Jokes

[EricH]

Originally Posted by ScottM

"Engineers and scientists will never earn as much as business executives and sales people."

Yeah, but they're helpless without us. Something about having to have something to sell...

There are several shirts at my college poking fun at our archrival, which happens to be a liberal arts school. (SDSMT is engineering and science almost exclusively--the exceptions are general ed classes.) One of them gives the score of the last football game (we won by one point) and the starting salaries. Ours? The shirt gives the minimum. Theirs? The shirt gives the maximum, which is about half of our minimum...

The other thing is that engineers don't need a bailout to survive, they'll just invent something new and make money anyway.

[Taylor]

Q: What do you get when you cross a salamander with a pineapple?

A: (Salamander)(pineapple)(sine-of-theta.)


Q: What do you get when you cross a mountain goat with a mosquito?

A: Nothing. You can't cross a scalar with a vector.

[Liu_yiang]

What do you get if you divide the cirucmference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?

Pumpkin Pi

[linklord231]

An engineer died and reported to the pearly gates. An intern angel, filling in for St. Peter, checked his dossier and grimly said, "Ah, you're an engineer; you're in the wrong place."

So the engineer was cast down to the gates of hell and was let in. Pretty soon, the engineer became gravely dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and began designing and building improvements. After a while, the underworld had air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators, and the engineer was becoming a pretty popular guy among the demons.

One day, God called Satan up on the telephone and asked with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"

Satan laughed and replied, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God's face clouded over and he exploded, "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake; he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."

Satan shook his head, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."

God was as mad as he had ever been, "This is not the way things are supposed to work and you know it. Send him back up here or I'll sue."

Satan laughed uproariously, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"

[cooldude8181]

Teacher: "Who can tell me what 7 times 6 is?"
Student: "It's 42!"
Teacher: "Very good! - And who can tell me what 6 times 7 is?"
Same student: "It's 24!"

[Wayne Doenges]

Think about this:

If the chips are down than the cows are eating pillows

[Refresh]

3 out of 2 people have problems with fractions.

Thats about the only math joke I know or understand.

[EricH]

I'm right 90% of the time, who cares about the other 11%?

I heard that 72% of all statistics are made up on the spur of the moment.

[Ken Leung]

Originally Posted by Xavier Brandall

Anyone have any good jokes?

Ladies and gentlemen, he asked for good jokes.

Here are a few, courtesy to A prairie Home Companion's Joke Show:

"Last night i lay in bed, looking up at the stars... in the sky... and I thought to myself...

Where is the ceiling?"

...

Someone once asked, "After you are dead, what would you like people to say about you?"

First guy said, "I'd like them to say i was a great doctor, and a great family man."

Second guy said, "I'd like them to say I made a difference in the lives of many people."

Third guy said, "I'd like them to say, 'Look, he is moving.'"

...

And a speechwriting joke:

A long-suffering speechwriter promised one last address for his ungrateful politician boss. The first page of the speech says: "Some say we can't save the cities, improve the military and balance the budget - I say we can, and I'm going to tell you how right now. Some say you can't have environmental protection and economic growth - I say we can and I'm going to tell you how right now." The politician flips to the second page of the speech, which simply says:

"OK, now you're on your own."

(Excerpt From "White House Ghost")

[EricH]

If Ken can borrow a few jokes from the show Prairie Home Companion, I'll borrow one from the movie...

Two penguins are on an iceberg. One says to the other, "You look like you're wearing a tuxedo." The other responds, "What makes you think I'm not?"

[EricH]

One that I just remembered...

I can show that homework is a force.

Stress = Force/Area.
Stress also = Homework/Time (amount of homework/time left to finish it).

Therefore, Force/Area=Stress=Homework/Time.

Force/Area = Homework/Time

The numerators say that Force = Homework. Therefore, homework is a force.

[Molten]

Originally Posted by EricH

One that I just remembered...

I can show that homework is a force.

Stress = Force/Area.
Stress also = Homework/Time (amount of homework/time left to finish it).

Therefore, Force/Area=Stress=Homework/Time.

Force/Area = Homework/Time

The numerators say that Force = Homework. Therefore, homework is a force.

Now...to manipulate it a bit farther. If we multiply both sides by Area/Homework we get:

Force/Homework=Area/Time

That means that as you apply more force to completing your homework or lower the amount of homework you have left, you'll increase the open space on your desk over time. Something interesting and true...It must prove the math.

[KrakatoaCoo]

Here is a really good joke.

There are three doctors and three mathematicians boarding a train. The three doctors buy 1 ticket and the mathematicians buy 3 tickets. The mathematicians ask "How are you going to ride a train with 1 ticket?" The doctors replied, "You'll see." The 3 doctors fit in one bathroom and the mathematicians sit at seats. The conductor comes to the bathroom door and says, "ticket please". The doctors give one ticket.

On the way back, the mathematicians buy 1 ticket and the doctors don't buy tickets at all. The mathematicians ask "How are you going to ride a train with no tickets?" The doctors replied, "You'll see." The doctors go to one bathroom and the mathematicians fit into another bathroom. One of the doctors knocks on the mathematicians' bathroom and asks "ticket please?"

[Taylor]

The more you Study, the less you Know.

The more you Study, the more you Know.
The more you Know, the more you can Forget.
The more you can Forget, the more you do Forget.
The more you do Forget, the less you Know.

Therefore, the more you Study, the less you Know.

[Captain banana]

you go to your friends house and take one thing off their wall. They will imediately notice something is missing ask you where it is. you say no. Then you go over again and sneak back onto the wall and look at their exclamation of astonishment.