Dealing with disapointments

[pSYeNCe]

Originally Posted by davidthefat

Disappointments should not discourage you, but inspire you to do better.

Well then, I have a question for you all.

My disappointment this year is that my mother banned me from FIRST. Her reason is one I can't talk about here, but I assure you it's not sound. My FIRST team meant everything to me and I dedicated tons of time to it, and made some of the best memories of my life at meetings and (especially) competitions. I had intended on making two more years of memories, too (Junior here).

How am I to do better/deal/change her mind? I've tried convincing her and she won't budge, and we just don't have anything else like FIRST around here. Everyone here knows how exhilarating it is being on a team. I'm sure you can understand my frustration.

(I realize the topic here has been on competition disappointment, but *technically* the subject of the first post just said "Dealing with disappointments" )

[davidthefat]

Originally Posted by pSYeNCe

Well then, I have a question for you all.

My disappointment this year is that my mother banned me from FIRST. Her reason is one I can't talk about here, but I assure you it's not sound. My FIRST team meant everything to me and I dedicated tons of time to it, and made some of the best memories of my life at meetings and (especially) competitions. I had intended on making two more years of memories, too (Junior here).

How am I to do better/deal/change her mind? I've tried convincing her and she won't budge, and we just don't have anything else like FIRST around here. Everyone here knows how exhilarating it is being on a team. I'm sure you can understand my frustration.

(I realize the topic here has been on competition disappointment, but *technically* the subject of the first post just said "Dealing with disappointments" )

If you really want it, you will make a way for it. There are people in this world that would try to stop you from reaching your goal, power your way through your oppositions. The only way to the top is uphill remember that. I will tell you this: FIRST is not the only option. One option is join a sport, build your own robot in your free time, do something else productive. You have to remember this, there are always more than one option. If it is a team that you want, go join track and field, if you are a bigger guy like me try out for football, hell, even go lift weights your self. You do not realize how much discipline you can gain from a strict weight lifting routine with a strict diet. Do something robotics related like programming or something in your free time.

Just find alternates.

[rcmolloy]

Ever since our terrible year in 2009, we have restructured EVERYTHING we do during the off-season and during the season. In 2009, the team took the mistakes that we made and made sure that they did not occur again this past year. Also, we tried to make everything simpler and easier.

I would love to write a huge post about all of this but I just wanted to mention what we did. My team didn't just sulk and say "OK were just gonna try harder next year." We decided that we were going to do things and hit our marks.

This was a quote I stated to the team last year during our Pre-Season meetings.

"Disappointments are what happened when we accepted defeat last year. This year, I am not accepting nothing less than excellence and positive outcomes."

I believe for a fact we truly did accomplish what that quote stated.

[Daniel_LaFleur]

Originally Posted by pSYeNCe

Well then, I have a question for you all.

My disappointment this year is that my mother banned me from FIRST. Her reason is one I can't talk about here, but I assure you it's not sound. My FIRST team meant everything to me and I dedicated tons of time to it, and made some of the best memories of my life at meetings and (especially) competitions. I had intended on making two more years of memories, too (Junior here).

How am I to do better/deal/change her mind? I've tried convincing her and she won't budge, and we just don't have anything else like FIRST around here. Everyone here knows how exhilarating it is being on a team. I'm sure you can understand my frustration.

(I realize the topic here has been on competition disappointment, but *technically* the subject of the first post just said "Dealing with disappointments" )

Because we don't know the reason, we cannot directly answer your question. That said, I can give you some advice about dealing with people when they obstruct you from your goals. Most times the person obstructing you believe they are the right thing and their job. Calling their decision/reason not sound is counterproductive (and probably unwise).

Instead you should start asking questions about their reasoning. Questions like ... "What are your concerns?" or "what do I need to do to be able to do this" ... etc. Approach their decision from a rational point of view.

Remember: Sometimes brick walls are put there to see how much you really want something

[artdutra04]

Originally Posted by Daniel_LaFleur

Remember: Sometimes brick walls are put there to see how much you really want something

It's true. Neighbors install fences just to ensure that only industrious kids get their frisbees or balls back.

We even figured out how to get over an electric fence with lawn chairs.

[Al Skierkiewicz]

Originally Posted by pSYeNCe

My disappointment this year is that my mother banned me from FIRST. Her reason is one I can't talk about here, but I assure you it's not sound.

James,
I am guessing that it is sound. It may not appear that way to you but parents have this funny way of knowing what's best at a particular point in time. Fix the problem and the rest will fall into place. For all that First is, it is secondary to other things in your life that should be important. We tell our students that family is first, school is second, family needs and directives (church, scouting, taking care of family members, work, etc.) are third and everything else comes after that including First. Does your school adviser/lead teacher/counselor know of the problem? Have they discussed this with your parents?

[Taylor]

Originally Posted by pSYeNCe

Well then, I have a question for you all.

My disappointment this year is that my mother banned me from FIRST. Her reason is one I can't talk about here, but I assure you it's not sound.

Sounds like a problem for FAHA. This is an underutilized resource (much like UFH and many others) that Chief Delphi provides.

