Have you ever been laid off?

[Madison]

So, I'm finally back at work after taking a few days away to think things over and see what I wanted to do.

Thank you everyone for your kind words and advice. I am not a businessperson and have a lot of trouble understanding what, to me, appears to be the cutthroat world of business. You can't imagine how difficult it's been for me to reconcile working for a company that exists solely to profit. I like money and certainly know how to spend it, but I can't imagine how or why a business can exist that serves no purpose other than to make money. They're not here to save the world and I truly do not understand why.

This sort of thing is terrifying to me because I do not handle change well and because I am, despite my charming personality, useless. I'm really good at doing all sorts of things, but qualified to do nothing at all.

My responsibilities as a contractor are, ostensibly, supposed to be different than those of my current position, but the company has a habit of repurposing contractors pretty regularly. In my initial contract role, I was hired for a single initiative, then moved to a different group with a different role, and finally asked to work full time. Another person who was contracted for the same job I was initially is now doing something altogether different while waiting for another project to start. There's no way for me to say, for certain, what my actual responsibilities will be.

All of that said, though, I need to work and don't have much choice in the near term regarding employment. I'll take the contracted position and keep my eyes peeled for other opportunities. The company is offering an outplacement service, but it's difficult for me to get to and again, I'm useless. Another sticky bit for me, personally, is the upcoming holiday season. I live clear across the country from everyone in my family and would never consider missing time with them at the holidays. More than that, I have unrefundable plane tickets -- so I need some flexibility from a new job that'll allow me time away.

Also, I can't collect unemployment. It's a long story, but the abridged tale involves my being fired from a slave-driving, temporary "Why am I here?" job that I loathed with the fire of ten thousand suns because I was a bit too committed to getting our 2005 robot done and that employer challenging my last claim for unemployment benefits. So, right now, I'm actually paying unemployment money. It's funny how life works sometimes.

Everyone here has said that nothing that's happened has anything to do with my performance and so I've presumed that this happened simply because I was the last one hired. Still, it's difficult for me to imagine that it's not performance related because, if I were an invaluable asset, they'd have picked someone else. They must have some autonomy in who goes, right? Though, checking my e-mail today, I wonder if this decision was made by someone I've never met and I don't yet know if I feel better or worse about that.

I'm getting by. I went to the state fair on Thursday; albeit a bit earlier than I expected. I went out with friends on Friday, but skipped a trip I'd planned to Idaho on Saturday. Yesterday, I wished a friend farewell as he's leaving for England this week. Life goes on, the Beatles said, but I do wish it'd go on a road that's a little less bumpy.

Again, thanks everyone. I guess it's only fitting that "Job Search 2K3" and "Job Search 2K4" be a complete trilogy.