If everyone spent half as much time reading and understanding the rules as they do complaining, arguing, and disagreeing about rules, we might not even be having this discussion.
If you are on the drive-team, if you're a coach, if you're a strategy person, heck if you're just on a team, or if you plan to ref, you darn well better study those rules. Many teams have a game test. It becomes very apparent who has not even glanced at the rules. If you're a spectator that's going to complain about a "bad" call, you darn well better know for a FACT that the call was "bad". You better have read those rules from start to finish, asked "good" questions on Q/A, read all the updates, and re-read them 10+ more times. You might even be able to recite the rule number off the top of your head..
Sometimes there are definitely very blatant incorrect calls or "made-up rules" (especially in early weeks and many rule revisions). And, I knew the rules inside and out to be able to say that. But, most of the time what I see, is the misunderstanding or misinterpretation of a rule that gets argued about. I cannot even begin to count the number of unncessary questions on the Q/A forum. Questions are good - but when the answer is literally written in black and white in the rules - you didn't read them thoroughly. It's frustrating.
I have complained about calls at events, and I will probably continue to (not on the field though). So..... I reffed a tough IRI this past summer to see what refs go through. I'm hooked - I loved reffing - even though I did get yelled at by spectators. But, in reality, our calls were "right". The spectators did not seem to know the rules and that we clearly made the right call. I made the time to review the rules many times (since it had been several months since events) and to ask for clarifications on how things would be called so as to be consistent.
The point is - there are many improvements to be made on every side - ref training, game design committee reducing number of possible penalties, clarifying rules in their definitions, and everything else mentioned previously. But the fact remains, rules will always be there, and if you do not make the time or effort to get a solid understanding of them, there will always be unnecessary ranting and raving, arguing with refs, asking for replays, and so on. This is not always the case - but it is a large portion of the cases. The root cause is not always "the ref made a bad call".
I like 229's method (and many others') - that is how it should be. Ask for clarification or explanation from the head ref in a calm, professional manner, then accept it. How would you feel if someone got in your face telling you about what you did wrong? Right. So, don't expect a ref to respond very well to that.
If you think they made a truly incorrect call or are doing something blatantly against what a rule says, then ask if you can show them. They can say no, but if you're cool about it, they might listen to improve their reffing. There might be times where refs missed an update (should never happen, but has), so it might be helpful to point something out, in a calm manner. Just don't expect your match outcome to change.
Oh by the way, I say NO to replays. It would be cool for highlights, but shouldn't be used for deciding calls. That's not what FIRST is about.