Conflict with Mentor

[dancingfool]

As a student mentor to this team, I have to bring out a few misrepresentations.

Presenters were not identified until the night before (I'm talking like midnight) they were actually going to present, due to poor organization of the project. With the help of the new student, who put in A LOT of time with myself to learn about the process of chairman's and the team. The presentation was completed, visual display was completed, and oral presentation was created, outlined, prepared and practiced throughly by both myself, the lead mentor and other team members including the "new" student.
Just because a team member was not physically at your build site and working on the robot does not mean that they were new and/or not involved, so please, next time make sure you have all of your information before making accusations. I agree dirty laundry should not be aired, I suggest that you talk to the mentor in a professional manner if this is still bothering you.

Also, this mentor was not absent for 2 weeks, this is a gross inflation. He was always either in contact or reachable with a response within at most, an hour. Reguardless, Chief Delphi is NOT the place for this.

[waialua359]

Sounds to me that both sides are true to their own perspectives and that a lack of communication occurred here.
To be honest, this shouldnt be posted here as its not imperative for the CD community to give you solutions/suggestions. But rather, the best way to resolve it is to talk to your mentor directly.
Every team has issues here/there and the best way we resolve our own challenges are discussions and clear communication amongst all members.

[DonRotolo]

Originally Posted by JesseK

These sound like the types of conflicts that occur between professional engineers and Program Managers. The only thing you're 'entitled' to is an explanation

The only reason you would want an explanation is so that you do not make the same mistake again in the future.

Originally Posted by thefro526

I'd suggest sitting down with the mentor in question with at least one other Adult present and discussing your issues. Stay very polite and very impartial and you should get the answer you're looking for, but it may not be what you want to hear.

Originally Posted by eagle33199

I'm not sure how the lead mentor can really fulfill his responsibilities - yeah, work comes first, but being out of communication for 2 weeks during a 6 week build season is a serious indication that it might be time to pass the responsibilities to someone else and let him take a smaller role on the team.

These quotes echo my thoughts exactly.

When I have an issue with a program manager (good call Jesse) I know I'm at least entitled to an explanation. I approach it very openly, and make it perfectly clear that I'm not looking to blame or question the decision, instead my real intention is to get information along the lines of what thefro526 wrote - and I ask them to not mince words or dance around the topic: Say what needs to be said, brutal it may be.

(And, in some cases, it WAS brutal. And I did NOT like hearing it. But further honest reflection showed that it was true. And knowing 'my breath stinks' has helped me far more than any thanks and praise I've ever received.)

While the mentor is delivering their opinion/explanation.whatever, don't say anything (unless you didn't understand a word, then ask for a repeat). Do not interrupt, do not defend yourself - just listen. After they are done, be sure to thank them for their honest feedback, and close the books. Arguing or defending is not how to accept feedback. Someone who shares their opinion cannot be wrong - their opinion is their opinion.

Good luck, I hope you learn something for all this heartache.

[dag0620]

Originally Posted by dancingfool

. Reguardless, Chief Delphi is NOT the place for this.

If I may say so...

If anything, I feel that her going to people outside of the team was the smart thing to do. I have had some issues in the past with people on my team. Instead of coming to other FIRST members for advice in a calm fashion for some simple advice like she did, I aired my Dirty Laundry all around the team and did nothing to fix my problem. It didn't turn out well and I have some not so good relations with the said team member as well as many other because of my poor choices.

So there is nothing wrong with her coming to Chief Delphi for Advice. If anything she did the right thing to avoid causing long lasting Hard Feelings with the involved people in her problem

[rcmolloy]

Kimmeh,

I know many people on my team have had problems with the mentors and their final opinions. I even was a part of one myself with the drivers on our team. Although it ended in my favor, I know the person that was put out was very upset about the situation. The best thing I told him was to realize that this isn't because you're bad in anyway. This happened to help us become better. The best thing was he was proud of me and our drive team isn't just one driver but all of us communicating to achieve victory.

I know your situation was much different. Next year, show them that you can be a leader and present in a great way. That way, you are the first to be chosen. Most things are politics and we have to live with them. Hell, I play football and all around it's either who is good or not or who they like the most. Impress them Kimmeh with all you got and be yourself. Things happen for a reason and you just need to shine above them!

