My scathing review of Catwoman

CatWoman - movie, 2 stars

Okay, I’m not going to be really nice about this. The movie was CRAP. They should’ve put just the cats on screen for two hours and I would’ve been more amused. This movie screamed “LET’S CATER TO STUPID AMERICANS!” forgetting the fact there are intelligent ones that actually still go to movies for plot and substance.

There is so much WRONG with this movie. Okay, if you like seeing butt shots, clevage shots, and the like, go ahead, see this movie. It delivers that far too well. If you like to see women in leather and using whips, first go see a psychiatrist, but yes, you might enjoy the film. The movie was directed by a man who apparently has no last name, which obviously means that he is a half-wit who was disowned by his parents. Okay, so I’m a little harsh on that part.

The coordination is terrible. The opening credits (though really awesome and one of the few commendable things about the film) are TOTALLY out of place and when the movie finally gets to the part where it actually belongs, there’s really no explanation. It was a great thing totally wasted. There’s a clumsy romance somewhere in there that only serves to provide the softcore p*rn scene that Hollywood seems to demand. There’s also a gay guy who is an absolute waste of space. They use him far too much as a stereotype and really pokes out like a sore thumb in the film. If the writers knew better, they would’ve developed the mystery better, which in the film as it is makes the viewer scream “JUST KILL HER ALREADY” in the film’s absolutely anti-climatic finale. Did I just give away part of the film? Oh hell, it’s not like you’re going to see it anyways.

There are a few things I like about the film. As always, I try to look for the good things to forgive those people of the blame. First, the music was very well done. The composer worked for Disneyland Paris for some time, so perhaps I’m biased, but it was still really good. Second, Ophelia Powers was portrayed most excellently by the actress. She is perhaps the only character in the movie that wasn’t butchered, though she only got a little screen time. Lastly, the cats. To the untrained eye, the CG cats and real cats blend seemlessly, making for a beautiful element in the film. Had they developed the history of cat worship as shown in the opening credits better, it would have been a much deeper film.

In conclusion, this film had potential. At least until Hollywood came and sh*t all over it. Just watch for the cats.

If it was “CRAP,” why did you give it two stars? I often give crap zero stars when I happen to be in star-giving moods.

Odds are thats why. :wink:

And ya-from what ive heard so far, and seen trailers of, it looks incredibly boring and just the same old story. Just another production company trying to cash in off of a comic book.

lol because it had four redeeming qualities. Maybe I’m far too generous. One star would have sufficed. :stuck_out_tongue:

It didn’t seem like a movie that I would’ve liked and now with what you have just said … it’s ABSOLUTELY the type of movie I DON’T like!! :rolleyes:

But your review sure did make me laugh so thanks for that! :smiley:

And well, I should also thank you for preventing me from possibly wasting unnecessary money on a movie like that! :cool:

How much cleavage?

Okay, for the record, I’m kidding. I take pride in the fact that I’m not shallow. Unfortunately, the average American isn’t as such. So prettymuch for them, the above statement is enough to make them see it.

Back to the subject, I never plan to see the movie. 1: it’s DC. I’m a Marvel guy (and still waiting for Gambit in an X-Men flick). 2: isn’t Catwoman supposed to be evil? 3: it has Sharon Stone in it. Halle Berry I don’t mind (she has an Oscar, and she was actually pretty decent as Storm). Unfortunately, when you realize all she is doing is showing T&A, you kinda lose respect for the film and the actress. And this is coming from a fan of comic book movies (well, okay, maybe not the Batman movies).

Eh, most of the people on the IMDB hate it as well. Perhaps it’ll just go away.

oh my gosh, i’m still laughing at that :stuck_out_tongue:

My friend was talking about it tonight, he pretty much said the same thing. He said something about a part with a ferris wheel where the gear that turns the wheel fails and then randomly the cars start falling and the restraints release. He said that it was random and pretty stupid. He also said that this was pretty much the only action in the movie.

I definately won’t be seeing it.

This reminds me of the movie Gigli. (sp?) Its one of those movies that you think about seeing just to see how bad it was. I wouldn’t go see it in the movies (paying for it), but maybe if it is on satelite some time, maybe I’ll watch some of it just to see how bad it is. lol

By the way, I never saw Gigli.

I don’t see why they picked Catwoman. There are SO many better super heroes / villians to make a movie off of.

It’s one of those movies that you watch just to see how bad it is. Like, those old monster movies. Where the giant bus-sized ants/spiders/tentaclemonsters/scorpions/fish invade the town and kill people. They’re so pointless…but in some aspects if you try and reenact them while watching, or if you put it on mute and make your own dialogue…
Oh goodness that’s entertaining.

One question

I have no intention of seeing the movie, but is there any references to Batman at all in the movie?

From the review I read, no. It’s been totally separated and sanitized of all Batman references. A dumb idea, in my opinion, as Catwoman comes from the Batman stories…

Basically like Mystery Science Theater 3000! :wink: I used to watch MST3K and laugh as Crow and Tom Servo would make wise remarks and quick come backs as they watched really bad B movies. I think it’s still on Comedy Central as repeats.

normally gears dont directly turn a ferris wheel and cars falling randomly is very random… normally a motor turns a tire (with some gear reduction perhaps) which is pressed against a ‘ring’ along the side of the wheel… friction drive, mostly…
i dont like movies with random events. like when a random object falls from the sky and hits the bad guy… unless its a ‘random’ object like in home alone. now thats a fun movie. :smiley:

i saw it today … and honestly … as stupid as it was … i didnt think it was that bad … id give it two and a half stars … but then again … we were in that kind of a mood for something horrible … and we did exactly what the screen asked us not to ( we added our own commentary )… and halfway through, my friend goes “so what do you guys think ??” … and plus … there were some funny parts … like sally and anything she said or did …

but if you dont like random movies … definitely dont see this … me and my friends were in the mood for it … so we saw it and had a blast …

and to answer your question DJ, there were no references to Batman …

Speaking of B rated movies, a horror movie based on giant killer ants was filmed where I live. I’m a fan of laughing at dumb horror movies, but this one I had to turn off.
Catwoman never looked like it had potential, and i’m a plot and story guy so it’s a deff no.