Overshadowing syblings

[Perseus]

As i struggled thorugh calc today, my dad walked in. Seeing me in an utter state of distress. He tried to cheer me up, ending his 10 minute speech with "if your brother could do it, so can u."

that got me thinking, what if thats not the case. I mean, my brother is naturally smart. I am not. i work for my grades, he just breezed through. he has set the bar very high and i think its unlikely i will reach it. I was just wondering if ne one else have syblings that "overshadow" you?
this is also to get out some of my anger and frustration.....

[Kristina]

i'm probably one of those overshadowing silbings you speak of

i think my brother gets frustrated when my parents always compare him to me and when all his teachers ask if he's "Kristina's little brother." But he still excels in many many many areas that I don't...mainly: science, art, sports, music, etc.

just talk to your dad about it though, i'm sure he doesn't mean this and once you tell him he'll watch what he says. and also find your own niche.

[FotoPlasma]

My brother, Bill Gold, is really one of the most involved people I know, when it comes to FIRST robotics. He's carried 258 for the past year, and without him, I'm sure we wouldn't have been able to compete anywhere, much less Nationals. It's kinda hard to walk in his shadow, almost everyone I know through robotics thinks of my as "Bill's little brother", but I don't really let it get to me, too much. I don't think I try to live up to what he's done, when it comes to FIRST because we really do have different lives.

Overall, I can honestly say that I don't feel expected do to as much as Bill, when it comes to FIRST Robotics, but I really am @!#@!#@!#@!# proud to be his brother.

[Amber H.]

I'm with Doanie8 on this one. (I really enjoy your insights).

Try talking to your dad about it. Try and get youself in a more tranquil state first though. It will go better.

Finding your own niche is good too. I refused to join the swim team just because my sister had been on it. The swim coach wasn't too pleased, but I was able to succeed in my own arena somewhere else where I never had to deal with being compared to my older sister.

Find your strengths and go with them. This doesen't mean to give up on the other stuff. Give yourself the gift of having something worthwhile to struggle against, but at the same time, give yourself some credit for the things you do well.

[Perseus]

this really aint about my dad and all...i was just wonderin how many people are in a similar situation.

but thanks for the advice

[evulish]

Huh. My sister was third in her class. She was an athlete. She had almost a 4.0 GPA. She got a $7k/year scholarship to Elizabethtown college and then is planning to go to Thomas Jefferson U. She got accepted to every college she applied to.

She is the epitome of the overshadowing sibling. I'm okay with my B average and un-athletic life style. My parents, on the other hand, are not. My parents have tried to get me into sports. I lack seeing the fun in running into other people and trying to grab onto a ball just to whack the crap out of it later. It's especially awful when they repeat what she has accomplished...it just makes me feel all the better! Oh yeah. I'm good at computers...I'm sure that has a better sellable trait than being #3 in her highschool crosscountry team. *sigh*

Ohh...I am exceptionally bright. Not to brag...but I probably could be just as good as my sister. It's just that I don't care to be...and don't need/want to be reminded that I could. I like who I am, I like where I sit, and it seems to work well for me.

[Chris Nowak]

keh...I'm just the opposite of an overshadowing sibling. I do breeze through my classes and such, but my younger sister gets better grades than me. My sister gets like all A's. I'm glad, however, that my parents don't mind me having a 3.4 GPA. I just don't think High School is so incredibly important that I should try my hardest even in classes like "health" or other totally idiotic classes that waste my time. I can't wait for college.

[MissInformation]

I have a sister who is 5 year older than me, and she was the smart one, the out-going one, the pretty one, and she was always the perfect daughter, the perfect granddaughter, the perfect sister... if she hadn't been so darn nice, I would have hated her. As it was, I idolized her so much I tried to be exactly like her. So much like her that I almost got engaged my first year in college just because that was what she did (poor guy, one second, we're looking at rings, the next second, I'm running like h*ll in the other direction). My little wake up call there made me realize that I liked who I was, that I didn't want to be like my sister. In a way, I lost my hero that year, for the first time I saw flaws in my perfect sister. And I certainly have sympathy for her. Though my parents tried not to show it, they did favor her a bit over the rest of us, and so she had a lot more expectations to live up to.

Nothing is going to change the fact that she graduated first (both high school and college), got married first, gave my parents their first and second (and only) grandchildren and all that. But (I say a bit evilly) she's going to hit 40 first! And because she's married, my mom is already making plans on moving in with her if something happens to my father. Sometimes the trade-off is good.

MissInformation

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My family puts the fun in dysfunction.

i have 3 older sisters..all of which graduated in the top 10 of their class. then there was me....definately not in the top 10. but i guess it's kinda even because all they did was study. i actually had friends, played sports, did FIRST....so i guess you could say that i'm normal..so they don't overshadow me anymore. :-)

[Amber H.]

