The Butterfly Effect

[davidthefat]

"It has been said that something as small as the flutter of a butterfly's wing can ultimately cause a typhoon halfway around the world." - Chaos Theory

Today was a pretty bad day for me overall, just because of one action. You all know what I did and why people would have acted that way towards me. After rereading my post a day after I wrote it, I did notice it sounded awfully rude, but that's a problem on my part. I deserved that whole bitterness towards me, but I am not changing my stance, but that is a whole another subject. What made my day go bad was the 5 minute discussion I had with my mentor, apparently someone emailed my mentor/teacher what I have posted on this site. Now that really got to me, first of all, I am pretty sure that the person that wrote the email was pretty pissed by my behaviour, and second of all, my mentor was so disappointed that he was almost speechless. That was the heartbreaking part, if anyone knows my mentor, he is one great person, even me messing around and being clumsy did not even come close to this. I really feel that I have severed my trust with my mentor, and this community, that also affected the rest of my day, probably my mentor's too and the guy that wrote the email and the wonderful ladies that I insulted yesterday. I really think I just lost all my mentor's respect for me, today was a really dark day for me. Im here typing after a 12 hour day, I don't even feel sorry right now, I just feel the guilt. Honestly after that talk with my mentor, my motivation for robotics gone pretty much down the drain, I don't even know what to think anymore. My mentor said to not post anything anymore since I will just dig a bigger hole, but I feel this is needed. I will not be posting anymore for quite a while, but feel free to PM me, I don't care if it is rude, scolding, hate or anything, I will read it and respond accordingly.


P.S. Please keep this personal, don't go emailing my mentor again, I really don't think I can build up that relationship again, no matter how fabulous job I do in programming or anything. Small things really add up, if my teacher had a bad day, his students might also had a slightly bad day, and that carries on to their families and same goes for everyone else I insulted or offended. It hit me extra hard, because before 2nd period, I got an "A" on a test in the class that I never gotten an "A" before and I PR'ed on my bench today before school.

Also please do not judge my team by my behaviour, I am an individual, one individual's actions do not reflect the group as a whole, only the individual.