CD's Unofficial Caption Contest #174

[Al Skierkiewicz]

OK,
This picture shows where we as mentors are obviously falling down on the job. This student has inefficiently chosen room organization by mixing useful and not so useful items in the same general area. Please note the laundry soap and liquid refreshment on the same shelf which if the wrong choice is made in the dark could have disasterous results. Note also that the dirty laundry and keyboard occupies the laundry basket. The joysticks at the top of the heap only indicate the most recently used item in the room. And although the requisite power tools are available, the one thing to insure academic success is missing...text books!

[KathieK]

Can you imagine what this will look like at the end of the Build Cycle???

[Conor Ryan]

Hungry Soul: Hey...where did all the Ramen go?

[skimoose]

This is a test of your highly tuned CSI skills. What can we determine from this crime scene?

1. College Student: Bed seldom used. When sleep is inevitable, probably sleeps on the floor. More likely under bed, note nesting materials.
   
   
2. Male: Note blue blankey.
   
   
3. Nocturnal: Note window.
   
   
4. Music Lover: Keyboard lovingly tucked into laundry basket.
   
   
5. Health Conscious: Judging by the copious quantities of carbs and carbonated beverages.
   
   
6. Three Armed: Note joysticks.
   
   
7. Afraid of Authority Figure/RA: Note lack of posters or decorations on walls to violate dorm policy.
   
   
8. Confirmed Cave Dweller: Refer to item 1. Note cat5 cable heading towards lair.
   
   
9. Card Carrying Member of the Tim Allen Fan Club: Note hording of power tools.
   
   
10. Eco-friendly/Fragrant: Note laundry detergent... unopened.

This was only a test.

Had this been a real crime scene, instructions would have accompanied this message on what to do if you encountered the occupant of this area.

This was only a test.

[Alan8or]

"And now you know why the Death Star had a trash compactor."

[skimoose]

(not an entry... mines already in, but)

Not to snub the fans of NUMB3RS, please calculate the following based on the evidence seen:

1. Time elapsed since start of semester:
   
   
2. Minimum time before visit by opposite gender:
   
   
3. Minimum time before visit by parental units:

Answers will be posted shortly.

[Taylor]

[not an entry]

Originally Posted by skimoose

(not an entry... mines already in, but)

Not to snub the fans of NUMB3RS, please calculate the following based on the evidence seen:

1. Time elapsed since start of semester:
   
   15 seconds. Yes, college students are that sloppy.
   
   
2. Minimum time before visit by opposite gender:
   
   There's an opposite gender?!?!
   
   
3. Minimum time before visit by parental units:
   
   May
   

Answers will be posted shortly.

[/not an entry]

[Tottanka]

After the whole off-season, poor "FIRST collage mentors" get really bored.
Some of those unique life-forms, get so attached to their hobbies of building robots that they prefer having a Robot Controller and a few joysticks on having a roomie or/and a girlfriend/boyfriend.

On the next episode of "the 21st century and it's new evolutioned life-forms" here, on National Geographic Channel, we will keep investigating why this particular life form has a very large amount of fur on it's head, and also start investigating a new life form, the so called, "FIRST NEMO". We dont yet know much of that animal, though we have already bought a lot of scuba diving kits, and we are prepared to find those NEMOS.

Lavery out.

[Joe G.]

The truth behind the "Billfred Is Working Way Too Much Rule;" it is in reality the "Billfred appears to have put his computer through the wash rule"

[EddieMcD]

"It's so messy, you could hide a girl in here."
"Not like we'd ever get a chance to test that hypothesis..."

[skimoose]

Originally Posted by skimoose

(not an entry... mines already in, but)

Not to snub the fans of NUMB3RS, please calculate the following based on the evidence seen:

1. Time elapsed since start of semester:
   
   
2. Minimum time before visit by opposite gender:
   
   
3. Minimum time before visit by parental units:

Answers will be posted shortly.

Pencils down. The answers are:

1. Time elapsed since start of semester:
   While it has been postulated that this mess can and has generated itself almost instantaneously, one must remember the First Law of Conservation of Clutter. Cleanliness and messiness must be in a constant state of equilibrium. Therefore, the student's dormitory can only degrade as rapidly as some other area is cleaned.
   
   Since the detritus has not even reached the top of the bed and we know the volume of a standard dormitory. We can calculate the length of time at;
   
   A: Just under four weeks time.
   