REMEMBER!!! Actions Speak Louder Than Words!

[Tom Line]

I've now talked with some other people and gotten a slightly clearer picture of the issue. I will simply ask EVERYONE reading this post to refrain from passing any type of judgement on the people named. Simply put, what you have heard here is a very small portion of the overall picture (as is always the case when someone chooses to bring an issue to a forum).

However, I think it's good that Kimmeh came out and let folks know how she felt. Sometimes that can be hard to do when speaking directly to someone and this will help the folks involved understand how she feels.

I will also thank everyone for the wonderful advice. I'm sure it will be put to very good use as this issue comes to a resolution.

[HashemReza]

The easiest way that I see (from a student's perspective) to deal with the situation would be suggesting a student power structure.

Simply put, it's going to be difficult for you to make any kind of power changes during the season. Putting a simple structure in for your team to create a hierarchy can make everything more organized, not just chairman's. Furthermore, it will empower students to fill those positions, and really give each person a specific purpose and title (which everyone seems to like ).

I know that, for our team, the decisions for who presents Chairman's and what is said is almost completely student-controlled. Our Director of Public Relations is in charge of making those decisions, and final decisions are run by the mentor and explained to show a logical thought process behind it.

Frankly, if you begin to make your team run more like a business then people become accountable, and if people are accountable then logic will take precedence over preference. I know that our team would never have allowed someone who hadn't even been to a meeting present our Chairman's award, it is simply illogical to hope that the person will be able to absorb everything they need to in such a short period.

In short, by adding more structure to your team, it will take away some of the unnecessary stress from your mentor, as well as empower the students to stand up for their opinions. While it's not foolproof, it's a good step forward for any team.

If you're looking for a less...formal approach, let me be the first to say that conflict solves nothing, unless it is done with care and tact. Realize that even though this mentor may have made a decision you disagree with, this person has made the effort to mentor your team, and still deserves your respect.

[JesseK]

These sound like the types of conflicts that occur between professional engineers and Program Managers. In all honesty, the mentorship may have made a decision based upon information that you didn't know, or more probably they made a decision based upon information you simply do not like. The info could have ranged from everything dealing with the lack of time management to how well she spoke under pressure. It's not really worth conjecture though.

The only thing you're 'entitled' to is an explanation, but only if you're not confronting in your approach to the mentor(s) who made the decision. Past that, it's not really worth it in your last year of high school. If you're going to Atlanta then enjoy the Championships; if not then enjoy the rest of the school year. Either way, regardless of whether it was a weighted decision, impulsive decision, success or mistake the only thing you can really do is get over it and move on.

The only reason you would want an explanation is so that you do not make the same mistake again in the future.

[thefro526]

I applaud the way this post was written, I like how you made sure to not mention anyone by name and kept the specifics to a minimum.

Onto the subject of the post though, I've had my own problems with team leadership and addressing problems with a mentor is not an easy thing to do. I'd suggest sitting down with the mentor in question with at least one other Adult present and discussing your issues. Stay very polite and very impartial and you should get the answer you're looking for, but it may not be what you want to hear.

Good luck.

[the programmer]

I think something important to remember is that mentors put a lot of time into this and that he probably thought that it was the best thing for him to do. Another thing is that having mentored FLL, I know how hard mentoing can be and I think that you need to realize that mentors have to walk a very fine line between teaching and guiding. So please keep in mind if you talk to that mentor that his job is very hard and that he only had everyone's best interest at heart also, remember that sometimes the student can become the teacher which I think is the best thing that could happen now.

[gvarndell]

I get the impression this young lady's role as presenter was a foregone conclusion before it was announced.
There could be very good reasons why she was a better choice, for that specific role, than you.
Many teens are just not good at interacting with adults; maybe she is and the mentor felt you would not be.
I think the mentor could/should have anticipated the emotional fallout and exercised better people skills.
You should not be wondering why you were not chosen.
Even if explaining the reason would have been awkward for the mentor.
Even if the reason doesn't seem at all fair to you.
As others have suggested, talk to other mentors about your feelings in this matter -- but be prepared to listen as well.
This may have been the right decision handled the wrong way.