# Jokes

Anyone have any good jokes? Here’s one to start the thread off:
Example AP test problem

Passage 1:
It was a red-blue car

Question 1
What color was the car?
a. red
b. blue
c. green
d. purple
e. yellow

e. yellow - you misinterpreted the passage.

well i guess im not passing the advanced placement test…good thing ive been accepted to the UofA anyways!

Following the Great Flood, Noah lets the animals out of the ark and gives them the command, “Go forth and multiply!”.
Some time later, he goes about checking on them and is pleased to see that they have followed his command - chicks, foals, cubs, pups and other baby animals abound. Except for the snakes - no offspring to be found

Noah inquires why they haven’t multiplied? To which the snakes reply, “We can’t. We’re adders.”.

Noah is bothered by this, and takes compassion on the snakes. What can he give them? Finally he saws some sections of logs and makes some furniture for them.

More time passes, and Noah again visits the snakes. Baby snakes everywhere!

Noah is pleased, but confused. “I thought you said you couldn’t do this?”, he remarks. The snakes smile and reply, “Oh, it’s much better since you gave us those log tables!”.

…that’s awful…

The Average Math Knowledge of Society

Two mathematicians, Joe and Richard , were having dinner in a restaurant. They were arguing about the average mathematical knowledge of the American public. Richard claimed that this average was woefully inadequate while Joe maintained that it was surpassingly high.

"I’ll tell you what, " said Richard, “when I get back from the bathroom we’ll ask our waitress a simple calculus question. If she gets it right, I’ll pick up dinner. If not, you do, okay?”

They agreed, but once he’d left Joe called the waitress over. “When my friend comes back, " he told her, " he’s going to ask you a question; you should respond ‘one third x cubed’ no matter what the question is; got that? There’s twenty bucks in it for you.” She happily agreed to the gag.

Richard returned from the men’s room and called the waitress over. “The food was wonderful,” he stated, “incidentally, do you know what the integral of x squared is?”

The waitress looked startled, then pensive, almost pained. She looked around the room, at her feet , made gurgling noises, (Joe was starting to sweat) and finally said, “Umm, one third x cubed?”

Joe beamed in relief as an astonished Richard paid the check and a clearly irritated waitress muttered under her breath, “… plus a constant.”

Math is like love. A simple idea that can get complicated fast.

ok…

this ones not so funny, but it is a joke…

there are three types of people in the world…
those that can add, and those that cant.

That reminds me, can any of you guys tell me what the indefinite integral of 1/(cabin) d(cabin) is?

Thanks for those who have submitted jokes so far. Here are a few more:

Q: What is the first derivative of a cow?
A: Prime Rib!

A mathematician, a biologist and a physicist are sitting in a street cafe watching people going in and coming out of the house on the other side of the street.
First, they see two people going into the house. Time passes. After a while, they notice three persons coming out of the house.
The physicist: “The measurement wasn’t accurate.”
The biologists: “They have reproduced”.
The mathematician: “If now exactly one person enters the house then it will be empty again.”

houseboat! That one never gets old.

ahhhhhhhhh!!!
XKCD is the best thing that ever happened!

Somewhat along the same line

there are 10 types of people in the world.
Those that have a life, and those that don’t

or another version

there are 10 types of people in the world.
Those that understand binary, and those that don’t

Here is another one

Q: What is Brown and Sticky

A: A Stick

Another

I have such a large circumference cause I eat to much pi

One more

Q: Why is 6 scared of 7

A: Cause 7 eight 9

As my 6th grade math teacher taught us, imaginary numbers are all fun and games until somebody loses an i.

“Engineers and scientists will never earn as much as business executives and sales people.”

This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two postulates:

1. Knowledge is Power.
2. Time is Money.

This can be mathematically represented as:

1. Knowledge = Power
2. Time = Money

As every engineer knows:

Power = Work / Time.

Then it follows that:

Knowledge = Work / Money.

Solving for Money, we get:

Money = Work / Knowledge.

Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of work done.

e.g. If Knowledge = 0

then Money = Work / 0 = infinity

Conclusion: The less you know, the more Money you make.

Yeah, but they’re helpless without us. Something about having to have something to sell…

There are several shirts at my college poking fun at our archrival, which happens to be a liberal arts school. (SDSMT is engineering and science almost exclusively–the exceptions are general ed classes.) One of them gives the score of the last football game (we won by one point) and the starting salaries. Ours? The shirt gives the minimum. Theirs? The shirt gives the maximum, which is about half of our minimum…

The other thing is that engineers don’t need a bailout to survive, they’ll just invent something new and make money anyway.

Q: What do you get when you cross a salamander with a pineapple?

A: (Salamander)(pineapple)(sine-of-theta.)

Q: What do you get when you cross a mountain goat with a mosquito?

A: Nothing. You can’t cross a scalar with a vector.

What do you get if you divide the cirucmference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?

Pumpkin Pi

An engineer died and reported to the pearly gates. An intern angel, filling in for St. Peter, checked his dossier and grimly said, “Ah, you’re an engineer; you’re in the wrong place.”

So the engineer was cast down to the gates of hell and was let in. Pretty soon, the engineer became gravely dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and began designing and building improvements. After a while, the underworld had air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators, and the engineer was becoming a pretty popular guy among the demons.

One day, God called Satan up on the telephone and asked with a sneer, “So, how’s it going down there in hell?”

Satan laughed and replied, “Hey, things are going great. We’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there’s no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next.”

God’s face clouded over and he exploded, “What? You’ve got an engineer? That’s a mistake; he should never have gotten down there; send him up here.”

Satan shook his head, “No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I’m keeping him.”

God was as mad as he had ever been, “This is not the way things are supposed to work and you know it. Send him back up here or I’ll sue.”

Satan laughed uproariously, “Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?”

Teacher: “Who can tell me what 7 times 6 is?”
Student: “It’s 42!”
Teacher: “Very good! - And who can tell me what 6 times 7 is?”
Same student: “It’s 24!”