Associated Press (10-10-2005) Mattel and NASA announce the partnership to team up to bring you the Astronaut Barbie Playset. The joining will be an attempt to get more young females into the areas of science and technology. The idea was conceived by NASA Engineer Dave Lavery after playing with the Barbie dollhouse set at a picnic and trying to think of new ways to bring women into the fields of science and technology. Lavery had this to say “While playing with the Barbie dollhouse at the picnic, I was moved to finally bring the most recognized toy for girls for the last 50 years into a 21’st century market” Lavery continues saying that “Each Astronaut Barbie will come with a matching pink Mars Rover for hours of enjoyment”.
Batteries are of course not included since the mini rovers run on the power of the sun… *
Heidi: “No, Timmy! That’s a bad little Timmy! Don’t eat the green jello! Those are the “Stolichnaya Specials” I made for Dave! He’s already playing with dolls. After he downs a few more of these green beauties, I’ll have enough Photoshoppable pictures to last me for decades!”
Meanwhile, Dave, holding a Barbie doll in his left hand and a Ken in his right, is happily lost in the fantasy world his befuddled mind has created…
NASA Groupie Barbie: "OMG! OMG! OMG! NASA Engineer Ken, I worship the ground you walk on! The exploration of Mars is so interesting!
NASA Engineer Ken: “Yeah, baby, I love to go where no man has gone before. I’d love to explore the uncharted terrain of your lips…”
NASA Engineer Barbie: <slaps Ken with plastic hand> “Well I’m speaking English, but you’re obviously speaking metric. Get lost, creep!” <moves on to next victim> “Oh, there’s NASA Engineer Dave! I think I’ll go and meet him!”
<Dave puts Ken down and picks up his favorite possession - a perfect scale model of himself in a pimp suit>
NASA Engineer Dave: <in deepest Barry White voice possible, interspersed with musical interludes from the soundtrack of “Shaft”> “Heyyyyyyy, baby. Chicka chicka wow wow, chicka wow, wow. What’s happenin’?”
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Some of these entries are getting slightly disturbing
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Heidi, when being controlled by a voodoo doll (presumerably the guy really far away looking down at something hes holding)
Heidi: We will be having a contest to see who can eat their jello the fastest using only chopsticks. Please be very quiet as Dave is getting old and needs his rest. On three…1…2…3…GO!
Dave: “Snort” (wakes up) We have liftoff!!
Now when I snap my fingers, you will all wake up and believe that you are Japanese tourists doing jello shots.
Except for you Dave… you will remain asleep, for now. I’ve got something much better planned for you. MUWAHAHAHAHAHA…
Now we all know one of Dave’s game ideas: use robots to fill dollhouses with Jello, however, the robots must use chopsticks. The human players, meanwhile, are using chopsticks to eat the other team’s jello. Autonomous is chasing both Dave (as the game’s publicist) and Heidi (as the game’s inventor) off the field, using vision systems that target both cameras and Hawaiian shirts.
Kids: Sounds like… sounds like ate? Heidi: (points at Pepsi can and then the guy in the background whos flexing his arm) Kids: Sounds like ate, something to do with Pepsi, and is strong? Dave(whispering): how come Heidi never lets me play FIRST cherades, It’s Beatty people… Beatty!! (goes back to playing with NASA Engineer Dave and NASA Groupie Barbie) Dave: cough, cough, Beatty, cough cough. Heidi: That’s it Dave, go sit in the corner. Dave: Ah man, not again! :rolleyes:
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If Jay wins, I think I should get a percentage of his points winnings for his unlicensed, uncredited use of copyrighted portions of my creative works. I demand restitution!
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Heidi: Ok kids, picnic 101. Ya see flys always get in the potato salad and the ants always try to get into the watermelon. Now I forgot my flyswatter today so I’m going to demonstrate how to do it with my patented “Invisi-Swatter” so the fly has no chance at all. Lavery are you paying attention!?
Heidi: Whatever. Then you assume this position this is where the picture was taken.
The reason people like me will never pass Parenting 101: “No vegetables until you finish your desert!”
<not an entry> Do you really think Mattel would go for a Dave doll? There could be Formal Wear Dave and NASA Engineer Dave and of course, Pimp Dave. Andy, you have daughters, would you buy them a Dave doll? <not an entry>
According to our best guess, in the 2006 game robots will have to use chopsticks to stack soda cans on a dollhouse. In order to design a chopstick-wielding robot, we must first learn how to use the chopsticks ourselves. Good job, kids! But please, no slurping.