Funny things teachers/professors have said

[Alexa Stott]

My teacher always uses his hand to erase the board instead of the actual eraser so he always says he's giving himself cancer...

Student: You forgot the "r" in "hydrophobic."
Teacher [erases board, rewrites it, and still spells it wrong]: GAH! I can't spell. I am senile...must be the cancer.

This is from last year in orchestra (well, really from the concert...)
Student: I don't have a tie.
Teacher: Why not? I told everyone to wear a tie!
Student: I know, but someone stole it and flushed it down the toilet.

[ZeetherKID77]

"We need some basketballs"

and then some kid says "I have two"

[Psychoflood]

Lead Mentor: "Remember, if the dog didn't stop to pee he wouldn't have been hit by the tree."

we're still not quite sure what this means.

[Robo_Cat_379]

Teacher: it is exactly the same but completily diffrent

[Matt Krass]

Originally Posted by DCA Fan

Heh I have a whole website with quotes from teachers and students:
http://gchen.netfirms.com/ssq

Some of them have lost their humor, but I'm too lazy to go delete them.

2460. "He could work for Nasa, and be a rapper.. I don't know, some kind of gangsta scientist."

Dave??

[sanddrag]

Today in calculus class:

Student asks the professor to show how a certain problem is done. So, the professor turns his back to the class and begins working on the problem on the board and he gets about half way through and suddenly stops for a moment. And then he says "I can't do this" and a student says "I want my money back"

Also in calculus class today:

Professor: "Hrrm, [name] isn't here today"
[name]'s friend: "She's taking a nap"
Professor: "Did you ask if you could nap with her?"
Student: "She didn't offer."
Professor: "Why didn't you ask?"

And finally in calculus class today:

Professor: "I went to jail once"
Student: "Really, what for?"
Professor: "Well, I was visiting a place of ill repute when the police came and raided it."
Draw your own conclusions...

Anyway, this is one very messed up class.

[team222badbrad]

My math professor was speaking about solving equations:

Professor: "We can all handle ugly, we all went to prom"
(he was talking about solving problems with many steps)

Student: "I didn't"

Professor: "Thats why"

[Redneck]

"Now, the difference in mass between the iron and the wood.... wait.... where'd my balls go?!?" - Mr. Van, when he lost the iron and wooden balls he was using in a Physics lab.

A sample problem from one of Mr. Van's homework sheets:
"Person A decides to drop their worthless lab partner, Person B, off a 30-meter high bridge. How long until B hits the ground if Vo = 0?"

[mechanicalbrain]

Here's a good conversation I had today between my CCNA instructor and I.

me "Does anyone still use token rings?"
teacher "Sure they do!"
me "like where?"
teacher "....in the south..... deep south."

[Beth Sweet]

And I have to make this addition just because it was said in class today and no one seemed to find it humerous but me (btw, this guy is the coolest professor ever!)

"Darwin's theory applied only to plants and animals, not to humans"

Apparently, humans are not animals. I just loved that no one else in the class except myself found the need to smirk at this...

[Dan Petrovic]

Yesterday during my french exam, my teacher stood up and said "Is anyone cheating? Raise your hand if you are cheating. No one's cheating? Good." and sat back down.

I guess it's under their list of things to do during exams. "Make sure students aren't cheating"

Also, a while ago, in a geometry class. One girl and one guy got in a little play arguement and they both stood up as if they were about to fight. The teacher said to the guy "Sit down before you start crying"

[d4nowar]

AP US History teacher last year: It is my job to impregnate women.

Yay for taking quotes out of context. =D

[Mister_Juggles]

My Latin teacher was trying to come up with a sentence for us to translate into latin, using different grammatical thingys that we had learned recently. He wrote this on the board: "Dahlia est faster that this faster." After fixing the sentence, which took a while, he said "Okay kids, remember why we don't do crack."

[raymaniac]

My bio teacher: "Yesterday I couldn't spell 'amino acids'. Today I are an expert in 'amino acids'." (Replace 'amino acids' with whatever we're studying, he does it for every topic)(it was kind of funny when we studied DNA)

Also my bio teacher: "There's a reson for everything I do. Sometimes it just takes a while to figure out what it is"

[sheltie234]

Student: "Uh, Mr. B... I'm completely lost"

Teacher: "Really? You’re in room 53 of Perry Meridian Middle School on Meridian School Road in Indianapolis, IN of the United States on the planet Earth in the Milky Way Galaxy on the border of the Alpha and Beta quadrants."

Student: "Yeah... but back to Algebra..."


Pre-Calc teacher: "Does anyone know what P(x,y) is? It's between 3 and 4." dealing with the unit circle

Student: "Is it... uh... pi?"

Teacher: "Yes, do you know why?"

Student: "Is it because..."

Teacher: "Correct!"


U.S. History teacher: "Does anyone know when we know the war with Iraq is over?"

Student: "When all of the troops are out?"

Teacher: "No, silly! It's when you'll be able to buy a car made in Iraq!"


Orchestra teacher: "Get the f in tune!!"

There are tons more, but these are all that I can remember for today