Programming jokes

[Spencer E.]

Since we're all getting frustated/stressed/excited with our programming, I thought it'd be fun to post some programming jokes to lighten the mood. I'll start off. This one comes from a friend of mine:

if(time == hammer)
stop();

(If anyone doesn't get it, don't be afraid to ask )

[geeknerd99]

Wielding only a mouse and keyboard, living off Ramen and Mountain Dew, our brave hero and his team begins the daunting 6-week siege against the mighty C monster.

It got to the point where I walked in on one guy on my team constantly compiling the same thing over and over again. When I asked him why, he told me, "I love seeing the words "BUILD SUCCEEDED". I'm banking up the number of sucessful builds I have to make up for all the syntax errors I'll get later."

[crafty]

How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They'll just say it's a hardware problem.

[thegathering]

True story: There's a kid in the programming class below us that really looked up to us in terms of style and skill. One day, I decided to search the network drive from another classroom and take a look at this kid's code to see how he was doing.

I start looking through the source and I see variable names: Ben, Pat, Robert, Tsui....

I almost screamed in horror when I realized he was programming using our names as variables!!!!

Talk about creepy. To say the least, we yelled at him for awhile and he no longer makes variable names named after us....

[Bomberofdoom]

Murphy's Law.

No matter how many times you scream "I've got it now! Last time, it has to work now!!!!" after trying to fix a code you've written for 3 hours after 2 AM in the morning, you'll always get a syntax error and an insanly angry mentor waiting for you to finish.

Oh, and the best part is, that after you fustrastedly(spelled right?) work on the code the whole night till dawn, you're friend comes at 9 AM, takes the keyboard for 2 minutes, mabye does one more fix to what he wrote and the code works.

obviously a true story case. 3 times in a row. Ouch.

[Spencer E.]

Originally Posted by Bomberofdoom

Murphy's Law.

No matter how many times you scream "I've got it now! Last time, it has to work now!!!!" after trying to fix a code you've written for 3 hours after 2 AM in the morning, you'll always get a syntax error and an insanly angry mentor waiting for you to finish.

That sounds very familiar. I hate those late programming nights only to find out it was only a hardware error

[basicxman]

Originally Posted by Spencer E.

That sounds very familiar. I hate those late programming nights only to find out it was only a hardware error

i got a speech synthesizer and started to program it, it tried for months and then fianally realized i had to set the sda pin to high...it didnt show that in the schematic!

[artdutra04]

We should make a LOLCODE to hex compiler. I so want to write programs like this:

HAI
CAN HAS API.H?
PLZ OPEN FILE MAIN.C
   AWSUM THX
      I HAS A VAR PWM_1 = 127
      IM IN YR LOOP
         UP VAR!!1
         IZ VAR BIGGER THAN 254? KTHX
            VISIBLE "ROBOT CAT CANNOT GO PAST 254"
      IM OUTTA UR LOOP
   O NOES
      VISIBLE "COMPILER CAT IS NOT AMUSED"
KTHXBYE

[Redneck]

Originally Posted by artdutra04

We should make a LOLCODE to hex compiler. I so want to write programs like this:

HAI
CAN HAS API.H?
PLZ OPEN FILE MAIN.C
   AWSUM THX
      I HAS A VAR PWM_1 = 127
      IM IN YR LOOP
         UP VAR!!1
         IZ VAR BIGGER THAN 254? KTHX
            VISIBLE "ROBOT CAT CANNOT GO PAST 254"
      IM OUTTA UR LOOP
   O NOES
      VISIBLE "COMPILER CAT IS NOT AMUSED"
KTHXBYE

I am in favor of this, and will do anything in my power to assist in the creation of a LOLCODE compiler for FIRST.

My favorite programming joke: (Shamelessly stolen from a sig here on CD, sorry I don't remember your name!)
If it's falling apart, it's a mechanical problem.
If it's spewing magic smoke, it's an electrical problem.
If it's rampaging around destroying things, THEN it's a programming problem.

