Archimedes Abduction
By Patrick Fairbank
It all started on Thursday, April 21, 2005, when 340 teams awoke in Atlanta to a morning of Perpetual Chaos (931). The sky resounded with ThunderBots (980) and Lightning Lancers (1444), and it was raining RoboKatz (1653) and Robodogs (435) (since, of course, it was the day of a R.O.B.O.T.I.C.S (107) competition). Students, mentors and spectators R.U.S.H (27)-ed to the venue, wearing their Devil Duckies (1266) so as to not get their feet wet and arrive looking like Children of the Swamp (179).
The Adidarons (476), known for being both Pioneers (40) and Pi-Oneers (1676) in the use of Atomsmashers (1180) on their robot, were the first to reach the Archimedes pits.
“ThunderChickens (217)!” exclaimed Gus (228) McKinley (368), as he reached his team's empty pit. “Where's Waldo? (1547)!!”.
“Uhh... our robot is called the Adambot (245), remember?” shot back his teammate Max (1071).
“Look!” called the RoboVikes (701), the next team to arrive, pointing to the Adidarons’ crate, which had been Cast Aways (803) down the aisle, with its Rat Pack (830) -ing material scattered about in a state of Entropy (138).
“The robot’s been abducted! What kind of B.E.A.S.T. (71) would have done this?” cried a mentor. The members of the team shook their heads in confusion, trembled with R.A.G.E. (173), and alternated between being Rhodes Maniacs (274), Mechatronic Maniacs (1027) and Tech-no-Maniacs (1286), in a state that can only be described as being Technonuts (155).
Gus tried to remain calm. “Perhaps the Adambot has been abducted by little green Martians (494). Or possibly criminals of a different colour, such as Blue Robodevils (896) or Blue Falcons (1597), took it.”
“It could be a Cat Attack (451) from the X-Cats (191) Consortium. They do have a force of Bobcats (128), Leopards (57), Bionic Tigers (1592) as well as the latest in Cutting Edge (845) technology, Lehman Lionics (1230), on their side,” Max chimed in.
“Of course, no-one but the Midnight Mechanics (812) would have had access to the pits last CRyptonite (624), unless they were Robowizards (1508) or skilled at long-distance Eagle Engineering (1138)”. Gus stood pondering quietly while his teammates shouted wildly amongst themselves about calling in the Epsilon Delta (116) Force and the Juggernauts (1) to take action against whatever Monsters (308) had taken the 'bot. This created a huge Sachem Aftershock (263) in the now-full pits. “Think Pink (233)… Think Pink…” Gus thought to himself as he noticed the lingering smell of smoke – the smell of Burning Magnetos (342), to be more specific.
Suddenly, in a Betaflash (1014) of Fuzzy Logic (997), he triumphantly exclaimed “Waialua (359)!!!”.
“What is it?” everyone shouted back. “When? Where? Why? Who'sCTEKS (716)? How?”
“Elementary, my dear WATSON (957) – the answer is not at all Revolution (1251)-ary! Where there’s smoke, there’s F.I.R.E. (322), and therefore dragons must be implicated in this plot: both the Platinum Dragons (1345), who inhabit Rocky Mountain (662), and the more ordinary variety of Dragons (527) from the Mojave (1641),” explained Gus to his captive audience. “Don’t let your Hokie Guard (401) down – they may have left Robotniks (1211), which whom they have a Simbotic (1114) relationship,” he added.
“Dragons? Your theory Bears (766) reason,” a FIRST volunteer agreed. “Better send in the knights.”
A large robot rescue force was assembled consisting of all varieties of knights, including NASA Knights (122), Northern Knights (296), TechnoKnights (515), Robo Knights (612), Cavaliers (1370), Mech Warriors (573), and just in case the enemy was in possession of Delphi E.L.I.T.E. (48) Skillz Tech (335) armour, Cyber Warriors (371). The NEW Apple Corps (93) was summoned from River City (1094) along with their Robodogs and RoboDawgs (288), known collectively as the Huskie Brigade (65), to track the Adambot by its smell of magic smoke and WD-40.
To make a really long story really short, an epic adventure ensued with such elements as a fleet of Mastery Charter (1394)-ed Jag-tron’x (588) vehicles, an enormous battering Ram Robotics (1497), and an elaborate sting operation in which the 'bot-napper dragons were duly RoboStang (548). The Adambot was successfully rescued, and was returned just in time to be inspected before pits closed Thursday evening.
(… In reality, of course, we all know that the 'bot somehow became self-aware, broke out of its crate and burnt out its own high- Voltage (386) magnetos with an almighty KRUNCH (79) while trying to autonomously score a few Triple Plays, before Rocketeer (20) -ing off downtown in despair, driving in the wrong Timberlane (350), to a bar where it hung itself. But where’s the Phi Pi Pho Phun (1517) in that story? ;))
So that’s the story of all 85 Archimedes teams. Anyone from Galileo and Curie up to the challenge of writing one? 
Special thanks to Andy Baker for the inspiration to write this, and to the FIRSTwiki for most of the team names.