That reminds me, can any of you guys tell me what the indefinite integral of 1/(cabin) d(cabin) is?
Thanks for those who have submitted jokes so far. Here are a few more:
Q: What is the first derivative of a cow?
A: Prime Rib!
A mathematician, a biologist and a physicist are sitting in a street cafe watching people going in and coming out of the house on the other side of the street.
First, they see two people going into the house. Time passes. After a while, they notice three persons coming out of the house.
The physicist: “The measurement wasn’t accurate.”
The biologists: “They have reproduced”.
The mathematician: “If now exactly one person enters the house then it will be empty again.”
http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/nerd_sniping.png 
http://comprog.freeforums.org/download/file.php?id=3<<<I hope that works…
houseboat! That one never gets old.
ahhhhhhhhh!!!
XKCD is the best thing that ever happened!
Somewhat along the same line
there are 10 types of people in the world.
Those that have a life, and those that don’t
or another version
there are 10 types of people in the world.
Those that understand binary, and those that don’t
Here is another one
Q: What is Brown and Sticky
A: A Stick
Another
I have such a large circumference cause I eat to much pi
One more
Q: Why is 6 scared of 7
A: Cause 7 eight 9
As my 6th grade math teacher taught us, imaginary numbers are all fun and games until somebody loses an i.
“Engineers and scientists will never earn as much as business executives and sales people.”
This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two postulates:
- Knowledge is Power.
- Time is Money.
This can be mathematically represented as:
- Knowledge = Power
- Time = Money
As every engineer knows:
Power = Work / Time.
Then it follows that:
Knowledge = Work / Money.
Solving for Money, we get:
Money = Work / Knowledge.
Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of work done.
e.g. If Knowledge = 0
then Money = Work / 0 = infinity
Conclusion: The less you know, the more Money you make.
Yeah, but they’re helpless without us. Something about having to have something to sell…
There are several shirts at my college poking fun at our archrival, which happens to be a liberal arts school. (SDSMT is engineering and science almost exclusively–the exceptions are general ed classes.) One of them gives the score of the last football game (we won by one point) and the starting salaries. Ours? The shirt gives the minimum. Theirs? The shirt gives the maximum, which is about half of our minimum…
The other thing is that engineers don’t need a bailout to survive, they’ll just invent something new and make money anyway.
Q: What do you get when you cross a salamander with a pineapple?
A: (Salamander)(pineapple)(sine-of-theta.)
Q: What do you get when you cross a mountain goat with a mosquito?
A: Nothing. You can’t cross a scalar with a vector.
What do you get if you divide the cirucmference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi
An engineer died and reported to the pearly gates. An intern angel, filling in for St. Peter, checked his dossier and grimly said, “Ah, you’re an engineer; you’re in the wrong place.”
So the engineer was cast down to the gates of hell and was let in. Pretty soon, the engineer became gravely dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and began designing and building improvements. After a while, the underworld had air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators, and the engineer was becoming a pretty popular guy among the demons.
One day, God called Satan up on the telephone and asked with a sneer, “So, how’s it going down there in hell?”
Satan laughed and replied, “Hey, things are going great. We’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there’s no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next.”
God’s face clouded over and he exploded, “What? You’ve got an engineer? That’s a mistake; he should never have gotten down there; send him up here.”
Satan shook his head, “No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I’m keeping him.”
God was as mad as he had ever been, “This is not the way things are supposed to work and you know it. Send him back up here or I’ll sue.”
Satan laughed uproariously, “Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?”
Teacher: “Who can tell me what 7 times 6 is?”
Student: “It’s 42!”
Teacher: “Very good! - And who can tell me what 6 times 7 is?”
Same student: “It’s 24!”
Think about this:
If the chips are down than the cows are eating pillows
3 out of 2 people have problems with fractions.
Thats about the only math joke I know or understand.
I’m right 90% of the time, who cares about the other 11%?
I heard that 72% of all statistics are made up on the spur of the moment.
Ladies and gentlemen, he asked for good jokes.
Here are a few, courtesy to A prairie Home Companion’s Joke Show:
"Last night i lay in bed, looking up at the stars… in the sky… and I thought to myself…
Where is the ceiling?"
…
Someone once asked, “After you are dead, what would you like people to say about you?”
First guy said, “I’d like them to say i was a great doctor, and a great family man.”
Second guy said, “I’d like them to say I made a difference in the lives of many people.”
Third guy said, “I’d like them to say, ‘Look, he is moving.’”
…
And a speechwriting joke:
A long-suffering speechwriter promised one last address for his ungrateful politician boss. The first page of the speech says: “Some say we can’t save the cities, improve the military and balance the budget - I say we can, and I’m going to tell you how right now. Some say you can’t have environmental protection and economic growth - I say we can and I’m going to tell you how right now.” The politician flips to the second page of the speech, which simply says:
“OK, now you’re on your own.”
(Excerpt From “White House Ghost”)
If Ken can borrow a few jokes from the show Prairie Home Companion, I’ll borrow one from the movie…
Two penguins are on an iceberg. One says to the other, “You look like you’re wearing a tuxedo.” The other responds, “What makes you think I’m not?”
One that I just remembered…
I can show that homework is a force.
Stress = Force/Area.
Stress also = Homework/Time (amount of homework/time left to finish it).
Therefore, Force/Area=Stress=Homework/Time.
Force/Area = Homework/Time
The numerators say that Force = Homework. Therefore, homework is a force.
Now…to manipulate it a bit farther. If we multiply both sides by Area/Homework we get:
Force/Homework=Area/Time
That means that as you apply more force to completing your homework or lower the amount of homework you have left, you’ll increase the open space on your desk over time. Something interesting and true…It must prove the math.:ahh: