Mitch Hedberg's Memorium

[George A.]

This thread was started from an inspiration from another CD'er on the R.I.P. Mitch Hedberg Thread. They thought that as a way of paying respect to his comedic genius, we should post our favorite jokes of his in here. Feel free to add personal comments as well...I'll get us started.

You see on a traffic light green means go, and yellow means yeild. It's the opposite way on a banana, green means hold up, yellow means go ahead and red means...hey where'd you get that banana?!?!

A guy gave me a photo and said "this is a picture of me when I was younger."...every picture is of you when you were younger. I've never had someone go "here's a picture me when I'm older"...wait a minute...lemme see that camera.

R.I.P Mitch, the world will be a less funny place without you.

[KenWittlief]

I played golf for the first time yesterday, I did not hit a hole in one, but I hit a guy with the ball, which was more satisfying.

I could not yell 'fore' because I was already busy saying "there's no way thats going to hit him"

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Don't even act like I didn't buy a doughnut, I've got the documentation right here...

[Rombus]

No offence, but is it necessary to have 2 threads like this? Why start a second one when the first one is still on page one?

In any case:

" I had a bag of Fritos. They were Texas Grilled Fritos. These Fritos had grill marks on them. Hell yeah. Reminds me of summer time, when we used to fire up the barbecue and throw down some Fritos. I can still see my dad with the apron on. 'Better flip that Frito, Dad. You know how I like mine.'

And my 2 personal Fav Jokes:
"I opened up a container of yogurt, and under the lid it said "Please Try Again" because they were having a contest I was unaware of. But I thought I might have opened the yogurt wrong, or maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire me. 'C'mon, Mitchell, don't give up. Please try again. A message of inspiration from your friends at Yoplait. Fruit on the bottom, hope on top.' "

"You know they call corn on the cob, corn on the cob, but that's how it comes out of the ground, man. They should call that corn, they should call every other version corn off the cob. It's not like if you cut off my arm you would call it Mitch. Then reattach it and call me Mitch-all-together... "

[George A.]

I started this one because the other thread the whole first page is debating as to whether or not he was officially dead. The second page is where the discussion gets going. I figured we could have an official discussion page here. Unless you could tell me how to edit the other thread and tell the people that's its a joke forum.

[Aaron Lussier]

I once drove 10 miles with the emergency brake on, now that does not say much for the emergency brake. What they should call it is the lever that makes the car smell funny.

You will be missed, Mitch.

[AmyPrib]

Ohhh.. the hilarity of Mitch...

"An escalator can never be broken - it can only become stairsssssss"

[Greg Needel]

I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut. I don't need a receipt for the doughnut - I'll just give you money and you give me the doughnut. End of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I can't imagine a scenario in which I would need to prove that I bought a doughnut. Some skeptical friend... don’t even act like I didn't buy a doughnut, I've got the documentation right here. Oh wait, it's back home in the file... under "D", for doughnut.

[Redneck]

I love baked potatoes... but I don't have a microwave, so it takes forever to make one. I'll toss one in the oven, even when I'm not hungry, because by the time it's done, who knows.