Defeat STEAMPUNK WOODIE FLOWERS!

[mastachyra]

This is a STEAMworks version of a thread I saw on a Chief Delphi last year titled "Defeat EVIL DEAN KAMEN!" It resulted in some funny posts, so I wanted to revamp it.

I am STEAMPUNK WOODIE FLOWERS! And I am here to destroy everything FIRST stands for and everything you hold dear as members of your precious "FRC". I will not stop until I am defeated, and even then, I will persist and continue enforcing my will beyond death in order to destroy the accursed FIRST once and for all.

Here's how the game works:
I, STEAMPUNK WOODIE FLOWERS, start out with 10,000 HP. You, as loyal members of FRC, must try to stop me using whatever gizmos and accoutrements you might have laying around in your creationarium. Every few attacks, I (as STEAMPUNK WOODIE FLOWERS), will retaliate with an assortment of anti-FRC attacks. I will keep a running counter of my current health and, once my health reaches 0, I will be defeated, at which point the game we can all go back to our boring lives waiting for STEAMworks to be revealed.
Be warned that since I am the embodiment of WOODIE FLOWERS, only STEAMPUNK, I have all of WOODIE FLOWERS'S, godlike powers, and will not hesitate to use them in order to destroy FIRST for good.
Also, once an attack has been used once, it cannot be used again for the duration of the game.
Let the battle..
BEGIN!

STEAMPUNK WOODIE FLOWERS HEALTH: 10,000 HP

[FrankJ]

Woodie crashes First registration preventing anybody registering for the season. Game Over.

[EricH]

I REVOKE your Woodie Flowers Award, for not being a worthy recipient!

[WinterPoet]

I mock your ring tones for being about a decade too late to be actually cool!

[Sparky Jell-0]

I take away your hairband leading to your hair wildly flying around, getting in your eyes, and making you trip due to temporary blindness!

[Taylor]

I tie your Chuck Taylor shoelaces to a trident, so you cannot overcome your own DOGMA.

[Ryan_Todd]

I use a 15" long, 3D printed, adjustable crescent wrench to do one of two things, depending on whether STEAMPUNK WOODIE FLOWERS is a steam-powered robot or steam-augmented human, or simply a human with a steampunk theme...

(1) If steam-powered mechanisms form an integral part of STEAMPUNK WOODIE FLOWERS (that is, he's either a robot or a cyborg), then I use the wrench to loosen a critical fitting on STEAMPUNK WOODIE FLOWERS' primary steam supply pipe, with intent to prevent him from moving while I go on to remove various nuts and bolts before the wrench eventually breaks.

(2) If steam-powered mechanisms are merely STEAMPUNK WOODIE FLOWERS' preferred means of attack, then I sneak into STEAMPUNK WOODIE FLOWERS' supply depot and sabotage as many machines as possible before I am discovered; at which point I use the wrench to perform "concussive repairs" on STEAMPUNK WOODIE FLOWERS (or in other words, I hit him in the face).

[EricH]

I summon Ned Ludd and his crew of Luddites to attack Steampunk Woodie Flowers!

[mastachyra]

Commence Round 1!

As described by FrankJ, STEAMPUNK WOODIE FLOWERS sabotaged initial event registration! HAHA! He hates FRC more than you ever imagined!!!
FIRST IT scrambles to repair the damage so FRC can continue.
Health = 10,000

EricH REVOKES STEAMPUNK WOODIE FLOWERS's Woodie Flowers Award.
STEAMPUNK WOODIE FLOWERS hangs his head in shame.
Confidence hit = -100 HP
Health = 9,900

WinterPoet mocks STEAMPUNK WOODIE FLOWERS for out of date ringtones!
STEAMPUNK WOODIE FLOWERS replies, "Does your feeble cranium not understand steampunk!? People in a Victorian era apocalypse would be amazed at the wonderment of my ringtones!!!"
Mock attack = BLOCKED
Health = 9,900

