And here we observe the FIRSTer in their natural enviroment. Their main Diet is Krispy Kremes and Mountain Dew. There only natural predator is sleep. The whole pack hibernates for six weeks and when they emerge they give birth to one new member. They tend to migrate to chiefdelphi and many of the members pretend to be JVN. In four years they leave. Some join new packs as alpha members. Some start there own packs. Most are afraid of the numbers 71, 111, 67, and 254. That about sums up the FIRSTer.
“You know, the last time I stared through a window like this my wife made me buy a puppy and bring it home. Don’t ever let your wife catch you staring at one like this otherwise it’s her job to pick one out and then it’s your job to pay for it, feed it and walk it for the rest of it’s life.”
It is the year 2075. The Era of the Operator Interface is over. IFI CEO JVN has long since switched his company’s focus to building beer opening robots for the increasingly lazy world population. For decades, human drive teams have toiled over their joysticks and pushbuttons in an effort to control their machines of magnificence, but no longer. Mind over machine has become the new paradigm. On the FIRST battlefield, humans now focus their newfound telekinetic powers on their mechanical masterpieces. Here we see such a drive team concentrating on their task; however, the guy on the left possesses no such powers. He is just trying to pick his nose without making it too obvious to everyone else around him.
DaveL: I’m sorry…
Dave’s Friend: I’m so embarrassed.
DaveL: I’m really sorry…
Dave’s Friend: You had to say to the guard “I’m Dave Lavery! I don’t need no stinking badges”, now we’re kicked out and have to seat here in the peanut gallery.
Inside Dave’s Head (which is a place I’d like to go someday, but I’m not entirely sure what I’d find): If only they knew how many nonsequential twenties it took for Team Hammond to get all those Championship wins. :ahh:
We now take you to a preview of the new FIRST Place attraction, FIRST: The Ride…
Announcer: If you look in front of you, we are now passing by the wax figure gallery. Here you can see each Woodie Flowers Award winner, along with Dean Kamen and Woodie Flowers himself.
Passing into the next room…shaking begins…
Announcer: Hold on to your seats! Its an earthquake! The robots will save us!
Dave: Oh look, here come the Vex bots that JVN designed for this part of the attraction. Do they look a bit small to you?
Dave: “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”
Man to Dave’s left: “Yes, I think placing all the robots in the arena at the same time was a bad idea.”
Dave: “No, I’m thinking I could have saved 15% on my car insurance by switching to GEICO ™ . I wonder if I could insure my other car.”
Dave: I can send a signal to my other cars and they respond, but my robot doesn’t. Why did we trust John and his coworkers with this job? Why, why, why?
(in the best gravelly, grouchy, grumpy old man voice - to the man next to him)
“… and back in the day, we didn’t have fun playing with robots - all we did was have fun building model rockets. You whippersnappers have it way too easy! We didn’t have none of those “remote controllers” for our model rockets, neither. We had to use cardboard tubes and firecrackers for propulsion. And when the parachutes burned up, we chased em for miles! And if we got tired or lost in the process, we just kept looking and looking, for days even. 'Cause that was all we could do, and we liked it! You young kids don’t know how good you have it!
(in the second best gravely, grouchy old man voice - back to Dave)
And we had to walk to school. It was uphill - both ways! And we didn’t wear sun glasses inside a building to block the glare - we just shielded our eyes with our hand, or squinted really hard . And we liked it! When we were done, and our head hurt from staring, we just kept it to ourselves …”
