Funny things teachers/professors have said

[Pat Fairbank]

Math teacher: "The test will be multiple choice, because it's easier for my wife to correct."

Student: "Will [insert topic] be on the test?"

Teacher: "Okay!"

[sanddrag]

Calculus professor explaining maximum and minimum points, specifically saddle points:

"Has anyone ridden a horse? I went to ride one but I guess it was just for kids and they wouldn't let me because I was bigger than the horse"

Student: "what does that have to do with maximums and minimums?"

Professor "See, when you're riding a horse, you sit in the saddle right? And there's the part to hold onto in front, and than the part that goes up in the back to keep you from sliding off backwards, and then the parts that do down each side where your legs go, and then right in the middle where your b___s are, that's the saddle point."

Needless to say, I couldn't believe my ears. The whole class ROFLed too. (oh yeah, and there were no girls in the class today so that's why it got a little out of hand).

[Timmyd]

Originally Posted by Cory

derive not drive

wow that went right over my head

[HRobotics]

Funniest thing I've ever heard from any teacher, qualified or not...

Science Substitute: "So, remember, everyone... all atoms are made up of molecules."

Everyone: "No, molecules are made up of atoms."

Science Sub: "You know, you might be right about that, but you'll have to check with your teacher. I'm not sure."

What is the world coming to?!

[shyra1353]

Originally Posted by AIBob

"Friends don't let friends derive drunk."

It's funny when the do though .. just to prove that they aren't drunk ..

My grade 11 physics teacher always said that kids were a renewable resource.

As for Profs this year, some funny things that cant be said here and others that I just can't remember.

But one of my insanely genius Profs had an extremely thick accent, and he would talk into the chalkboard and occassionally yell out some random words ... the best was his mispronounced words:

Matrices .. pronounced mattresses
sin of .. pronounced sinuses
coplanar .. pronounced complanar (also spelt with the m)

[Koko Ed]

Originally Posted by Koko Ed

Aw geez. I'm married to one so I have so many that I can't remember any at the moment.

Ah! I just remembered one story she told me:
SHe was teaching summer school one year and had students from a couple of Wilson Magnet rival schools East High and Edison Tech and they were giving her a hard time about how their schools pummeled Wilson in sports (which almost always happens. They are bigger schools and due to open registration get the better atheltes. Wilson almost always gets the IB kids).
So my wife quipped "Our kids graduated."

[anna~marie]

My physics teacher - who also happens to be my mentor - gets very creative in her physics problems....
for example: Ben Tooclose is being chased through the woods by a bull moose which he was attempting to photograph. The enormous mass of the bull moose is extremely intimidating....

[Squirrelrock]

As of two years ago, the Econ/Statics teacher had been quoted as saying "No, You Are Not Allowed To Think Independantly In This Class." And yes, she can speak in capital letters.


fear the Bartle...

[team222badbrad]

My math professor was speaking about solving equations:

Professor: "We can all handle ugly, we all went to prom"
(he was talking about solving problems with many steps)

Student: "I didn't"

Professor: "Thats why"

[Redneck]

"Now, the difference in mass between the iron and the wood.... wait.... where'd my balls go?!?" - Mr. Van, when he lost the iron and wooden balls he was using in a Physics lab.

A sample problem from one of Mr. Van's homework sheets:
"Person A decides to drop their worthless lab partner, Person B, off a 30-meter high bridge. How long until B hits the ground if Vo = 0?"

[Alexa Stott]

Originally Posted by calhounian

actually the algebra graphing one (which i was told from a different class) was

student: but mr. ::insert teacher name hear:: we can't graph that one because the values are too big

teacher: well maybe you cant graph it, but i can, because *pulls down large coordinate plane* i have a big one!

Okay, here is what really happened, since neither of you guys got it right...

Girl: But those numbers don't fit on our graph paper!
Teacher: Well, you guys won't have to graph equations with numbers as big as those. But I can because I have a big thing.

I was there, so I would know! BWAH!

During orchestra class last year...
Teacher [to our bass player]: If you do not shut up right now, I'm going to stuff you into your bass! And I won't even bother to take off the back; I'll just shove you right through the f-hole!

[EricH]

During chemistry a few days ago:
"See, vacuum has two u's but not a W."-- the teacher

(figure it out)

[dubious elise]

Well, I hate to rip on my physics teacher because he was such a nice fellow but... yeah, he really did say all of these himself.

Student: Yeah, Sam lives on the edge...
Teacher: No, if Sam lived on the edge he would slip and fall and be sliced in half

Students: Um, did you grade our tests yet? You've had them for two weeks now!
Teacher: No...they're still wet
Students: What?!
Teacher: I spilled milk on them this morning...

Student: If there was a banana in orbit, would it be brown?
Teacher: No, it would be frozen...and yellow.

And a few solo acts from the same teacher....

"How many of you guys are going to be gone yesterday?"
"Teflon has very low friction, that's why they coat it with frying pans."
"I lost some of my marbles, just wait a second"
"I'll use a 'q' here. (erases previous 'q') A big, giant 'Q'"
"An ocean is any body of water that you cannot see across"
"Never wish a b____hslap on anyone!"
"Keep your soul. Don't be trading it - it's valuable!"
"Don't worry about how many days we have left.... It's nine by the way, but who's counting?"
"I tend to not like electricity, so I usually stay away from it."

I can't wait for second-semester AP Physics to begin!!!

[KenWittlief]

Physics 101 professor: the rate of change of distance over time is velocity, and the rate of change of velocity is acceleration

Me: what is the rate of change of acceleration then?

Prof: JERK!

Me: Pardon?!

Prof: JERK! Jerk! change in acceleration is called JERK!

Me: oh, I though you meant me!

[mechanicalbrain]

Here's a good conversation I had today between my CCNA instructor and I.

me "Does anyone still use token rings?"
teacher "Sure they do!"
me "like where?"
teacher "....in the south..... deep south."