paper: FIRST Robotics: Inspiring Today’s Youth and Giving a Passion for Science And Technology

[Alivia]

Thread created automatically to discuss a document in CD-Media.

FIRST Robotics: Inspiring Today’s Youth and Giving a Passion for Science And Technology by Alivia

[Libby K]

Fantastic. I'd give it an A.

What a great way to represent FIRST for those who may not have heard of it. I know my description would be WAY longer than 9 pages if I wrote it out...

[Alivia]

Originally Posted by Libby K

Fantastic. I'd give it an A.

What a great way to represent FIRST for those who may not have heard of it. I know my description would be WAY longer than 9 pages if I wrote it out...

Thank you! That makes me feel more confident...hopefully my professor gives me an A as well!

And I know what you mean!
Nine pages is no where near enough to adequately describe what FIRST truly stands for! Unfortunately, I was limited to a certain number of pages.

Maybe she'll assign another one, and I can elaborate more...

[Ian Curtis]

A couple of things (although, I assume you've already passed it in, so it really doesn't matter). U.S. FIRST was founded in 1989, but they sponsored their first competition in 1991. Also, FIRST likes it when we refer to ourselves as FRC.

Additionally, why'd you say we ship the robots to FIRST HQ? Although, I find the thought of filling 200 Bedford Street with 1300 robots quite amusing.

Finally, those numbers you list as just FRC over the existance of the program (130,000 students, 10,709 robots, 37,000 mentors, and 27,000 volunteers), are for all of FIRST in 2007. A very large part of that number is FLL. At least, that's what I get from the page, seeing as all the other numbers are from 2007, and if you add up the numbers of teams listed for each individual competition you get 10,709.

Overall though, I like it. I've tried to write a few papers on FIRST, but they never turn out like I want them to. Yours does an excellent job explaining what Dean and by extension, us, are trying to do.

[Alivia]

Originally Posted by iCurtis

A couple of things (although, I assume you've already passed it in, so it really doesn't matter). U.S. FIRST was founded in 1989, but they sponsored their first competition in 1991. Also, FIRST likes it when we refer to ourselves as FRC.

Additionally, why'd you say we ship the robots to FIRST HQ? Although, I find the thought of filling 200 Bedford Street with 1300 robots quite amusing.

Finally, those numbers you list as just FRC over the existance of the program (130,000 students, 10,709 robots, 37,000 mentors, and 27,000 volunteers), are for all of FIRST in 2007. A very large part of that number is FLL. At least, that's what I get from the page, seeing as all the other numbers are from 2007, and if you add up the numbers of teams listed for each individual competition you get 10,709.

Overall though, I like it. I've tried to write a few papers on FIRST, but they never turn out like I want them to. Yours does an excellent job explaining what Dean and by extension, us, are trying to do.

Thanks for your input! I must have been confused while looking at the FIRST website while researching, because it clearly states that it is overall outreach, which is what I cited and accidentally said was only for FRC. My apologies.

And thanks for the kind words! I'm sure you could easily write a paper about FIRST as well. (Although believe me, it takes a lot more work than one would think!)

[Akash Rastogi]

I showed this to my uncle who works in the NYC government and he is convinced that FIRST needs even more funding. So now he will work to get inner-city teams, and other teams as well, more money in order to become more successful. Thank you for the great essay.

[Alivia]

Originally Posted by XxMORTteam11xX

I showed this to my uncle who works in the NYC government and he is convinced that FIRST needs even more funding. So now he will work to get inner-city teams, and other teams as well, more money in order to become more successful. Thank you for the great essay.

Oh my goodness!
That is very exciting!
I am glad that you liked the essay, and that your uncle read it and was inspired to help get more funding.
That is awesome!

[Athleticgirl389]

Originally Posted by Alivia

Thank you! That makes me feel more confident...hopefully my professor gives me an A as well!

And I know what you mean!
Nine pages is no where near enough to adequately describe what FIRST truly stands for! Unfortunately, I was limited to a certain number of pages.

Maybe she'll assign another one, and I can elaborate more...

If your professor doesn't give you an A, I say we all march over to your college and protest til you get your A!!!

[indieFan]

Originally Posted by Libby K

Fantastic. I'd give it an A.

WARNING: The following is extremely critical, but offers constructive criticism. If you don't take criticism well, I suggest you skip this post.

Sorry to be a negative nelly, but I have to completely disagree. As a former English teacher, I was very disappointed in this essay. At best, it'd get a C+ from me.

From a technical standpoint, two things stood out to me:
1. You didn't proofread the essay. I found one place where FIRST was mispelled as FRIST. I also found minor grammatical errors, such as using "a" in place of "an".
2. You cite numerous documents, but you fail to note which is which within the essay. You also give quotes from several people, but fail to say how you obtained those quotes (from various team members).

As for the content, that is where I am most concerned. The first 3 pages were nothing but fluff to me. When I thought I had finally reached your thesis paragraph, or claim, I found there was no clear cut statement. You're paper title is "FIRST Robotics: Inspiring..." but you're essay feels much more like "FIRST Robotics: What is it?" Just as the first 3 pages were inconsequential in my mind, so were entire paragraphs later on, such as the one about making life-long friends. What does making life-long friends have to do with inspiring today's youth in science and technology?

When writing an essay, always ask yourself "What does this have to do with the overall point I'm trying to make?"

I also found that many of the paragraphs seemed to be non-cohesive. You want to make sure that each sentence follows from the previous sentence, especially the ones that open a new paragraph.

If you want specific examples of how I'd have changed this essay, let me know and I'll give them.

indieFan (who believes in constructive criticism)

[vivek16]

awesome!

I might just have to have some of the rookies read this.

-vivek

[Alivia]

Hey all!
I just wanted to send out a MAJOR thank you to everyone who helped me with this paper!!

Guess what?!?!
I got an A-!


You all helped me so much, so THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!