Programming jokes

[Syntax Domain]

there are 10 types of people in the world:
Those who know binary
and those who don't.

[Monochron]

Well as it seems this has gone to just programming stories, I'll share one of my own.

This year we decided not to have an autonomous.....I'm not sure why.
Our programmers were absent for a lot of meetings so that might have a lot to do with it.

However, sometime our robot would spontaneously drive backwards. We don't know why and we occasionally lined up facing our wall. We would end up speeding across the field and then having to come all the way back. Sometimes we would just twitch in place a few times or grind up against the wall.

It was kind of scary because we didn't know what caused it, it only happened occasionally, and we're pretty sure we never touched the auton programming....

[taylort]

Originally Posted by Monochron

However, sometime our robot would spontaneously drive backwards. We don't know why and we occasionally lined up facing our wall.

Our [other] programmer switched around some of the autonomous code, and one match he drove straight backwards (full speed) into the alliance wall. The bot then drove forward, and repeated. Needless to say, the drivers were rather 'shaken' (There's my cheesy pun for the day).

We did get something right...our autonomous scored one time. And one time was enough for me, considering we were doing it blindly (no room for a camera).

[swamp_child]

No wonder Autonomous doesnt work, our robot is full of bugs!!
this was refering to actual bugs, anyone who went to the FL regional knows what im talking about

[Loki1989]

Originally Posted by geeknerd99

Wielding only a mouse and keyboard, living off Ramen and Mountain Dew, our brave hero and his team begins the daunting 6-week siege against the mighty C monster.

It got to the point where I walked in on one guy on my team constantly compiling the same thing over and over again. When I asked him why, he told me, "I love seeing the words "BUILD SUCCEEDED". I'm banking up the number of sucessful builds I have to make up for all the syntax errors I'll get later."

This is so true

[alex1699]

they put me never programed a robot of this size and power to be head programer so know i need to learn to program my thrid year hmmm snap

[basicxman]

Originally Posted by Spencer E.

That sounds very familiar. I hate those late programming nights only to find out it was only a hardware error

i got a speech synthesizer and started to program it, it tried for months and then fianally realized i had to set the sda pin to high...it didnt show that in the schematic!

[artdutra04]

We should make a LOLCODE to hex compiler. I so want to write programs like this:

HAI
CAN HAS API.H?
PLZ OPEN FILE MAIN.C
   AWSUM THX
      I HAS A VAR PWM_1 = 127
      IM IN YR LOOP
         UP VAR!!1
         IZ VAR BIGGER THAN 254? KTHX
            VISIBLE "ROBOT CAT CANNOT GO PAST 254"
      IM OUTTA UR LOOP
   O NOES
      VISIBLE "COMPILER CAT IS NOT AMUSED"
KTHXBYE

[Redneck]

Originally Posted by artdutra04

We should make a LOLCODE to hex compiler. I so want to write programs like this:

HAI
CAN HAS API.H?
PLZ OPEN FILE MAIN.C
   AWSUM THX
      I HAS A VAR PWM_1 = 127
      IM IN YR LOOP
         UP VAR!!1
         IZ VAR BIGGER THAN 254? KTHX
            VISIBLE "ROBOT CAT CANNOT GO PAST 254"
      IM OUTTA UR LOOP
   O NOES
      VISIBLE "COMPILER CAT IS NOT AMUSED"
KTHXBYE

I am in favor of this, and will do anything in my power to assist in the creation of a LOLCODE compiler for FIRST.

My favorite programming joke: (Shamelessly stolen from a sig here on CD, sorry I don't remember your name!)
If it's falling apart, it's a mechanical problem.
If it's spewing magic smoke, it's an electrical problem.
If it's rampaging around destroying things, THEN it's a programming problem.

