Overshadowing syblings

[Amber H.]

Sibling relationships can take many shapes and forms. Sometimes it is not about excelling at one thing or another. My older sister had a learning disability and was very awkward in some things (although she was an excellent swimmer). There were times that I would be envious of the extra attention she would get from our Mother to help her socially. But I eventually became grateful that I didn’t need help like my sister did.

My younger brother overshadowed me simply because he was a boy. When I was eleven I felt like I dropped completely off my parent’s radar screen. Miracle of miracles! We finally have a SON!
Every time we had company, or visited with other people, I would have to endure this charming little anecdote about some comment my father made when I was born about how disappointed he was that I was a girl. I won’t re-tell the story, it’s too painful. But it’s really funny if you didn’t happen to be the worthless GIRL born to the family in it. My parent’s friends would laugh and snicker along with them. I would pretend that it didn’t bother me and then cry myself to sleep later that night.
I only resented my parent’s behavior though, not my brother. I love my brother dearly. I had wanted a little brother for years before he was born. No amount of insensitive behavior on my father’s part was going to destroy that. (My father stopped telling that story when I finally told him one day how much it hurt me. He means well, but tends to get carried away if it will get a laugh out of someone.)
I have a unique relationship with my brother now because I ended up raising him through his teen years. I’m so proud of him. He never got into much trouble, never did drugs (never even smoked or drank), and I never ever had to get after him to do his homework. He is honest and works hard. He plans on serving a religious mission for two years when he is ready in a few months. He had his fair share of mischief and pranks, but so did I as a teenager.
I guess it might seem odd to someone who hasn’t experienced raising a sibling. I feel like a sister, mother, and best friend all at the same time. We’re very close.
I can’t wait until my younger children are in their teens. Young adults are a challenge and inspiration at the same time. I have a hard time understanding people who don’t like teenagers. Even before my kid brother came to live with me, the high school kids in the neighborhood would stop by my house on the way home just to say, “hi” (mostly babysitters for my younger children). I miss interacting with them.
I’m so glad this CD forum became part of my research for the book. I enjoy reading your perspectives so much I’ll probably stick around long after it’s done (the book I mean).