What is the best (clean) joke you’ve ever heard?
I’ll start it off with a nice nerdy one:
There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary and those who don’t.
Lauren
A man walks into a bar…OUCH!
Haha. That binary joke is sooo old…(you know it’s old when thinkgeek makes a shirt about it :P)
It’s not the best…but the only I could think of:
Three men met at a party, and it wasn’t long until the conversation
got around to their line of work and what kind of cars they drove.
“I own a sign company,” the first man said. “So naturally, I have a purple Neon.”
The other two men nodded.
“I’m a veterinarian,” said the second fellow. “I have a white `Vet.”
The third guy was quiet for a minute.
“Well,” he finally said, “I’m a proctologist. I have a brown Probe.”
Sorry
its not really a joke but its humor…
TOP TEN REASONS COMPUTERS
MUST BE FEMALE
-
They just sit there blinking dumbly at you.
-
No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
-
Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed
to memory for future reference.
- They frustrate the hell out of you when you give a command and
they don’t, won’t, or can’t follow it.
- Sometimes, try as you might, you can’t turn them on
particularly if you already have a floppy in.
6 If you floppy disk has a virus, you can be $@#$@#$@#$@# sure your
computer will get it.
-
They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.
-
A better model is just around the corner.
9.The best part of having one is the games you can play.
- In order to get their attention you have to turn them on.
A duck waddles into a bar and hops on a stool. The bartender, irritated, says, “What’ll you have?”
The duck says, “Got any pickles?”
The bartender spits and says “We don’t have pickles here, We serve drinks. Now get out!”
The duck hops off the stool and waddles out.
The next day, the same duck waddles into the same bar, hops on a stool, looks the bartender in the eye and asks, “Got any pickles?”
The bartender, irritated, says, “I told you yesterday we don’t serve pickles here, we serve drinks, now GET OUT!”
The duck hops off the stool and waddles out.
The next days the same duck waddles into the same bar and hops on a stool, looks at the bartender, and asks: “Got any pickles?”
The bartender, infuriated, POUNDS his fist on the bar and yells at the duck. “I told you two times we don’t serve pickles here, we serve drinks! If you ask me ONE MORE TIME, I’m going to nail your beak to the bar! NOW GET OUT!”
With that the duck shrugged, hopped off the stool, and waddled out.
The next day, the same duck waddled into the same bar, hopped on a stool, looked the bartender in the eye and asked: “Got any nails?”
The bartender, puzzled, said “No.”
The duck then looked him square in the eye and said, “Got any pickles?”
there’s only 1 kind of people, those who understand computer counting, and those that don’t. it’s a variation that’s much much less used.
asking what pi is:
geometrician (or geometer or whatever the guy’s name would be): the relationship between a circle’s circumference and its diameter.
mathematician: 3.14159265…
engineer: about 3 
No one ever likes this, but I’ll give it a shot…
Here is a dog telling a joke.
Knock Knock
(who’s there)
Woof
(Woof who?)
WOOF!
(Leaves sad and alone)
ok. So there was this man. He had this dog.
One day this man was walking that dog, and they crossed the street.
and now back to the “Best Joke Ever” thread
*Originally posted by MissInformation *
the duck shrugged
i’d like to see that!
=-]
some of you higher-level math students will like this one…
what do you get when you cross a mountain climber with an elephant?
nothing… a mountain climber is a scaler! hehe
*Originally posted by George1083 *
**i’d like to see that!=-]
some of you higher-level math students will like this one…
what do you get when you cross a mountain climber with an elephant?
nothing… a mountain climber is a scaler! hehe **
A variant of that:
What’s the difference between a mosquito and a mountain climber?
One’s a vector and one’s a scalar!
It’s the year 2350. Humanity has spread to a few star systems, and is dedicatedly colonizing them. However, there is one discovered planet still lacking much human settlement. On this planet resides a single sentient life form. It is several hundred feet tall, and rather humanoid in form. Brain waves indicate great intelligence, and consciousness, but the creature does not move.
One day, a college student, investigating this creature for his college thesis, gets frustrated and yells out, “how can something evolve with arms and legs if it doesn’t use them?”
It turns out this is the first time anyone had asked a question loud enough for the creature to hear. Presently, it stood up, (parting the clouds with its head) pondered a bit, boomed out, “IT CAN’T,” and sat back down.
The student was dumbstruck. “But of course.” he muttered. “It only stands to reason . . .”
[disclaimer] This joke was paraphrased from a Callahan’s Crosstime Saloon story (I forget which) by Spider Robinson.
I don’t get it.
those were all good
but i got the best:
Q:y did the chicken cross the road?
A: to get to the other side
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA:D
*Originally posted by joe gem *
**those were all good
but i got the best:
Q:y did the chicken cross the road?
A: to get to the other side
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA:D **
har har =P
at least its a normal answer…xP
bangs head on glacier
I dont have a joke, but I do have a little song!
To the tune of “I’m a little Tea Cup”
I’m a little Source Code
Short and stought
Here is my input here is my out
Thanks! I’ll be here all week!
Okay, so I like the bar jokes, here’s another one:
A Neutron walked into a bar and asks the bartender “How much for a beer?”
The bartender looks at him and replies “For you, no charge!”
I’ve got a great one, albeit an old one:
Q: Have you heard about that new pirate movie?
A: It’s rated ARRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!
Sorry. I love lame jokes. =)
Best joke ever: OUR ROBOT!!!
Hmm I got a good one.
Q: Why did the rooster cross the road?
A: To get to the chicken!
Okay so that was tastless but it’s not that bad.
heheh…
*Originally posted by dlavery *
**Best joke ever: OUR ROBOT!!! **
I would have said the same thing about our robot, but there was a requirement that it had to be a clean joke. Our robot’s nowhere near clean…
Oh. My hair. A horrible horrible joke.