Programming jokes

[Tottanka]

a programmer was found dead in the shower. After some investigation the cause of death was revealed.
He simply followed the instructions of the shampoo.
1. wet your hair
2. put the shampoo on it
3. rub it
4 wash your head
5. repeat ...

[Nathan]

Originally Posted by Syntax Domain

there are 10 types of people in the world:
Those who know binary
and those who don't.

I love that cartoon.

Here's another joke:

The Best Programmer

Jesus and satan have an argument as to who is the better programmer.

This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest, with God as the judge. They set themselves before their computers and begin. They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight.

Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over. He asks satan to show what he has come up with. satan is visibly upset, and cries, ...I have nothing. I lost it all when the power went out."

...Very well, then, says God, ..."let us see if Jesus fared any better."

Jesus enters a command, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers. Satan is astonished. He stutters, ...B-b-but how?! I lost everything, yet Jesus’ program is intact! How did he do it?"

God chuckles, ..."Everybody knows ........ Jesus saves."

[slavik262]

More of a visual joke than anything because I got bored in GIMP, but

he won't go away! (click for full res.)

[basicxman]

i am so glad they took Mr. Clippy out of microsoft office in the new version

has anyone seen family guy when stewies taking over the world and the paperclip asks him if he needs help? that was hilarious!

[Tottanka]

Originally Posted by basicxman

i am so glad they took Mr. Clippy out of microsoft office in the new version

has anyone seen family guy when stewies taking over the world and the paperclip asks him if he needs help? that was hilarious!

LOL yea!
I cried when it happened!

[slavik262]

Stewie: "Stupid paperclip! Nobody likes you anyways!"

[Romeo1351]

Originally Posted by Tottanka

We also had a window in our gym, where we tested auto. the window, apparently, reflected the green light, and one time the bot got the window as its target. By the time we disabled the bot, it already broke the window witha poof.

Your robot broke a window with a poof ball??? How powerful is your shooter?

[Tottanka]

Originally Posted by Romeo1351

Your robot broke a window with a poof ball??? How powerful is your shooter?

acutally, it's the window that was lame =]

[slavik262]

[Salik Syed]

Haha, I know the person who designed/consulted on the paper clip (he's a professor at Stanford). Apparently Microsoft listened to about 2% of his advice and that's why it turned out so badly.

[JesseK]

Haha, I know the person who designed/consulted on the paper clip (he's a professor at Stanford). Apparently Microsoft listened to about 2% of his advice and that's why it turned out so badly.

Maybe he lacked the proper people skills. Many a great idea go mutiliated or unknown because someone doesn't speak up enough or that someone lacks the insight into how to be pushy enough to make the idea become a success.

(Java-C-MPLab pseudo-goullash code)

int rand = Math.rand() * 127;
int pos_neg = Math.rand;
if(pos_neg > 0.5) 
pos_neg = 1;
else 
pos_neg = -1;

//Drive Motors
pwm_04=pwm_05=(rand + 127);
pwm_06=pwm_07=(rand * pos_neg + 127);

//Arm
pwm_08=255; //Arms up!
pwm_09=(rand/2*pos_neg + 127);  //Wavy hands

This isn't a joke; this will be our autonomous algorithm next year if our students don't come up with anything to do in autonomous. Students be warned!

[artdutra04]

Originally Posted by JesseK

Maybe he lacked the proper people skills. Many a great idea go mutiliated or unknown because someone doesn't speak up enough or that someone lacks the insight into how to be pushy enough to make the idea become a success.

(Java-C-MPLab pseudo-goullash code)

int rand = Math.rand() * 127;
int pos_neg = Math.rand;
if(pos_neg > 0.5) 
pos_neg = 1;
else 
pos_neg = -1;

//Drive Motors
pwm_04=pwm_05=(rand + 127);
pwm_06=pwm_07=(rand * pos_neg + 127);

//Arm
pwm_08=255; //Arms up!
pwm_09=(rand/2*pos_neg + 127);  //Wavy hands

This isn't a joke; this will be our autonomous algorithm next year if our students don't come up with anything to do in autonomous. Students be warned!

The only downside to this algorithm is that there is no rand() function of any kind on our controller.

The best way I've found to generate "random" numbers on Vex/FRC controllers is to start a timer at the beginning of your program, and whenever you need a random number get the modulus of the timer value when divided by a number of your choice.

[JesseK]

Originally Posted by artdutra04

The only downside to this algorithm is that there is no rand() function of any kind on our controller.

The best way I've found to generate "random" numbers on Vex/FRC controllers is to start a timer at the beginning of your program, and whenever you need a random number get the modulus of the timer value when divided by a number of your choice.

Well, problem solved. The algorithm stands!

[Laaba 80]

Our teams first year we were trying to get the camera to work. It did everything except what we told it to do. We were just about to stop for the night when one of our mentors walks by and the camera starts moving. We have him walk by again, and it moves again. We coulnd never get the camera to track the green light that year, but we managed to successfully track our mentors bald spot

[whytheheckme]

Interactive real time 100fps 3D reality is discovered by a programmer who went for a walk.