For our friends at GM

Posted by Frank Toussaint.   [PICTURE: SAME | NEW | HELP]

Engineer on team #111, Wildstang, from Wheeling and Rolling Meadows and Motorola .

Posted on 9/27/99 11:04 AM MST

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly
compared the computer industry with the auto industry and
stated, ‘If GM had kept up with technology like the
computer industry has, we would be driving
twenty-five-dollar cars that get 1,000 miles to the gallon.’

In response, GM CEO Welch issued the following press
release:

If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would be
driving cars with the following characteristics:

  1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice
    daily.

  2. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would
    lock you out and refuse to let you in until you
    simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key
    in the lock, and grabbed the tail pipe.

  3. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn
    would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart,
    in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

  4. Only one person at a time could use the car unless you
    bought ‘Car95’ or ‘CarNT.’ But then you would have to
    buy more seats.

  5. New seats would force everyone to have the
    same size bottom.

  6. The first time you’d try to use one of your car’s
    accessories (e.g., windshield wipers, heater, air
    conditioning, radio, etc.), you’d get a message saying
    that the capabilities
    required to enable the use of that function cannot be
    found.

  7. The oil pressure, temperature, and alternator warning
    indicators would be replaced by a single ‘general car
    fault’ warning light.

  8. When you step on your brake pedal, your brakes wait for
    your response to the question, ‘Are you sure you want
    to apply your brakes?’ before actuating.

  9. While calmly driving along, for no reason whatsoever,
    your car would suddenly slam to a screeching halt and
    you would get a message such as,
    ‘Fatal unrecoverable plinkl error in reblution vortex
    of wumplat yostender framistan. RETRY? CANCEL?’

    If you choose ‘RETRY?,’ you get the message,
    ‘Fatal unrecoverable plinkl error in reblution vortex
    of wumplat yostender framistan. RETRY? CANCEL?’

    If you choose ‘CANCEL?,’ you get the message,
    ‘Fatal unrecoverable plinkl error in reblution vortex
    of wumplat yostender framistan. RETRY? CANCEL?’

  10. GM would require that you also buy a deluxe global
    positioning system even if you don’t need it or want it.
    Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause
    your car’s performance to diminish by 50% or more.

  11. Every time GM introduced a new model, car buyers would
    have to learn how to drive all over again because none
    of the controls would be in the same place or operate
    in the same manner as with previous models.

  12. To shut off the engine, you’d have to press the ‘Start’
    button.

Does anyone know if GM really issued this press release?

Posted by Michael Martus.   [PICTURE: SAME | NEW | HELP]

Coach on team #47, Chief Delphi, from Pontiac Central H.S. and Delphi Automotives Systems.

Posted on 9/27/99 6:20 PM MST

In Reply to: For our friends at GM posted by Frank Toussaint on 9/27/99 11:04 AM MST:

I have seen this on the web in several places.

Its a great piece of humor.