Mea Culpa, which is Latin for “I’m Culpable” (It’s my fault), is accepting responsibility for one’s actions.
I’ve been not entirely gracious in some posts. I’m not one to suffer fools gladly, and spotting any fools, I felt it my job to educate them, a life lesson as it were, with some brutal honesty.
Keyword Brutal.
For any I’ve actually offended, I am sorry, I truly regret causing distress and will in the future avoid that intentionally, and will check my words to help avoid unintentional offense as well. We talk about Gracious Professionalism, but to live it you need to be both professional and gracious. I work very hard to be professional, specifically to provide an accurate and demonstrably true and correct answer. I label speculation and opinion as such.
Gracious? Not so much. That’s changing as of now.
The opposite of love is indifference. To truly love those in the FRC community, I wanted to help them along the path of life. I grew up (as did most everyone my age) as a free-range child. It’s different today – not better, not worse perhaps, but different. We were taught life lessons, often the hard way: Water beneath the ice is cold. Throwing rocks at wasps nests ends badly. Hold on tight or you could die. Hit someone and they might hit you back. Friends can become enemies with just a word. You get the idea. Those life lessons form who I am.
It’s time for me to stop sharing those life lessons on CD. Others get upset when I do. Your parents either raised you right or they didn’t, not my circus, not my monkey, at least not anymore. I truly wish you all the best in everything.
Thanks to those who helped me better understand this. Good life lesson. Seriously.
It’s clear to me you are incredibly passionate about this program. All of us are (I think, at least?). When things get heated, that passion unloads. It happens.
Like you said, sometimes the heat can provide lessons. In this case, I’m glad you found a way to be introspective. Just don’t lose the passion. It’s still so valuable.
I spoke up in the other thread because sarcasm is a bit of a trigger for me in FRC, since I essentially got made fun of by my mentors on the team I was on when I was a student for not having learned/understood it at age 15. Was not enjoyable, made me resent their behavior. Stuck with the program though.
Not saying I’m in the right here completely either – brutal honesty tends to work for me now for driving personal change, though tbh depending on delivery it’ll shift my opinion of the deliverer. Every student I’ve worked with has needed some degree of personalization for taking feedback, since they’re all different ultimately.
Didn’t mean to turn this into a moment though, just wanted to share because I’d had a triggered experience before. Sorry about that.
Being brutally honest is important. But so is remembering who we’re here to serve. Theres things that are obvious to be now that weren’t to little Bri, and I’m sure there will be things that aren’t obvious to me now but will be to future Bri.
One of the things that’s great about FRC is that we get to work with people on different stages of lives journey, and try to help make things a bit smoother for those who come up after us. But it’s also a reason to exert more caution in how we present ourselves and communicate with eachother. I know, ironic coming from me.
You’ve learned a lot of lessons, many of them the hard way, and there’s nothing wrong with that. But we can teach people to not get stung by the wasps without shoving them into the wasps nest. That’s called progress, and mentorship. And if people take issue with something you say, it’s not a reason to shut up, it’s a reason to reflect and speak better the next time.
FWIW, this well reviewed and selling book does a good job laying out some potential downsides of moving away from the kind of experiences many of us in an earlier generation came up through. In any case, it seems clear that something’s up (see below).
I’m not saying that book/author is necessarily wrong or that you’re doing this but I’d be careful making claims or assumptions about a single reason or even just several reasons for mental health of a whole generation. You could ask 100 different people and get 100 different reasons why mental health issues have increased from previous generations. (some people might also say that they haven’t increased. That people are just less likely to try to hide it now), and all of those reasons could be right but not paint the whole picture. There are so many things that contribute to mental health at multiple levels like social, personal, genetic, and way more. The world is also way different from how it was even 30 years ago and no doubt it’s had an affect in multiple ways.
Also not saying it can’t be talked about. It should be talked about. Just a reminder/request not to reduce the problem down to some sort of “here’s the problem with kids these days” argument.
Agreed – thanks for pointing this out. The link I provided does have supporting data, but this is not my field and it was certainly not my intent to trivialize anything at all in this area.
Very much this. Though I’d like to add that (in my experience) the more the listener trusts you and your intentions, the more likely they are to take you seriously, and less likely to take it personally.
There’s a common attitude I see that “honesty” excuses a lack of tact, rudeness, and sometimes even cruelty. I think that this attitude can actually make communication more difficult.
I advise our University’s fluid power vehicle team, which is made of a variety of different students, some from other countries, and a variety of generations. I’ve not noticed major difference in attitudes in spite of the differences. With new members, when correcting or pointing out errors/problems, I try to be a bit more empathetic, however experienced members usually get a more direct answer. With all of them, there’s always an explanation of my view, and if appropriate, suggestions for improvement. Ideally, I can show them that while I may think they’re answer/conclusion/solution/etc. is wrong, it doesn’t reduce their personal value, and that I do care about the problem.
Brutal honesty can be delivered nicely, but it takes more effort.
Doing the hard things is more satisfying than doing the easy things.
Attempt enough and you’ll fail sometimes, but look what you learned!
2 plus 3 equals five. This is literally true, and I can prove it.
But how can I convince you?
I can tell you, or lead you to learn it yourself. Guess which lasts longer.
(Yes. The self-discovery)
The self-discovery requires a lot more effort, and not all of us are good at facilitating it, but refer to #3 above. This skill can be learned.
But, sadly, not every one you try to mentor is willing, receptive or savable. Trying is always worth it because everyone is worth something but #4 might apply. Recognize failure, learn the lesson, and move on.
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There are some in my life who wish to bully me. I don’t know exactly why they wish to, but they will not win. I am stronger than I look. It is not a character fault to be confident and speak truth to power.
