular logistics decision I made this past year in which case both parties were aware of how the decision was reached and were aware that I was the one making the final call. The phrasing fits that situation well but can be modified for others.