[Brandon Holley]

Originally Posted by Taylor

Sounds like a problem for FAHA. This is an underutilized resource (much like UFH and many others) that Chief Delphi provides.

May be a tad late for this one, but definitely in the future.

[Alan Anderson]

Originally Posted by pSYeNCe

My disappointment this year is that my mother banned me from FIRST....How am I to do better/deal/change her mind? I've tried convincing her and she won't budge,...

Use team mentors and/or school counselors as a resource. Find another adult who can discuss the situation with your mother. Definitely don't treat it as a fight, and even try not to think of it as one side against another.

As Al points out, there probably is a good reason. Something isn't wrong or unjust simply because you disagree with it.

[Pat Arnold]

Originally Posted by Akash Rastogi

... I can't shake myself from a certain sense of disappointment...I wanted to get a few words of advice or encouragement from some mentors out there, especially the big guys out there.

Here are a few thoughts from a mentor helping a small team from a small community: disappointment is normal; the passage of time helps reframe those feelings. This may sound trite, but it's true.

I find that disappointment often stems not so much from failing to win a trophy but specifically from not gaining the public recognition we feel our efforts warrant. Celebrity will always be a coveted status, meaning in a general sense 'reputation' or 'renown'.

The anonymity of a huge venue like Championship can be overwhelming. The vast overwhelming majority of FIRST teams who continue to inspire their students & compete each year despite relative anonymity have my utmost respect. (Role model teams help tremendously when they recognize the efforts of smaller teams that often fly under the radar for years. Those team awards many have created & give out go a long way toward easing the disappointment felt by often otherwise unrecognized teams.)

I find participation in smaller, off season events helps to refocus & rebuild faith in all a team has achieved.

[MrForbes]

We won a regional after being undefeated in qualifying and seeding first. In Newton we were 5-2 and seeded 17th, and were picked near the end and lost both quarterfinal matches. I had a great time, we came in knowing the competition was very tough, and that we had a one in eight chance of getting to Einstein, and we should just give it our best, and have fun.

I can't think of anything we realistically could have done differently either as a team or with the robot that would have made us do better.

It was tough out there! There are a LOT of great teams and great robots this year. I think that's a good thing.

[Al Skierkiewicz]

Akash,
I know how disappointing it is for a team not to be picked. I saw many bypassed this past weekend. Please take this to heart. I can't speak for other teams in the same situation, but WildStang values the data it collects on robots and human players. Many of our students were involved in scouting and strategy and all of that collected data was looked over and considered in our final decisions. Teams that are in a position to pick are (or should be) looking for teams that best complement their own design and strategy. Unfortunately, that means that great teams and robots get bypassed because they either perform the same function as the picking team or another team has just a little more of an edge. This year's game is so diverse and so strategic that it makes picking an alliance a very difficult job. No one should feel bad they didn't get picked, there were too many great teams to pick from, especially in Galileo. The odds are against getting picked as you know and being in a picking situation is sometimes made as much from luck as anything else. Be proud of your accomplishments, you had a good robot. Remember I could see it from the inspection station.

[Foster]

I keep telling myself that going 5-2-0 and proving our worth on Galileo is a pretty good way to end off the year, but I can't shake myself from a certain sense of disappointment.

I was going to post some words of encouragement and then I saw this:

2009 SAC Regional CHAIRMAN'S AWARD!!! - 1323 MadTown Robotics
2009 Philly Regional #7 Seed (7-2-0)
2009 Philly Regional Quarter-Finalists #4 Alliance. Thank you 222 and 316! 1st pick.
2009 New Jersey Regional Chrysler Team Spirit Award for EWCP
2009 New Jersey Regional Semi-Finalists #4 Alliance. Thank you 422 and 1807! 1st pick.

You went to three regionals and rocked, you went to Atlanta, the big game and racked up a 5-2 record, which puts you in the top 20% of ALL the teams from around the world. You had an amazing season! YOUR ROBOTEERS HAD AN AMAZING SEASON!! There are teams that would sell Grandmothers (sorry Grams) to have mentors like you. All I can suggest that you do is try to transfer some of your knowlege and skills to other teams near you to help them get better.

[Swampdude]

Well Akash, as you know 179 went home early too. According to our scouting, if you dropped our first match, that we scored zero with the bot while the opposing alliances strategy was simply to avoid us, we averaged 15 balls a match (our last match we had 23 balls). That was the 4th highest scoring average in Galileo, and we didn't get picked. Talk about surprised.. Thats the first time since 2003 we haven't been in finals. But the way I look at it, I knew nobody was going to beat 111 and 67 - or even if it was 111 and 71. There was no beating that alliance, and it was the one we wanted to be on.
I knew great teams would get passed up in a crowd like this, it's statistically inevitable. The best team(s) won and thats the good part. Pat's right in saying the smaller venues will give you the chances and confidence we all need. I consider us extremely LUCKY to have made it to Einstien in 2007, as I consider us unlucky to not have been picked this year. As everyone knows luck has a lot to do with it, and you can't win em all. That really is a good lesson.

[Chris is me]

above post reported, though i did get a kick out of "wildstang" being from canada