English Essay: FIRST Style!

[Tom_Bottiglieri]

On the first day of school, I was assigned an essay to write by the first day of the next week. The topic: **Name one person or event that changed your life, and describe how this is so. ** Procrastinating as usual, I put it off to 11PM the night before it was due to start this baby. I knew I needed to do something different and interesting, something no one else in the class would possibly write about. So, I chose FIRST I decided it would be good to stick to the topic and include Dean.

Well, I finished a short while after and this is what came out… I’m definitely no good at writing, but I figured someone might be bored and get a kick out of it. Enjoy!

 If willingness to help the world grew on trees, Dean Kamen would live in the Redwood forest. Kamen is a man well known for his life changing inventions, such as the insulin pump and Segway Human Transporter. Facilitated by his scientific empire, Kamen has successfully been able to inspire thousands of young individuals to pursue a career in science or technology. I fall into that group of young individuals. In 1989, Kamen founded the F.I.R.S.T. (For Inspiration and Recognition of Science and Technology) organization, a robotics competition for high school students. This program would pair up teams of students of engineers to design, build, and compete a one of a kind robot. At first, the outreach was small, but after 16 years, the program has reached millions of students across the world, showing them just how great the field of engineering really is. While I have never met the man, Dean Kamen and his creation of F.I.R.S.T. have indirectly changed the path I am following in life.

 Growing up, I was always interested in computers and math, but just like any other child I aspired to grow up to be something out of reach, such as a rock star or professional athlete. In the eight grade, it was my love for computers, the internet, and roller coasters that helped me to stumble across the career of engineering. Having an idea for a possible career, I decided to join up with any club or course at SHS involving engineering. Robotics seemed interesting, so a few friends and I signed up and started to attend meetings. The first few months was kind of boring, and seeing as I was a freshman, my involvement with the robot and other team functions was limited at best. That same year, our team traveled to Houston, Texas for the National Championship event. At first my thoughts were “Hey cool! I can get out of school for a week and hang out in Houston!” When we arrived at the competition, any aspiration I had for the trip was completely blown away. To this day I still remember the sight before my eyes as we first found our seats in the AstroDome that hot spring day. Thousands of students and adults came together to celebrate their creations, competing in fierce “co-opertition”   that bases winning off teamwork and intelligence, rather than ruthless, mindless competition found in most professional sports today. 

 While giving a speech to thousands of students at a F.I.R.S.T. competition, Dean really hit the nail on the head when he said: “You have teenagers thinking they're going to make millions as NBA stars when that's not realistic for even 1 percent of them. Becoming a scientist or engineer is.” There are so many misguided teens in the world, not knowing what they want to do with their lives. Dean Kamen is an engineer. Engineers are problem solvers. Recently there has been a very big problem in the United States: most engineers will be retiring within the next decade, with less and less students each year graduating with degrees in engineering. So, Dean used his problem solving skills to tackle this problem, and F.I.R.S.T. was the end product. He successfully inspired thousands of students to move on to a career based on science or technology. Founding this organization surely changed the world, but this was not the first time Kamen created something to help change the lives of those in need. He also invented the wearable insulin pump to help diabetics live more normal lives, a portable dialysis machine for patients with kidney problems, and is currently working on a portable water filtration system that will bring fresh water to poverty ridden nations. Seeing one man accomplishing these feats using the simple tool of science has inspired me to become an engineer, and try to make a difference in the world. 

Since I have been involved in the F.I.R.S.T. program, my life has changed for the better. No longer am I searching for a career, or meaning to my life. I have been able to use the F.I.R.S.T. program to learn a great deal about technology, meet new and exciting people, make some great lifetime friends, and have fun doing it. I have discovered what I am skilled at, what I need to do, and who I really am. Without Dean and his great ideas and inventions, who knows where I would be today.

[tiffany34990]

nice essay! i wish i could have written about FIRST for English class…it only worked for photography assignments though. all wellz. but nice job again

[nehalita]

I thought your essay was very well-written and flowed nicely. Looks like this was a turning point in your life (I can attest to the same). Anyway, nice job =)

[Eugenia_Gabrielov]

I like the flow a lot. If your teacher didn’t know what FIRST was already, I’m sure he/she does now. Well done.

[Tom_Bottiglieri]

I think I found an error. Oops.

[19:54] Ben: o tom…in ur essay
[19:54] Ben: we didnt find seats in the astrodome…
[19:54] Ben: we found them in reliant stadium
[19:54] Ben:
[19:55] Me: oops. lol

[Elgin_Clock]

I think I found an error. Oops.

Yeah… I was wondering about that, but some of us did find seats in the Astrodome just to take in a relaxed view of the pits.

The rest of the mob went to Reliant, and found seats in their divisions which was kinda hard cause on Thursday the signs were not above the fields yet which was kind of annoying.

Same deal in 2004 in Atlanta… real annoying.

Oh, and great job by the way… Love the opening statement. I always have trouble with that.
I always get red lined version back saying “make a stronger opening”.
Looks like you mastered that.

[KarenH]

… I’m definitely no good at writing, but I figured someone might be bored and get a kick out of it. Enjoy!

This essay does NOT categorize you as “no good at writing!” The only boring thing about it is that I’ve heard the FIRST mantras and the Dean mantras a few times too often for my taste, but I don’t think your teacher will find it boring.

There are a few spelling and grammar errors, but not enough to wreck the style and flow of your essay. It may be that writing does not come easily for you, or maybe procrastination IS your problem, but you are definitely able to communicate.