   This likely means that the maternal parental unit has only mustered enough courage to clean areas outside the collegiate's bedroom at home. The dormitory will rapidly deteriorate as the maternal parental unit finds the strength to clean the collegiate's bedroom in anticipation of the student's return for a semester break, holiday break, or laundry replenishment. The Law of Conservation of Clutter also helps explain why the laundry detergent shall remain unopened and that any time the collegiate returns home to visit an overstuffed bag of dirty laundry shall be in tow.
   
   
   
2. Minimum time before visit by opposite gender:
   This question can be answered two ways. As a statistical probability and, based on the evidence, a discrete value assuming that event will occur, no matter how unlikely. As a statistical probability it has been correctly shown that the event is very difficult to quantify. Werner Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle is correctly applied since the position of opposite genders can be readily determined, but their momentum towards a rendezvous is very uncertain indeed.
   
   Therefore we can only solve for the discrete value, no matter how unlikely the event seems to be. Again, based on the volume of the space in question and the level of detritus in this volume, we can calculate the minimum time needed by the collegiate to make a feable attempt at disguising the mess in the dormitory, before arrival of the opposite gender, at;
   
   A: Fifteen minutes.
   
   This usually involves shoving everything not bolted down, under the bed and covering liberally with an oversized comforter. Remember, we have not broken the first Law of Conservation of Clutter because this is NOT truly cleaning, the student is mearly disguising the mess as cleanliness. Had this been actual cleaning, then the first law must be obeyed and the mess would redistribute itself elsewhere. Probably, the parental units would have discovered that the collegiate's mess had, in fact, spread to the basement or garage, and that their attempts to clean were merely starting....
   
   
3. Minimum time before visit by parental units:
   This question can also be answered two ways. As a statistical probability and, based on the evidence, a discrete value assuming that event will occur. As a statistical probability this problem is again very difficult to quantify due to the lack of multiple variables. Werner Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle can again be applied since the position of parental units and collegiate can be readily determined, but their momentum towards a meeting is complicated by several variables. These include travel distance, time zones, crossing of interstate boundries, availability of monetary funds to the collegiate, and other readily determined variables.
   
   However, more difficult to quantify is, the birth position of the collegiate. Generally, the closer the student is to being first born, there is an exponential rise in the number of visits. Whereas a berth position of last will likely result in greatly deminished number of visits. The Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle also comes into play with "only children" as the berth position relative to first or last is indeterminable.
   
   Furthermore, there are two dipolar principles at work on the parental units. The Empty Nest Syndrome is well documented, but the lesser known theory postulated by the reknown Polk High alumnus Al Bundy that states "if you keep visiting Peg, you'll only encourage them to come home". Thus the Bundy Theory and the Empty Nest Syndrome also add to the uncertaintity of this statistical probability. So we shall only concentrate on calculating the discrete value.
   
   Solving for the discrete value, no matter how unlikely the event seems to be. Again, based on the volume of the space in question and the level of detritus in this volume, we can calculate the minimum time needed by the collegiate to make a feable attempt at disguising the mess in the dormitory, before arrival of the parental units, at;
   
   A: One hour.
   
   Some may find this answer confusing, because one would expect that it would take the collegiate longer to prepare for that extremely unlikely visit by the opposite gender, than for this visit. We must remember that the opposite gender is also being acted on by the same forces as the collegiate so there is a lower threshold of acceptance than with parental units.
   
   As viewed in the photograph, there is no attempt by the student to display any level of education or studying, other than the obvious coveting of music and robots. If the parental visit is forthcoming, it is usually known in advance by the collegiate, because it will be preceded by a phone call, text message, PM, or email to make sure that the visit will not disturb the student's valuable study time.
   
   This is the catalyst for the collegiate to work even harder to disguise the detritus as well as, the apparent lack of academic activity. It usually involves either a rapid trip to the student center or, running rapidly through the dormitory seeking to borrow a penant or other object which will show that the student is bonding well with his academic surroundings. Then, an overly generous application of text books, notebooks, laptop computer (which has had it's internet history scrubbed), and other devices to perpetuate the ruse of deep academic concentration.
   
   A lack of room mates is also desired by the collegiate, to again display the promising environment of the dormitory for applying vigorous academic studies. This takes additional time, as there is now an attempted disguise by two or more students, usually with one sacrificial student whose mess is used to calm the parental units' fears that it's not their offspring who's the slob. The collegiates cooperate relatively well, because the students all know that this is a neccesary ruse to show the parental units they are indeed receiving something for the vast sums of money that are being applied to this collegiate adventure...

Ah, it's amazing what a little math can accomplish!