Exhileration (Essay)

[Cory]

First of all what's the prompt?

Second, it would be good if you spent another sentence or two explaining what FIRST is, cuz you really didnt do it justice. If length is an issue there's plenty of unneccessary words you can cut out.

The whole way your essay is written (to me) emphasizes the fact that you won silver more than anything else. I'm not sure if that's what you're trying to convey, but I'm pretty sure it isn't.

Cory

[Jeremiah Johnson]

Thanks. I'll be sure to take Amanda up and no it hasn't been sent to any colleges yet. I don't believe it's the same one that I handed in as a grade. I am especially horrible at organizing my thoughts. Again thanks... I'll be looking forward to what my teacher says about it... I believe it may be one of my best written works I've done.

BTW... the prompt was something that had a significant impact on your life... or something of the sort.

Thanks again,
Budda

[Jeremiah Johnson]

Ok... so I got my grade back... and I got a B-... I thought it was a better essay than that but my teacher grades hard. So... atleast I'm still getting a good grade in that class.