I think this paragraph is indicative of why this continues to be a widespread problem where sides have a hard time agreeing on the fundamental axioms as the basis for the talks.
I personally believe that your statement of “I can assure you it is impossible to be racist against white people” doesn’t even agree with the link you provided. I also find it silly as a premise to think that racism has an implied direction, and that the contrarian view is “reverse-racism”.
The link you provided says (paraphrased of course) is that you can’t be racist toward white people because of the power dynamic. In my opinion, It’s non-sensical to believe that in all cases that a white person holds the cards in the power dynamics of all other races. That sort of absolutism makes a great literary pamphlet, or a discussion topic for a liberal arts course, but in reality, just doesn’t make practical sense. Even in the most racist areas of the USA, the Irish and Italians were also thought to be second class citizens, are Irish and Italian people considered “white”, wasn’t their an entire genocide based on race where people that would qualify as “white” were murdered?
Now, how does this apply to FRC and the behavior experienced by people? There are some number of cases, where there is a case of misunderstanding or outright ignorance where a “microaggression” was observed but it was not done with malice, or even mal-intent. There are an equal or greater number of cases where the FRC students and mentors are men/boys that are on or near the spectrum, or socially awkward at best, that fundamentally don’t understand how to associate and talk to members of the opposite sex. Then there are an equal or greater number of cases where the FRC students and mentors are men/boys who really are complete misogynists and are jerks.
A large problem in our society today, is trying to figure which of the three categories the offense resides in, because it’s not always clear or easy to see which.
I do believe that we all can do better to make life more inclusive, for anyone and everyone. The torture that ANY person feels when they feel like they don’t belong is unnecessary in a decent society. We should all be doing our part to make society decent through kindness, accepting people where they are, no matter where that is, and trying to make the world around us a better place.
I am also a contrarian in the world here, because I can’t control your perception. My act of what I think is kindness, can be received by another person as a “micro-aggression”. Here are two anecdotes from my life, that happened within a few weeks of each other (semi-recently). I was in a gas station very early in the morning, and a person that appeared to be homeless was counting the change he had and was trying to buy some breakfast foods. He was short on cash and asked me for some money to cover it. I had no cash at the time, but I told the cashier to give him all his money back and that I’d just add his food to my tab and I paid with my credit card. He said “Thanks man”, smiled and walked away. Similarly at a grocery store, there was a person in front of me that was trying to buy a couple of essentials (half a gallon of milk, some eggs, etc). Their debit/credit card was not working (it was being declined), and the person didn’t have any cash. I told the person and the cashier that they could just swipe my card to pay for it so they could have their stuff. The person looked at me and yelled, “I don’t need nuthin’ from you.” and walked away empty handed.
I don’t share that for any other reason then I believe that my motivations in both cases were identical, but one of them received the action with gratitude and the other categorized it as an offensive action. I can’t control how people receive me, my words, or my actions. I can only control doing my best to be a kind and decent person in the world around me…the rest will work itself out.