Sibling relationships can take many shapes and forms. Sometimes it is not about excelling at one thing or another. My older sister had a learning disability and was very awkward in some things (although she was an excellent swimmer). There were times that I would be envious of the extra attention she would get from our Mother to help her socially. But I eventually became grateful that I didn’t need help like my sister did.

My younger brother overshadowed me simply because he was a boy. When I was eleven I felt like I dropped completely off my parent’s radar screen. Miracle of miracles! We finally have a SON!
Every time we had company, or visited with other people, I would have to endure this charming little anecdote about some comment my father made when I was born about how disappointed he was that I was a girl. I won’t re-tell the story, it’s too painful. But it’s really funny if you didn’t happen to be the worthless GIRL born to the family in it. My parent’s friends would laugh and snicker along with them. I would pretend that it didn’t bother me and then cry myself to sleep later that night.
I only resented my parent’s behavior though, not my brother. I love my brother dearly. I had wanted a little brother for years before he was born. No amount of insensitive behavior on my father’s part was going to destroy that. (My father stopped telling that story when I finally told him one day how much it hurt me. He means well, but tends to get carried away if it will get a laugh out of someone.)
I have a unique relationship with my brother now because I ended up raising him through his teen years. I’m so proud of him. He never got into much trouble, never did drugs (never even smoked or drank), and I never ever had to get after him to do his homework. He is honest and works hard. He plans on serving a religious mission for two years when he is ready in a few months. He had his fair share of mischief and pranks, but so did I as a teenager.
I guess it might seem odd to someone who hasn’t experienced raising a sibling. I feel like a sister, mother, and best friend all at the same time. We’re very close.
I can’t wait until my younger children are in their teens. Young adults are a challenge and inspiration at the same time. I have a hard time understanding people who don’t like teenagers. Even before my kid brother came to live with me, the high school kids in the neighborhood would stop by my house on the way home just to say, “hi” (mostly babysitters for my younger children). I miss interacting with them.
I’m so glad this CD forum became part of my research for the book. I enjoy reading your perspectives so much I’ll probably stick around long after it’s done (the book I mean).

[ChrisH]

Originally posted by Miss Tree
I’m so glad this CD forum became part of my research for the book. I enjoy reading your perspectives so much I’ll probably stick around long after it’s done (the book I mean).

But what about the sequels? Of course you'll have to replace some of your characters every "year". The darn things keep graduating. I guess you could keep one or two as "mentors" though.

Anything worth doing is worth overdoing

[MissInformation]

My younger brother overshadowed me simply because he was a boy.

I grew up resenting the difference in the way my brothers and I were treated. My father taught my brothers how to work on cars, my mother taught me how to cook. I wanted to work on cars and soap box derbies, not cooking or sewing or any of the other girly things. My brothers also had more freedom than me, for example, they got to go out on Moving Night when they were 14 (prank night before Halloween for those who don't know), I couldn't until I was 17. (note, as the oldest, my sister did what she wanted) I must have sounded like a broken record on how many times I claimed it was unfair! It's probably the main reason I get a little extreme about things being equal and fair now.


MissInformation

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I was just as bad as they were, the only difference being, I never got caught.

[Amber H.]

Originally posted by ChrisH


But what about the sequels? Of course you'll have to replace some of your characters every "year". The darn things keep graduating. I guess you could keep one or two as "mentors" though.

Anything worth doing is worth overdoing

I'm actually considering turning this current project into a series. I've found so much information that would be fun to stick in as plot twists, I don't want any of it to go to waste. If I do create a series, I think I'll stay away from the murder mystery scenario and turn more toward something like treasure hunting. It's really hard to depict gruesome crimes in a way that is acceptable for YA (young Adult) readers.

A word to the wise: Never sit down to eat a snack while researching about the identification of human remains. I don't think I'll look at potato chips in quite the same way ever again.

[SolderQueen]

I'm the third of four, and unfortunately there are ten and a half years between me and the second, and two and a half years between me and my younger brother.
My older sister and brother weren't able to complete college, and since I am currently *in* college, there are a lot of expectations.
This, I suppose, is one case where I am *not* supposed to do as my older siblings did. Unfortunately, my younger brother is still farly immature, and my parents "don't have much hope for him" as they have told me.
The pressure's on, and it's hard. I'm trying to act as if I'm doing college for myself, though I can't help but feel that if I don't do this, I'll let my entire family down.
I'm pretty sure I can though.
At least...I hope.

[dlavery]

Originally posted by MissInformation


I grew up resenting the difference in the way my brothers and I were treated. My father taught my brothers how to work on cars, my mother taught me how to cook. ...

You COOK!!???!? Does Eric know?

-dave



[sorry Heidi, I just couldn't resist! ]