Funny things teachers/professors have said

[Koko Ed]

Aw geez. I'm married to one so I have so many that I can't remember any at the moment.

[AIBob]

"Friends don't let friends derive drunk."
"If anyone has a question that baffles me... and my colleges, the other professors... Then. I will take you out to lunch"
"Subtraction is the same as adding, only one of the numbers is negative."
"Z is for integer...and Z makes a lot more sence when you know that the german word for number is Zahlen, until you find out it was coined by french people."

[Timmyd]

a substitute teacher i once had said god does not exist that made for a interesting class period it started out with the sub saying most kids are idiots and that it is their parents fault that they are this way then it led on to at one point me blurting out "that is one of the most ignorant and bias things i ever heard "
he said "ignorant huh well you probably don't even know what ignorant and bias mean " i gave him a full and thorough definition and then said "anything else" that was a mistake he said OK everyone shut up and sit down (no one was standing) it went quiet for a second then he continued to yell if god would let something like this happen he doesn't exist. then the bell rang on our way out he said to Friend of mine who was sitting next to me "don't you mess with me"
my Friend said what the hell and out of no where the sub pushed him he kept walking the next day the teacher was back and informed us that the sub had been fired and the school district is going to press charges on behalf Cris (my Friend) and went on with the lesson when i asked Cris later why he was pushed he told me that the sub had mistaken him for me!

[JulieB]

I could write a book about my Drafting teachers quote.

My favorite
"Yall better not being playing grab-butt in there."
or
"That close enough for government work"

[Timmyd]

i get those all the time from my drafting teacher
"hey thats great"
"OK thats great looking but completely wrong"
"what the?"

[Wetzel]

Originally Posted by AIBob

"Friends don't let friends derive drunk."

It is really funny when they do though...

Wetzel

[Timmyd]

Originally Posted by Wetzel

It is really funny when they do though...

Wetzel

awww thats not cool what would MADD think???

[Andrew Blair]

Band instructor on a rant:
"Cat in the Hat!"

Chem teacher introducing the lab tables:
"Now you should be alright in this class as long as we don't have to put safety plugs into your electrical outlets, during this year, or at your house..."

[Matt Leese]

I have a professor who likes to refer to sleeping during class as "doing z-transforms."

I have many more funny comments locked in my brain somewhere but I can't come up with any of them right now.

Matt

[sanddrag]

"if I catch you asleep in my class I'll come over and jab you in the ribs with this flashlight"

[kio_chan176]

Pre-algebra teacher: (he was awesome)

"I don't care that you can't graph. I can graph because I have a big thing." (he means graphing thing. like one of those pull-down map things)

"I call you all "mister" and "miss" because I have no desire to know any of you personally... I really don't."

Int. Science Teacher:

Somehow, we went from chemistry, to sweating, to peeing through our skin. "Whatever's in pee, is in your sweat. So, yes, you do in fact pee through your skin."

"Teacher: Ok I'm proud of this example of forces of attraction so pay attention! Ok, there are three couples. One couple is holding hands, another is making out, the last couple is-

Girl: Are they...?

Teacher: NO! THEY ARE NOT DOING THAT!!!"

[Joe Matt]

"I'm the queen of bull*&#$..." - Honor English College

[Kristian Calhoun]

Originally Posted by kio_chan176

Pre-algebra teacher: (he was awesome)

"I don't care that you can't graph. I can graph because I have a big thing." (he means graphing thing. like one of those pull-down map things)

"I call you all "mister" and "miss" because I have no desire to know any of you personally... I really don't."

Int. Science Teacher:

Somehow, we went from chemistry, to sweating, to peeing through our skin. "Whatever's in pee, is in your sweat. So, yes, you do in fact pee through your skin."

"Teacher: Ok I'm proud of this example of forces of attraction so pay attention! Ok, there are three couples. One couple is holding hands, another is making out, the last couple is-

Girl: Are they...?

Teacher: NO! THEY ARE NOT DOING THAT!!!"

actually the algebra graphing one (which i was told from a different class) was

student: but mr. ::insert teacher name hear:: we can't graph that one because the values are too big

teacher: well maybe you cant graph it, but i can, because *pulls down large coordinate plane* i have a big one!

oo and another one i have was....

student: well the overhead/poster is hanging onthe board crooked, should i fix it?

teacher: no, its okay, you can leave it because im crooked too.

[Bharat Nain]

This teacher did not do this but said he wanted to

At a parents-teachers meeting:

"You should have considered abortion"

[Cory]

Originally Posted by Timmyd

awww thats not cool what would MADD think???

derive not drive