Guidelines for Parents

[Lireal]

In the past, my team has had some issues with over-involved parents, and we are writing a set of guidelines that hopefully fix this. I was wondering what written policies you all have implemented to control "helicopter parents".

[Liam Fay]

When you say parents, do you mean parent mentors? Or just parents who are not signed up in any FIRST database? Those two would have different responses.

[frcguy]

Originally Posted by Liam Fay

When you say parents, do you mean parent mentors? Or just parents who are not signed up in any FIRST database? Those two would have different responses.

I would be interested in seeing responses for both.

[Liam Fay]

Originally Posted by frcguy

I would be interested in seeing responses for both.

I'm also interested in knowing what specific problems have arisen; are the parents too involved in the robot? Or are they trying to control the team?

[RoboChair]

Originally Posted by Liam Fay

I'm also interested in knowing what specific problems have arisen; are the parents too involved in the robot? Or are they trying to control the team?

I have previously seen interest in solutions to both issues, they are both problematic in their own ways. So I think all the variations should be discussed.

[Lireal]

Originally Posted by Liam Fay

When you say parents, do you mean parent mentors? Or just parents who are not signed up in any FIRST database? Those two would have different responses.

Both responses would be good. We are trying to create a comprehensive policy with our school, so more is better.

Originally Posted by Liam Fay

I'm also interested in knowing what specific problems have arisen; are the parents too involved in the robot? Or are they trying to control the team?

We had some problems with a parent who showed up only at competition and was demanding that we make various changes that would in actuality be detrimental to our robot. Another person is trying to take over the stuff on the business side, but would start to do things like send out sponsorship letters and order t-shirts without the school's approval. These situations have been resolved now. The team and the school administration weren't comfortable with this, and so we are creating these guidelines to prevent these situations in the future.

[Ed Law]

Originally Posted by Lireal

In the past, my team has had some issues with over-involved parents, and we are writing a set of guidelines that hopefully fix this. I was wondering what written policies you all have implemented to control "helicopter parents".

I have written about dealing with parents before. See http://www.chiefdelphi.com/forums/sh...50#post1256450

Parents are great resources for the team. They are not your enemy. They want the team to be successful too. You don't need guidelines to "control" them. You need a team handbook that clearly states how things are done on the team and communicate that to students and parents before they join. Have them sign a document that states that they read the team handbook and will abide by it. If there is a policy a parent doesn't like, a student can bring it up to team leadership and students on the team can vote if they want to change the policy or not. Parents are not team members and they cannot vote.

Every team is different and you will find the best way that works for you.

[trezelle2]

Firstly, NEMO has some great resources on Parent Involvement. Team 358 also has a Parent Handbook - many teams apparently create guidelines for parents as well, including expected participation, which could be interesting.

This can all depend on how your team is individually, of course. If there's one thing I've learned on CD, it's that no two teams work quite the same way

My team has some parents that we're also trying to work with; on the one hand, they're incredibly helpful and we don't want to discourage them from helping, but our main goal I believe is to emphasize how many activities have to go through the mentors/team/school first. I'm not sure how to word that better, since we're just working on our handbook now, but basically we want to make sure that when a parent sets up a fundraiser, or reaches out to potential sponsors, or plans something nice for the team, that it doesn't come back to bite us. For example, some family members have gotten sponsorships that our team still has trouble getting publicity for, because they didn't fill out the form that we have to get their name & logo correct on banners & such; we had a few families work together to make a lunch for one of our competitions, only to have them bring it into a venue where no outside food was allowed. We're working on emphasizing that what they do is helpful, but how they do it could be improved.

[Jon Stratis]

I think the key with this isn't necessarily to tell parents what they can and can't do, but to get in front of them and establish a relationship with them early on. This starts with a mandatory parents meeting early in the season.

You may not want a parent demanding changes to the robot at competition... So you talk to them about the process the team has for designing and building the robot. Talk about when ideas are brought forward, how decisions are made. And then invite them to get involved early if they are interested!

You don't want parents doing things on the team's behalf without the team's knowledge. So talk to them about how you organize the team. Talk to them about how the team goes about raising funds and reaching out to the community. Talk to them about the importance of coordinating your outreach efforts with the school. And then tell them how they can bring new ideas forward and get involved with these activities!

Some of the best and most dedicated mentors and volunteers I know started out as parents (like Big Al!). Don't tell them what they can't do. Just identify the correct ways bring those ideas and energy forward. Identify contacts for them, give them your e-mail and phone numbers.

We're always upfront with our parents at the beginning of the year. We identify our needs (people to help build field elements, lunches on Saturdays during the build season, etc), talk about how the team works and is run, who the contacts are for them if they have ideas or concerns. Over the years, we've gained 5 mentors from our parent group! And let me tell you... it's a LOT easier to sell parents on mentoring than it is to try to sell a room full of random engineers.

[GeeTwo]

Adult team members* who are family members of student team members or former team members are essential for our team, and probably most others. Other than our rookie year, at least 50% of our adult team members, and more than 50% of the highly active adult team members have been family of student members or former student members.

I agree that parent/family interaction (whether a coach/mentor or not) is something you have to have a policy on. To date, our policy has been simple, established by example by our founding head coach (whose son was on the team in 2012-2014). I have generalized it just a bit to account for a mentor who has a brother on the team:

Originally Posted by Jesse's Hithertofore Unwritten Rule

An adult family member of a student team member shall not advocate with respect to a team position for that student member. To the extent possible, an adult family member shall not directly mentor a student family member.