Sparky Jell-o steals STEAMPUNK WOODIE FLOWERS's hairband. He is blinded and trips, cracking an integral structural member near his knee. Long tousled hair and all, he arises ready for battle.
Trip attack = -800
Health = 9,100

Taylor ties STEAMPUNK WOODIE FLOWERS's Chucks to a trident. "Summoning Shiva? Yes! Finally a challenge! Now you understand the power of STEAMPUNK WOODIE FLOWERS!!!"
Trident tomfoolery = -300
Health = 8,800

Ryan_Todd uses a 15" 3D printed crescent wrench to disable STEAMPUNK WOODIE FLOWERS's primary steam supply. Only a few nuts and bolts can be loosened before the wrench breaks.
Plastic Punishment = -1500
Health = 7,300

EricH may only attack once per round!

STEAMPUNK WOODIE FLOWERS is disabled but...

In a bout of confusion FIRST IT repairs STEAMPUNK WOODIE FLOWERS's primary steam supply! The wasted time causes FIRST to push initial event registration back another week!
Circulation Correction = +1000
Health = 8,300

[EricH]

Steampunk Woodie Flowers is issued a T6 RED CARD for uncivil behavior!

[FrankJ]

In the IT confusion, The Woodie Flowers award is switched from district champs to a district level award. Steam Punk Woodie is swamped by having the read all the additional applications.

[EricH]

[Not an Attack]

In the interest of keeping this sort of game alive and moving, I would like to propose a rule tweak. Proposal: In the event that SWF (or any other similar personality--looking at you, EDK!) does not respond within some designated length of time--let's call it two weeks, or maybe 10 days, from the last tally of damage--the hit immediately preceding the, er, hibernation is assumed to be worth double points, but the, er, hibernation is good for double the normal repairs. Something along those lines. (I was also considering a second hit for any attackers right before "hibernation", or an HP penalty to SWF, but I think a double-points attack/double-points repair works better.)

This is simply a proposal, and the administrator(s) of said game(s) are free to reject it.

[/Not an Attack]

[bobbysq]

Steampunk Woodie Flowers has trouble warming up in the cold winter of build season! The snowstorm also keeps repairmen from coming out to fix him.

[Ryan_Todd]

I cleverly swap out one of STEAMPUNK WOODIE FLOWERS's hip joint gear drives for an identical one, 3D printed with only 2 perimeters and 20% infill!

(This configuration should ensure that it will function identically to the original one for a short period of time, then fail catastrophically when STEAMPUNK WOODIE FLOWERS least expects it.)

[mastachyra]

Commence Round 2!

Eric H suggests damage multipliers for long breaks in the action. Challenge accepted! Double-point attacks and repairs it is!

Plastic Punishment makes another 1500 points worth of damage.
Health = 6,800
Circulation Correction makes another 1000 point repair.
Health = 7,800

EricH issues a T6 Red Card to STEAMPUNK WOODIE FLOWERS for uncivil behavior. His whole team is disqualified from play!
Disqualifying Disgrace = -500 HP
Health = 7,300

FrankJ's description of the Woodie Flowers Award debacle leads to STEAMPUNK WOODIE FLOWERS spending all his time reading WFA nomination essays. He turns up the steam engines power to help work through the essays. He uses up much of his power on this task.
Nomination Inundation = -900 HP
Health = 6,400

bobbysq unleashes the fury of build-season weather upon STEAMPUNK WOODIE FLOWERS. Joint lubricants increase viscosity and he moves a little slower. Round three attacks will take a 1.2x bonus.

Ryan_Todd swaps a hip joint gear for a 3D printed version. STEAMPUNK WOODIE FLOWERS is totally unaware for the time being...

STEAMPUNK WOODIE FLOWERS is amused with your puny attacks. He has created a top hat with retractable laser biopticles. 100W lasers shoot out and cut your tools in half. No metal parts used in the next round!

STEAMPUNK WOODIE FLOWERS is in bad shape after this round. moving slowly and under low power, he awaits your attempts as revenge!


Health = 6,400