A vampire running for office

Finally, a political party I could feel at home with… except that it’s in Britain (I think there is an American offshoot, but it’s not well established and not even closely the same). So the Monster Raving Loony Party has a vampire (well, half vampire) running for office in Banbury in hopes to removing the Banbury cross to allow more vampires to come to town. Vote for Johnny

If I lived in Banbury, I would vote for Johnny. The main point of him running as a vampire is to point out to the people that if they don’t get out and get involved and actually vote, they could end up with anything in office.

This vampire is Johnny Wood, and when he’s not running for public office, he’s designing computer games and/or drinking heavily in local pubs and visiting The Phlogistician’s Corner:Redux, a message board that has been around since the early 1990s. I know him as Otto, and I have adored him since I joined the Phlog in 1998. The Phlog is an unmoderated site, anything goes, and Otto is rude, crude and often downright obscene, but he has always been very nice to me (our childhoods have a lot of similarities and I think that has always had an impact on him). Otto is smart, almost scarily so, and talented, he should go far, but he also has an equal amount of self-destruction so I’m unsure of where he will end up. Otto was once a zombie extra in a European horror movie. His arm was supposed to be ripped off, with fake blood squirting out. Someone clamped the tubing wrong and instead of squirting out of his shoulder area, it ended up ripping out the seat of his pants. Other Otto stories, I cannot repeat here.

So why am I telling you about Otto? I don’t really know, I’ve just been rambling. I guess with the new school year beginning to start, I’ve been thinking of the kids on the team who remind me of Otto. Life would be pretty boring without the Ottos of the world, but I’m not sure that being an Otto is a good thing, mainly because that self-destruction going on. Ottos succeed wonderfully and fail miserably. There is almost no middle ground.

Do you know any Ottos? Are you an Otto?

“Vote for insanity- you know it makes sense” Monster Raving Loony Party motto.

I drive an Otto. It’s a Mustang Otto. It’s a - oh, wait. Never mind…


dude. that. pwns.