[hipsterjr]

How to shoot yourself in the foot
C
You shoot yourself in the foot.
C++
You accidently create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying "That's me, over there."
COBOL
USEing a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be retied.
BASIC (compiled)
You shoot yourself in the foot with a BB using a SCUD missile launcher.
Visual Basic
You'll really only appear to have shot yourself in the foot, but you'll have so much fun doing it that you won't care.
Java
You locate the Gun class, but discover that the Bullet class is abstract, so you extend it and write the missing part of the implementation. Then you implement the ShootAble interface for your foot, and recompile the Foot class. The interface lets the bullet call the doDamage method on the Foot, so the Foot can damage itself in the most effective way. Now you run the program, and call the doShoot method on the instance of the Gun class. First the Gun creates an instance of Bullet, which calls the doFire method on the Gun. The Gun calls the hit(Bullet) method on the Foot, and the instance of Bullet is passed to the Foot. But this causes an IllegalHitByBullet exception to be thrown, and you die.
Apple System 7
Double click the gun icon and a window giving a selection for guns, target areas, plus balloon help with medical remedies, and assorted sound effects. Click "shoot" button and a small bomb appears with note "Error of Type 1 has occurred."
Windows 3.1
Double click the gun icon and wait. Eventually a window opens giving a selection for guns, target areas, plus balloon help with medical remedies, and assorted sound effects. Click "shoot" button and a small box appears with note "Unable to open Shoot.dll, check that path is correct."
Windows 95
Your gun is not compatible with this OS and you must buy an upgrade and install it before you can continue. Then you will be informed that you don't have enough memory.
CP/M
I remember when shooting yourself in the foot with a BB gun was a big deal.
DOS
You finally found the gun, but can't locate the file with the foot for the life of you.
MSDOS
You shoot yourself in the foot, but can unshoot yourself with add-on software.

[ctorloey]

task main()
{
if (robot == working)
{Programmers = happy
}
else
Programmers = sad, depressed, unhappy
}
save save compile

I got one that my programming mentor told me:

Question: How are Halloween and Christmas alike?

Answer: They happen on the same day.

Does any one get this?
It is with the decimal number system and the octal number system. when you convert 31 (which is the date of Halloween) from octal to decimal it is 25 (which is the date of Christmas).

[T3_1565]

Originally Posted by ctorloey

Question: How are Halloween and Christmas alike?

Answer: They happen on the same day.

Does any one get this?
It is with the decimal number system and the octal number system. when you convert 31 (which is the date of Halloween) from octal to decimal it is 25 (which is the date of Christmas).

I heard this one not too long ago myself, I was the only one in the group that got it right away as we just learn octal in class not too long ago

[Schooj]

Its java, but I couldn't resist adding my favorite function
public int getRandom(int range){
return 4;
}

Back in 2005, during Triple Play, our head programmer was supposed to make a code for the bot to move for a second or two then stop. So we load the code into the bot at the last minute and put it on the field in one of the outer positions. The second the match starts, the robot speeds away across the field. Luckily, the robot's drivetrain was poorly constructed, so it arced away from ramming the opponent at full speed and instead hit one of the corner goals so hard, it knocked off the hanging tetra, scoring points for the opposing alliance! Long story short, infinite loops are bad.

[Tottanka]

Our Aim High robot had a wish to kill us all.

The night before ship, we were fixing our auto mode.

The robot starts the auto, drives towards the goal, camera sees the light, bot turns to the drivers direction (which is exactly the opposite direction of the goal) and shoots the drivers with poofs.

after a fix, the bot worked well for a while.
Another test a few minutes later (wanted to make the auto quicker). The bot goes to the goal, spins to our direction drives a bit forward charging us. We see that it's shooter mechanism is on, and it's gonna start shooting balls soon. We all duck, in order to avoid te coming balls, when suddenly the robot moves its cannon down, exactly with us ducking. After a few checks we realized why he did it. Someone put the goal in the auto at a height of 1 meter instead of 2.

We also had a window in our gym, where we tested auto. the window, apparently, reflected the green light, and one time the bot got the window as its target. By the time we disabled the bot, it already broke the window witha poof.

[whitetiger0990]

Originally Posted by Schooj

Its java, but I couldn't resist adding my favorite function
public int getRandom(int range){
return 4;
}

xkcd, I love you so. =D