The rule is not perfect, but some form of it shall go in our team manual being drafted this summer. We've only had two issues in our five years that took anything more than a one-on-one conversation or two to resolve. In one case, the second sentence wasn't possible, and the student was (initially) treated too poorly. The other was because it was unwritten and poorly enforceable. Our written rule will at least attempt to patch these gaps.

*An adult team member is either a a coach or mentor; an adult family member may or may not be a coach or mentor.

[FrisbeeFunTime]

Originally Posted by Lireal

In the past, my team has had some issues with over-involved parents, and we are writing a set of guidelines that hopefully fix this. I was wondering what written policies you all have implemented to control "helicopter parents".

What are the issues that you have been having exactly. If you have a parent who happens to be a parent of a rookie member who is trying to change the team in ways that the student body doesn't like I would recommend talking to your head mentor and saying that the student body has a problem with this parent. See then if you can have your head mentor talk to the parent about the students concerns.

As for policies to put into place you may want to have something that says that any major actions that a parent that is not mentor want to do it has to go through the leadership first. Wether that is student, mentors, or both would be up to you guys to decide.

[JamesCH95]

Outwardly, it would be helpful to remind parents that they are representing your team at competition, that they hold your team's reputation in their hands when they don a team shirt (so to speak). We had a parent from another team start cussing out our drive team in the pits after they lost to our alliance in eliminations. Someone's grandmother was not proud at all that day. I am assuming that this person was not a registered mentor at least, because I've never seen a mentor act in such a way.

Inwardly, having a parent liaison was one of the best things we ever setup. We took a volunteer parent from a veteran student to act as a guide for parents of all of the newer students. They knew what all of the new parents' questions were, and advised them on what to expect and how they could help the team. We had no surprised parents and no conflicts this year. I would highly recommend this structure to other teams.

[GreyingJay]

Some good points were made already - I think the key is to establish the relationship as early as possible so you, and they, know what to expect.

The parent who makes T-shirts needs to understand the structure of the team in terms of who runs branding and marketing, how to follow the branding guidelines, who gets to make the designs (students?) and of course, how the team budget works! Otherwise they might expect to get "well, thanks for these shirts, but since they don't conform to our team branding, weren't designed/agreed upon by the students, and weren't budgeted for by the team, we can't pay you back and we can't guarantee that they'll be worn".

The parent who shows up at competition and demands changes, could be given a chat about how build season works - when is the time to be brainstorming or suggesting major changes, why such changes could be warranted (or not) in light of robot and game rules, team skill, budget, etc., and how such changes are decided and/or voted on.

We had a parent enthusiastically make suggestions to the drive team about what strategies they should employ - not realizing that (a) their ideas would violate key Stronghold game rules, and (b) that ideas about strategy, coming from anybody, need to go through the drive coach. Next year we will try to point parents to the rules earlier so that they can provide their feedback earlier on, when there's still time to act on suggestions.

Parents love their kids and want what's best for them. Sometimes they get wrapped up in the excitement. We've all seen it, many of us have been there ourselves. The key is to harness that energy We have some very supportive parents on our team - several brought the students' entire families to join us on competition day, and they brought all kinds of things to wear in our team colors. Another set of parents made a huge set of team numbers and signs to hold up in the stands. That was a real treat for the drive team to see!

One of our team awards is called the "Booster Award" and is the award given to the most enthusiastic and supportive parents.

[Monochron]

Firstly, the only effective way to deal with this is to have the mentor/adult most responsible for the team talking directly to the person. My advice is directed at that person on your team.

I'm definitely still learning the best ways to deal with this (and the above responses probably come from more experience than me!) but my best advice would be to be blunt with your intentions when talking with parents like that. It sounds like you are dealing with people who are good at steam rolling a discussion. Remember that you are the one in charge of, and responsible for, the team and tell that parent what you have decided. Something along the lines of "I appreciate what you suggested, but we are going to do this instead". Be open to discussion, but after the discussion has run its course, make a decision and move on. Being quietly firm can be very powerful.

Written policies are only going to go so far. Its good to have them, but if an argument does break out, directing them to article X section Y of a handbook isn't going to get anything done. Frankly our written policies don't say anything about who makes engineering or business decisions, but as mentors we have the authority to make sure it is done in a way that the team approves of. And to do that, we sometimes have to use the firm but quiet method.

There is a chance that you may make some people very angry. You should avoid that, but you have to be willing to let it happen if it is for the good of the team.

[frcguy]

Originally Posted by Monochron

Firstly, the only effective way to deal with this is to have the mentor/adult most responsible for the team talking directly to the person. My advice is directed at that person on your team.

I'm definitely still learning the best ways to deal with this (and the above responses probably come from more experience than me!) but my best advice would be to be blunt with your intentions when talking with parents like that. It sounds like you are dealing with people who are good at steam rolling a discussion. Remember that you are the one in charge of, and responsible for, the team and tell that parent what you have decided. Something along the lines of "I appreciate what you suggested, but we are going to do this instead". Be open to discussion, but after the discussion has run its course, make a decision and move on. Being quietly firm can be very powerful.

Written policies are only going to go so far. Its good to have them, but if an argument does break out, directing them to article X section Y of a handbook isn't going to get anything done. Frankly our written policies don't say anything about who makes engineering or business decisions, but as mentors we have the authority to make sure it is done in a way that the team approves of. And to do that, we sometimes have to use the firm but quiet method.

There is a chance that you may make some people very angry. You should avoid that, but you have to be willing to let it happen if it is for the good of the team.

So much +1