[hipsterjr]

How to shoot yourself in the foot
C
You shoot yourself in the foot.
C++
You accidently create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying "That's me, over there."
COBOL
USEing a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be retied.
BASIC (compiled)
You shoot yourself in the foot with a BB using a SCUD missile launcher.
Visual Basic
You'll really only appear to have shot yourself in the foot, but you'll have so much fun doing it that you won't care.
Java
You locate the Gun class, but discover that the Bullet class is abstract, so you extend it and write the missing part of the implementation. Then you implement the ShootAble interface for your foot, and recompile the Foot class. The interface lets the bullet call the doDamage method on the Foot, so the Foot can damage itself in the most effective way. Now you run the program, and call the doShoot method on the instance of the Gun class. First the Gun creates an instance of Bullet, which calls the doFire method on the Gun. The Gun calls the hit(Bullet) method on the Foot, and the instance of Bullet is passed to the Foot. But this causes an IllegalHitByBullet exception to be thrown, and you die.
Apple System 7
Double click the gun icon and a window giving a selection for guns, target areas, plus balloon help with medical remedies, and assorted sound effects. Click "shoot" button and a small bomb appears with note "Error of Type 1 has occurred."
Windows 3.1
Double click the gun icon and wait. Eventually a window opens giving a selection for guns, target areas, plus balloon help with medical remedies, and assorted sound effects. Click "shoot" button and a small box appears with note "Unable to open Shoot.dll, check that path is correct."
Windows 95
Your gun is not compatible with this OS and you must buy an upgrade and install it before you can continue. Then you will be informed that you don't have enough memory.
CP/M
I remember when shooting yourself in the foot with a BB gun was a big deal.
DOS
You finally found the gun, but can't locate the file with the foot for the life of you.
MSDOS
You shoot yourself in the foot, but can unshoot yourself with add-on software.

[ctorloey]

task main()
{
if (robot == working)
{Programmers = happy
}
else
Programmers = sad, depressed, unhappy
}
save save compile

I got one that my programming mentor told me:

Question: How are Halloween and Christmas alike?

Answer: They happen on the same day.

Does any one get this?
It is with the decimal number system and the octal number system. when you convert 31 (which is the date of Halloween) from octal to decimal it is 25 (which is the date of Christmas).

[EricS-Team180]

Originally Posted by Bomberofdoom

Oh, and the best part is, that after you fustrastedly(spelled right?) work on the code the whole night till dawn, you're friend comes at 9 AM, takes the keyboard for 2 minutes, mabye does one more fix to what he wrote and the code works.

obviously a true story case. 3 times in a row. Ouch.

which reminded me of:

C's motto: who cares what it means? I just compile it!
- The Top 10 Ways to get screwed by the "C" programming language (#9)

[Salik Syed]

Originally Posted by Bomberofdoom

Murphy's Law.

No matter how many times you scream "I've got it now! Last time, it has to work now!!!!" after trying to fix a code you've written for 3 hours after 2 AM in the morning, you'll always get a syntax error and an insanly angry mentor waiting for you to finish.

Actually looking back, I liked the days when the worse problems I had were syntax.

[Spencer E.]

Originally Posted by thegathering

True story: There's a kid in the programming class below us that really looked up to us in terms of style and skill. One day, I decided to search the network drive from another classroom and take a look at this kid's code to see how he was doing.

I start looking through the source and I see variable names: Ben, Pat, Robert, Tsui....

I almost screamed in horror when I realized he was programming using our names as variables!!!!

Talk about creepy. To say the least, we yelled at him for awhile and he no longer makes variable names named after us....

Wow, that is kind of creepy o_O. I'm glad no one looks up to me , well most people have to look up to me physically since I've over 6 feet tall, but enough with the technicalities.

[chris31]

Originally Posted by thegathering

True story: There's a kid in the programming class below us that really looked up to us in terms of style and skill. One day, I decided to search the network drive from another classroom and take a look at this kid's code to see how he was doing.

I start looking through the source and I see variable names: Ben, Pat, Robert, Tsui....

I almost screamed in horror when I realized he was programming using our names as variables!!!!

Talk about creepy. To say the least, we yelled at him for awhile and he no longer makes variable names named after us....

I had a friend who named a counter that went from 1-10, "midget". Needless to say the teacher got mad because it isnt a meaningful name and she thought it was inappropriate.