Funny things teachers/professors have said

[sciguy125]

My physics professor was telling us a story about Russia (she's from Russia). But, if I didn't tell you that this took place in Russia, you could probably guess it. It's very Russian.

She started out by saying, "As you know, bussiness was banned in Russia." There was some nuclear power plant with an excellent safety record. The lake used that was used for cooling water was so clean that you could swim in it. But, it's so cold there, that dispite the fact that the water's been through a nuclear reactor, it was still too cold to actually swim in except during the height of summer.

The other problem with the cold is that you can't grow vegetables. One of the locals got smart and started using the water to warm his green houses. However, this became a business and he was arrested.

[Lisa Perez]

Describing saddles in 3-dimensional problems: "Well, it's sort of like a bad lasagna..."

Talking about second integrals: "It's just like slicing cheese."

Apparently he was really hungry

[Alexa Stott]

My teacher always uses his hand to erase the board instead of the actual eraser so he always says he's giving himself cancer...

Student: You forgot the "r" in "hydrophobic."
Teacher [erases board, rewrites it, and still spells it wrong]: GAH! I can't spell. I am senile...must be the cancer.

This is from last year in orchestra (well, really from the concert...)
Student: I don't have a tie.
Teacher: Why not? I told everyone to wear a tie!
Student: I know, but someone stole it and flushed it down the toilet.

[Matt Krass]

Originally Posted by DCA Fan

Heh I have a whole website with quotes from teachers and students:
http://gchen.netfirms.com/ssq

Some of them have lost their humor, but I'm too lazy to go delete them.

2460. "He could work for Nasa, and be a rapper.. I don't know, some kind of gangsta scientist."

Dave??

[sanddrag]

Today in calculus class:

Student asks the professor to show how a certain problem is done. So, the professor turns his back to the class and begins working on the problem on the board and he gets about half way through and suddenly stops for a moment. And then he says "I can't do this" and a student says "I want my money back"

Also in calculus class today:

Professor: "Hrrm, [name] isn't here today"
[name]'s friend: "She's taking a nap"
Professor: "Did you ask if you could nap with her?"
Student: "She didn't offer."
Professor: "Why didn't you ask?"

And finally in calculus class today:

Professor: "I went to jail once"
Student: "Really, what for?"
Professor: "Well, I was visiting a place of ill repute when the police came and raided it."
Draw your own conclusions...

Anyway, this is one very messed up class.

[Beth Sweet]

And I have to make this addition just because it was said in class today and no one seemed to find it humerous but me (btw, this guy is the coolest professor ever!)

"Darwin's theory applied only to plants and animals, not to humans"

Apparently, humans are not animals. I just loved that no one else in the class except myself found the need to smirk at this...

[Timmyd]

my econ teacher says all the time " i cant help you I'm the janitor today "
i spilled my drink not even two seconds later " can you help me now? "

[TheShadow]

This is the list I gave to my AP Lit teacher at the end of last year (all from him):

“If it’s a concluding paragraph -- this just in: I know that”

“I love Oprah”

“The first option is required”

“Hey, look at me, I found flashback, I’m smart!”

“I take a day off: I forget your name, sorry.”

“It’s the same, but different.”

“I will give you it…maybe.”

“For the betterment of the good”

“It’s non-negotiable unless you see me”

[sanddrag]

One of the best teacher's I've ever had (5th grade).

When someone would speak too softly:

"Sorry, I'm deaf in this ear and I can't hear in this one."

[mechanicalbrain]

Originally Posted by sanddrag

"Sorry, I'm deaf in this ear and I can't hear in this one."

Reminds me of "blind in one eye and can't see out the other"

I'm starting a new year as a junior and I'm starting to realize my math teacher is absolutely crazy. First he liberally uses acronyms like AIG (ain't it great), NTF (not that hard), DYJLI (don't you just love it), etc.... On top of that, he makes the weirdest sounds as he does them, I swear he sounds like a loony toon episode. The best part is that he keeps saying "we got the technology so lets use it" (referring to TI calculators) like a mantra and teaches everything by them yet has refused to let us use them on anything that has a grade associated with it (I know some of you will approve of that....). Frankly though, you know you have a good teacher when he starts talking about chipmunks nearly running him down while he is teaching you!

[wilshire]

MET 141 - "I will not tolerate magic in this course!"

precalc teacher at HS - "ITS JUST CIRCLE MATH!"
"Don't try and find the solution of that, you'll get an answer that won't make you happy" (presumes to draw a frown smilie on the board)

teacher: you see its like a pie except that pi equals half of that pie

student: what?

teacher: ITS JUST CIRCLE MATH!

Programming - (teacher talking to herself out loud)
"ahhhhh. stop. go away. I don't like you. Go shoo. STOP THAT. AHHHH"
"they didn't give us a network or internet because we're dangerous"
"look at that huge jump in technology and how we went from vacuum tubes to semiconductors. Really its all aliens that designed it. Watch the skies"

[anna~marie]

Again, my physics teacher... trying to explain why the F=ma equation is so cool...
F=ma is great because you get to say a lot of things are your ma!
Where there's a F there's an a!

[angelc24]

my chorus director at camp over the summer-
"you all sound like dying cats!"
(of couse you have to imagine someone saying this with an Australian accent)

[tiffany34990]

okies today...
you have to understand first it's an 8:00 AM chem class
so my professor was like "where is everyone? what happened? did everyone drop? is it because we have friday off or did the fog scare them away?"

our class today was probably about 80 kids rather then over 100 usually.. and it was really really foggy today

we all started to crack up a bit about the fog comment..she made it sound like the fog was gonna eat you up or something

[EricH]

Sorry to bring this back, but I couldn't resist:
"Sit. Stay."--My chemistry teacher to an eraser that fell off a white board tray