Programming jokes

[JBotAlan]

[not really a joke, but you might appreciate this]
I never could figure out why my auton never worked freshman year; I was just learning C and had written this:

if (counter = 5) {
pwm01 = 254;
pwm02 = 254;
counter = counter + 1;
}

I told the drive guys that "yeah, it would be fine and work"...needless to say the robot took off and smashed into the other side of the field...[/notajoke]
-------------
Insults:
Go put do loops in your slow loop! (crashes the processor)
Go plug your computer into the tether port! (explodes the system board)


I'm working on some more, so I'll probably post again, but there's the ones I've got for now.

End Post (VB reference)

[Stuart]

if(1==1)
{
actNormal();
}
else
{
temp = black;
black = white;
white = temp;
temp = up;
up = down;
down = temp;
/*^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^*/
//correcting for rip in space time
}


ok heres a good one.

2 programmers are changing a light bulb. programmer #1 takes out the light bulb then programmer #2 puts in the replacement light bulb. As he does this programmer #1 starts to get an angry look on his face . . programmer #2 stops then says " ohh sorry off by one error".

[Eldarion]

[To a mentor]
In theory, this fix should work great!
[robot entangles arm in rack at full speed]
Oops.

[Stvn]

"We need to save weight. Take out all the white space"

"Just one small change and it will work perfectly."

"That wasn't supposed to do that."

[Zyik]

One of our programmers was working for hours on our arm code. He couldn't figure out why it wasn't working. I looked over the code, put it in, turned off the safety switch.... it worked fine.

Thats why you need more then one programmer.

[ChrisMcK2186]

My programmers, not that I know the slightest thing about the wonderful world of C, were talking about the code in the kind of tones that implie one intends to rearrange the others face, so I step in. It seems that the first angry one was unsatisfied with out auton. code. The first practice match we dropped the arm and ran at the other alliance full speed like jousting, hit the wall with a sickening crunch and grinds to a halt. The second programmer, the one who made the code, is very confused by its performance, swearing that he made it correctly. They crack open the code and see that infact it is an open ended code with no stop to the movement! The replace it with a code that makes it spin in circles.

Chris

[Andrew Morris]

So after working for an entire day on our team's auton code with no success I had finally made the simplest auton yet: shift to high gear and floor it in reverse. At the start of the match the robot turns a complete circle then hits the alliance wall and stops. The entire team shooting me angry glances I hurry to the pits to find the error. One mentor in particular states that the robot must have functioned properly and it was my(the caode's) fault. When the robot comes back the mentor takes one look at the transmission, swears, and apologizes. And just once I could say, "I told you so!"

[DonRotolo]

Originally Posted by Coffeeism

The robot's too heavy, take out some code.

Originally Posted by mtaman02

Everything on this robot needs to lose weight, I don't care what you gotta do to get it off just lose the weight, start with the code and work your way back to the hardware.

We actually had one parent who was told stuff like this and completely believed it. Actually, (person) believed that only the ones weighed something, the zeros had no weight. Of course, the lead programmer then showed the parent that I was wrong, only the zeros had weight, not the ones...

True.

Don

[triggerhappy336]

dy/dx = robot go foward

The programmer's all found that humorous. I found it as a scary nightmare.

[Uberbots]

some kid dropped an old sensor in some salsa... and i just laughed.

it is also quite humorous to define aliases for the IFI functions...
putdata -> cheese
getdata -> explode

autonomous_mode -> special_mode_to_run_annoying_drivers_over

only a programmer would do this, i suppose

[RyanN]

Originally Posted by Uberbots

some kid dropped an old sensor in some salsa... and i just laughed.

I dropped our label maker in a bowl of Red Beans and Rice. The amazing part is that I got it working after diner like it was new!

[Athleticgirl389]

Originally Posted by Coffeeism

The robot's too heavy, take out some code.

Our team used that A LOT this year lol. Also, "Nope, we're still over weight... put in the lighter code.'"

[JohnC]

1. This one is probably all too common:

visitor/sponsor/etc: "Hi, John, nice to meet you. I saw the electrica, mechanical, (etc...) teams, where is the rest of the programming team?"

2. The ever popular:

QUICK! Re-enable the disable switch!

3. I was the play-by-play commentator at the state VEX Championship, where, in the finals, I found myself saying:

"That was quite a depressing autonomous period: we just saw four robots sit and waste millions of microprocessor cycles, contributing to organizational entropy in the universe without actually doing any work!"

Half the people laughed because they had no idea, and the other half laughed because they knew exactly what I was saying.

[Alan Anderson]

Originally Posted by Andrew Morris

...When the robot comes back the mentor takes one look at the transmission, swears, and apologizes.

Our 2004 'bot developed a transmission issue that only showed up at high speed in reverse with an actual load on the wheels. It wasn't apparent with the robot "up on blocks" in the pit. It happened that our autonomous routine was to go high speed in reverse. It started drifting seriously to one side, but things seemed fine when under operator control. I was the only real programmer on the team at the competition, so it fell to me to correct the problem. I put in some "go straight" code to increase power to the slower side and decrease power to the faster side until the left and right wheel rotation sensors matched. The robot then went straight in autonomous, but only for a foot or two before stopping completely.

It took several disappointing matches and lots of testing on the floor with a very long tether cable before we discovered that the software was doing exactly what we asked it to, and the trouble was with the hardware (a gear was riding up out of place and disengaging with its partner). I think the final clue was when the driver complained about not being able to turn one direction in reverse.

That's about the time I started putting in "defensive diagnostics" so I could easily demonstrate that the code was operating properly, and could quickly determine when undesired operation was due to disconnected wiring or misbehaving mechanisms.

[whytheheckme]

Originally Posted by JohnC

"That was quite a depressing autonomous period: we just saw four robots sit and waste millions of microprocessor cycles, contributing to organizational entropy in the universe without actually doing any work!"

As opposed to the really useful work that the robot does during the rest of the game?

Jacob