Funeral

[Katie_269]

I have kind of a weird question to ask...I was wondering if anyone has ever been to a funeral where the person who died was cremated...probably spelt that wrong...well anyway...cuz my grandma just recently died on wednesday morning...early and she is going to be cremated...and I am really scared about going to the funeral...which is going to be on monday night...can anyone help me out...does anyone know what happens???


Katelyn

[dlavery]

Katelyn -

First off, we are very sorry to hear about the loss of your grandmother. Our thoughts are with you and your family.

Not to worry, it will be just like any funeral with a casket. The only difference will be if she is cremated before the service, they will just have the urn of ashes (completely closed and sealed) up at the front of the church instead of the casket. If she is to be cremated after the service, she will probably be there in the casket and then the cremation will be done by the funeral home after everyone leaves. Unless something extraordinary has been requested by the decedant, the family and friends are not around when the actual cremation takes place.

After the cremation, depending on your grandmother's wishes, the urn will either be given to her family, or it may be placed in a columbarium or similar memorial facility if she is to be "buried."

I was 21 when my father died, after a very long bout with cancer. He had asked that his body be donated for medical research, which was done. We received his remains back from the medical school about a year after his death, and had them cremated.

We had held the funeral/memorial service right after his death, but did not have a "burial." A year later, the major emotional shocks had worn off. My family was all pretty matter-of-fact about having a very small, quiet ceremony to place his ashes at Arlington National Cemetary. We had focused on his "life celebration" at the memorial service, and placing his ashes was a smaller event for us.

In the mean time, I had taken a new job, and my boss didn't know that my father had died a full year before. I walked into his office one morning, and said "can I take the afternoon off? I need to bury my dad. I just need a few hours." He naturally thought that it had just happened. The look on his face was priceless - he couldn't tell if I was the most callous son in the world, or just completely nuts. I thought for a while about just leaving him confused (he was already convinced I was not entirely normal), but finally relented and let him in on the story.

The bottom line is: it will be a normal memorial service. They are frequently very difficult to get through, because of the emotional loss. But there is nothing to fear about her desire to be cremated, it will not add anything unusual or traumatic to the service.

-dave

[srawls]

sorry to hear about your grandmother. I'm going to a funeral tommorow (Saturday), where my great Aunt has been cremated, so I guess I can fill you in when I get back.

Stephen

[MattK]

My very good friend's (my best female friend) dad died from cancer last October. He was creamated, The Funural is the same basicly (typicaly closed casscit). Then the body goes to get creamated and you pick the ash's up typicaly a couple days later. Its not scaryeir than any other funural, but I think its alot sadder, I dunno why but I do.

I am sorry about your grandmother

-Matt

[Jnadke]

I know how it feels to have your grandparents pass away.

My grandfather passed away about 5 years ago. The thing is, I knew him really well. I had spent the previous 2 summers with him, and we had so much fun. My uncle(s) would work during the day, and I would stay home with my grandfather and watch my cousin from Florida who was up to visit his dad for the summer.

It was a major shock when he died. I went to the funeral and did nothing. I wasn't happy. I wasn't sad. I wasn't mad. I feel ashamed for feeling that way. I eventually got over it.

[robomama]

katie, i'm so sorry about your grandmother. that is a really hard thing to go thru, at your age especiallly. i don't know about a creamation, but i think it will be hard no matter what...but you will get thru it.

i think this is very normal for a lot of people

It was a major shock when he died. I went to the funeral and did nothing. I wasn't happy. I wasn't sad. I wasn't mad. I feel ashamed for feeling that way. I eventually got over it.

and you shouldn't feel ashamed about how you feel, how ever that is, Jnadke, everyone deals with grief differently. me.. i bawl like a baby. but that's the way i am about anything that touches my heart. but i always feel better after i get it all out. i also believe it is very healthy to get the emotions out. other people feel embarrased to cry.

katie, i will say a prayer for you and your family in this most difficult time. and remember your grandma is in a wonderful place!

[Katie_269]

Thanks so much everyone...


Katelyn

[MissInformation]

Katelyn, I'm sorry you've lost your grandmother, I know it's a sad time for you, and frightening as well. Dave's right about the funeral, either a casket or an urn and it won't be very different from a non-cremation (hey, you did spell it right, by the way) funeral. If you need someone to listen to you about any of this, I certainly will (lots of experience, out of 6 grandparents, I have only 1 left), as I'm sure almost anyone here will.

Jnadke, listen to robomama, everyone grieves in their own way, and it's not always the same way every time. I have a bad habit of laughing (yep, laughing, but I do cry as well) at funerals and other serious situations. At my Grandfather's funeral when I was 14, a rather large and disagreeable Aunt sat down on a folding chair at the gravesite and broke the chair. I managed not to laugh out loud, but I was shaking so hard, next thing I knew, I was surrounded by other relatives, who held and consoled me (they were all worried about me because I had been holding my grandfather's hand when he died). I felt bad about laughing at first, but I eventually realized it did nothing to diminish how much I loved my grandfather or anyone else I lost. So, listen to your elders here, and don't be ashamed, it sounds like you loved your grandfather very much.

Heidi