Please dont... But HOW?

[Bharat Nain]

After having seen all the discussions on how discussions turn into arguements, and eventually may lead into fights, I decided to help people with specific techniques on HOW to avoid all this. Moreover, I will also show you HOW to make this forum and FIRST a better place. Also will show you HOW to be a better person, and make your life better. I sincerely hope so. There are many things to say:

1) I study human relations deepy, as it intrests me, and hopefully will intrest you too.

2) I study them from books, and take notes, so whatever I say is from those notes, and in many cases, I have no idea from which book I got them, or how... So please dont sue me if I say things directly from a book, tell me and I'll edit the post and give credit to book and its authors.

3) I have tested all the techniques I post. They have worked for me. But I cannot guarantee they will work for you, so please dont sue/critize/whatever.

4) Since I have a whole notebook of stuff on dealing with people, I cant write it all in one day. Therefore, I will post one tip/technique a day, and maybe go in detail with it.

5) It might be boring, might taste bad, might taste like a lecture, but its true. As we go on, things may make more sense to you.

6) If you feel I have said something wrong, please send me a private message . I would greatly appreciate it.

7) Please post to the minimum on this thread. If I put all the techniques in one thread, it will make it easy for you to read thru it, rather than scrolling too much.

8) My first tip starts on my next post .

[Bharat Nain]

The first thing is very basic


We have to understand, that people hold their own opinions and views. Ours may differ, but still, everyone feels that they are right, and telling people condemning doesnt change their view.
Here is an example:

This is from the book : "How to win friends and influence people" by Dale Carnegie
This example an example from it, yes I have shortened it:

On May 7, 1931, the most sensational manhunt New York City had ever known had come to its climax. After weeks of search, "Two Gun" Crowley -- the killer, the gunman who didn't smoke or drink -- was at bay., trapped in his sweet heart's apartment on West End Avenue.

One Hundred and fifty policement and detectives laid siege on his top-floor heideaway. They had a very brutal fight. Shots were fired, etc etc. Eventually Crowley was captured.

Now, Crowley NEVER regarded himself as an criminal. Yes, do you think a criminal woudl admit and blame himself/herself that he/she is a criminal. NO. Crowley just said it was Self-Defense. If we look at things from his eyes, he was right, Crowley was not to blame.

Crowley left a note for everyone which said "under my coat is a weary heart, but a kind one -- one that would do nobody any harm."

Thats exactly US. We are human beings and we are like that. So all that I want to say is, we are human beings of our opinions and views. We wont change just because someone said "You're Wrong".

I am leaving it upto you to make sense out of it. Things will make more sense to you in the next tip.
Good Luck
-TeknoBramha

[Yan Wang]

I think there are more than enough threads to address such an issue, and I think the moderators can do that as necessary. I mean no offense, just that reading this feels like reading a variation of Ken Leung's thread (stickied).

But for what it's worth, nice example with Crowley. Though making is a connection between a criminal and forum users is a big of a stretch

[Bharat Nain]

Originally Posted by monsieurcoffee

I think there are more than enough threads to address such an issue, and I think the moderators can do that as necessary. I mean no offense, just that reading this feels like reading a variation of Ken Leung's thread (stickied).

But for what it's worth, nice example with Crowley. Though making is a connection between a criminal and forum users is a big of a stretch

I agree with you very much. But you see the thing is, I noticed in all other threads, there is no one specifically addressing people on the HOW. I just posted one tip, which really does not make sense now, but we go into advanced stuff(no, its not too hard to understand), it might help atleast some people in their life.

[Bharat Nain]

This is crucial and important. Its simple to do, easy to follow and it makes sense. Its called not criticizing, conedemning or complaining.


Cause and effect: When you criticize, condemn or complaint, all that happens is the other person gets a bad feeling about you. Now lets see, you do so because you want to get your point across. But all that happens is the other person gets a bad feeling about you, even if he follows what you do, he/she does it half-heartedly.

Why not do something which could get your point across, make them do what you want them to do happily and full-heartedly, rather than the normal way?

-----------------

E.g: Scenario: Robot Workshop.

Adam is working with the electrical system.
John[The head supervisor] notices Adam is being lazy and not insulating the wires well. Here is how the conversation goes:

John: Adam, Why on earth dont you stop being lazy and insulate the wires well?
Adam: Bah.. Dont worry, IT'll work.
John: I will have to get you off the fabrication team if you dont follow the rules.
Adam: [In his mind] WHATEVER. WHO CARES ANYWAYS. He never means it.
----------------
Now Lets say John did things differently:
----------------
John: Adam, You are doing a awesome job with those wires. You seem to have a good knack with those wires.
Adam: Oh! Thank You
John: You might wanna insulate those wires well, rest is just great.
--------------

Now tell me, what would work better? You got your point across, made the other person feel happy about what you want them to do, and Adam did it full-heartedly. It just makes sense.

[Bharat Nain]

Tip # 3

*Okay, I should not criticize, then how should I handle a situation?*

The Answer is:

1) Praise first, and then criticize, if you cant avoid criticizing.
2) Put it in terms, that a mistake is easy to correct.
3) Do it Sincerely

A postive attitude helps. The reason I say Sincere, is when you talk to people, wheather u want it or not, people know whats in your heart and mind. Its just the way things are.

The Big Key: You have to sincerely get intrested in other people, for others to like you, and thats when they like you, and you start becoming famous, prosper in life. From what I have seen around in the forum, Ken Leung is a person of that sort. There may be many of you, like that...

Anyways that all for today
laters

[ProjectDEAD]

simple fact of the matter when u have a diverse set of people you cannot sit their and talk about religion/politics/and other such things that ppl take offense 2...

secondly alot of people have to realise regardless of what these people say its just forums... and you also have to realise that most of these ppl wont even look you in the eye in real life... so whenever i feel like im going to start fighting with someone i just realise whats the point... they are just kids my age or younger (im 17) or adults that dont know how to be adults trying to get a rise out of someone to make them feel good about themselves via a computer because they cant in real life... its sad and it helps me feel sorry for them(the ppl starting fights that is)...

[Bharat Nain]

Originally Posted by ProjectDEAD

simple fact of the matter when u have a diverse set of people you cannot sit their and talk about religion/politics/and other such things that ppl take offense 2...

secondly alot of people have to realise regardless of what these people say its just forums... and you also have to realise that most of these ppl wont even look you in the eye in real life... so whenever i feel like im going to start fighting with someone i just realise whats the point... they are just kids my age or younger (im 17) or adults that dont know how to be adults trying to get a rise out of someone to make them feel good about themselves via a computer because they cant in real life... its sad and it helps me feel sorry for them(the ppl starting fights that is)...

AWESOME POINT. You got the right attitude. This is so good and so important I am going to repeat it "they are just kids my age or younger (im 17) or adults that dont know how to be adults trying to get a rise out of someone to make them feel good about themselves via a computer because they cant in real life... its sad and it helps me feel sorry for them(the ppl starting fights that is).."


Human beings starve for recognition, they want to be great, and treated great. That is why we are at FIRST, and that is why when our team is playing on the field, we cheer for them, and we are just praying in our hearts, "C'mon [drivers name], please win".

It is a fact nobody can deny. Thats why when you praise somebody, they feel good about you and themselves. If you sincerely praise someone, they will like you.

[ProjectDEAD]

well just alot of emotion about in competitions... everyone likes to win, and no one likes to lose, but hey, how else can we be humbled! and learn!

[Bharat Nain]

True... We eventually do find joy in hanging out with people out there, even if we lose the competition. Fortunately, most of the teams on FIRST are humble. Otherwise we would have a FIRST Riot