My scathing review of Catwoman

[DCA Fan]

CatWoman - movie, 2 stars


Okay, I'm not going to be really nice about this. The movie was CRAP. They should've put just the cats on screen for two hours and I would've been more amused. This movie screamed "LET'S CATER TO STUPID AMERICANS!" forgetting the fact there are intelligent ones that actually still go to movies for plot and substance.

There is so much WRONG with this movie. Okay, if you like seeing butt shots, clevage shots, and the like, go ahead, see this movie. It delivers that far too well. If you like to see women in leather and using whips, first go see a psychiatrist, but yes, you might enjoy the film. The movie was directed by a man who apparently has no last name, which obviously means that he is a half-wit who was disowned by his parents. Okay, so I'm a little harsh on that part.

The coordination is terrible. The opening credits (though really awesome and one of the few commendable things about the film) are TOTALLY out of place and when the movie finally gets to the part where it actually belongs, there's really no explanation. It was a great thing totally wasted. There's a clumsy romance somewhere in there that only serves to provide the softcore p*rn scene that Hollywood seems to demand. There's also a gay guy who is an absolute waste of space. They use him far too much as a stereotype and really pokes out like a sore thumb in the film. If the writers knew better, they would've developed the mystery better, which in the film as it is makes the viewer scream "JUST KILL HER ALREADY" in the film's absolutely anti-climatic finale. Did I just give away part of the film? Oh hell, it's not like you're going to see it anyways.

There are a few things I like about the film. As always, I try to look for the good things to forgive those people of the blame. First, the music was very well done. The composer worked for Disneyland Paris for some time, so perhaps I'm biased, but it was still really good. Second, Ophelia Powers was portrayed most excellently by the actress. She is perhaps the only character in the movie that wasn't butchered, though she only got a little screen time. Lastly, the cats. To the untrained eye, the CG cats and real cats blend seemlessly, making for a beautiful element in the film. Had they developed the history of cat worship as shown in the opening credits better, it would have been a much deeper film.

In conclusion, this film had potential. At least until Hollywood came and sh*t all over it. Just watch for the cats.