How To Procrastinate

[Harrison]

How to write a paper in university (or in HS):

1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well-lit place in front of your computer

2. Log onto MSN and ICQ (be sure to go on away!)

3. Check your email

4. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it

5. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some chocolate to help you concentrate

6. Check your email

7. Call up a friend and ask if he/she wants to go to the caf and grab a hot chocolate…just to get settled down and ready to work

8. When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well-lit place

9. If your room is not clean, take out the garbage and vacuum first

10. Read over the assignment again to make certain you understand it

11. Check your email

12. You know, you have not written to that kid you met at camp since fourth grade. You had better write that letter now and get it out of the way so you can concentrate

13. Look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror

14. Grab some MP3’s off Kazaa

15. Check your email



ANY OF THIS SOUND FAMILIAR YET?!



16. MSN chat with one of your friends about the future (i.e. summer plans)

17. Check your email

18. Listen to your new MP3’s and download some more

19. Phone your friend on the other floor and ask if she has started writing yet. Exchange derogatory remarks about your prof, the college, the world at large

20. Walk to the store and buy a pack of gum. You have probably run out

21. While you got the gum, you may as well buy a magazine and read it

22. Check your email

23. Check the newspaper listings to make sure you are not missing something truly worthwhile on TV

24. Play some solitaire

25. Check out www.chiefdelphi.com

26. Wash your hands

27. Call up a friend to see how much they have done…probably has not started either

28. Look through your housemate's book of pictures from home. Ask who everyone is

29. Sit down and do some serious thinking about your plans for the future

30. Check to see if www.chiefdelphi.com has been updated yet

31. Check your email and listen to your new MP3’s

32. You should be rebooting by now, assuming that windows is crashing on schedule

33. Read over the assignment one more time, just for the heck of it

34. Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch the sunrise

35. Lie face down on the floor and moan

36. Punch the wall and break something

37. Check your email

38. Mumble obscenities

39. 5am - start hacking on the paper without stopping. 6am -paper is finished

40. Complain to everyone that you did not get any sleep because you had to write that stupid paper

41. Go to class, hand in paper, and leave right away so you can take a nap.