pic: Marriage proposal, SAC Regional 2009 (1/2)

You can see the proposal here https://youtu.be/0nlF0jz413o posting for historical reasons.
I’ve been thinking a lot about Rebeca lately, the 6 years I had her felt like they were a lifetime and the 3 years since she passed away have felt so short without her. The team has been a big help, but some days a still really hard. After she passed away I wrote a poem to put my feelings about her, what she meant to me, and how it felt losing her to words. Because had I not done that, those feelings would have buried themselves somewhere inside of me where I couldn’t get to them. I owed it to her to make sure I would always be able to remember what she meant to me. Sometimes, like today, I read it to myself and cry.

Rebeca I love you
You gathered your courage
You told me your feelings
You said that you liked me
You thought I’d Deny you
Instead I surprised you
To you I responded with three tiny words
I said Sure, why not
Those tiny words have altered my life
They brought two strangers together in life
They marked the beginning of our path shared together
They laid the path for our love and compassion
They laid the path for our pain and our anguish
We fell in love for different reasons
You loved me because of my passion
While I adored your boundless free spirit
I knew you were my soul mate
I proposed that one year
I made sure to plan it
To get it just right
I drove out my robot
I watched the crowd wonder what I was doing
I got on one knee
A ring in my hand
The mic became useless
The crowd was cacophonous
All that I saw was Beca in front of me
Standing beside me supporting my passion
When I fell into darkness
I lost sight of my passion
I was afraid in the dark
Depressed and disheartened
You soothed my fear and showed me light
You made me fight my way back into your life
You rekindled my passion
You rekindled my hope
We ran out of money
Of places to stay
I chose to stay beside you
In that difficult time
For nowhere was home
Without you beside me
I chose to be homeless to remain beside you
I watched you continue to earn your degree
You defied the odds by fighting with spirit
We stayed together when we were apart
You showed me to strive for what you deserve
I did just that by finding a job
It fostered my passion
But kept us apart
I planned out our wedding
To bring us together
I needed a life with you as my wife
You picked out a ring that mirrored yourself
A beautiful ring and a difficult puzzle
You were beautiful that day
I’ll never forget
We moved in together
Down in the bay
You struggled to find your purpose in life
It hurt to watch your spirit diminish
I wanted to help
But didn’t know how
You fell into darkness
The same as I had
I struggled to help you
To show you the light
I was your beacon in the dark
I lost my job but continued my passion
To show you as you had me
Not to give up on what you believe
I found a new job because of my passion
It felt more like family to me
Not just a job but where I belong
I fought for my passion to show you the way
To regain your spirit you needed some hope
You had finally found yourself
You knew who you were
Your spirit came back filled with joy
Your confidence soared and you fought for your happiness
Our last days were happy and filled with love
I did not know that was the end
I went out of town to make us some money
I did not expect to come home alone
I found you at home not even moving
Your sugars were high
Your breathing uneven
I wish you had chosen to go to the doctor
We called for the medics
They weren’t far away
They came to the house to take you away
I went to the hospital as fast as I could
I hoped that you would be okay
Your heart had stopped
I watched as they fought to save you from death
You lay there not moving at all
I watched in horror as you struggled to breath
You were surrounded by people fighting for you
I stood there helpless and gripped in fear
They got your heart going
But it was too late
The woman I loved had died on that table
They saved your body
But your brain had suffered too much to remember
Too much to wake up
Too much to feel love
Too much to walk and to speak
We watched your body fight to recover
We fought to keep hope
It was hard to not know if you would come back
They helped your body recover
To give your mind a chance
When time came to see if your mind was recovering
We found it was not
Rebeca was gone
You left us your body to say our goodbyes
I went home that evening and felt so alone
You weren’t coming home
I came back later to visit your bed
I was calm when I saw you
Because when I saw you I knew what future lay ahead
We met as a family to make some decisions
They looked to me as your husband
For I had decisions to make for my wife
You were my soul mate and it was so hard
To make the decision to let you pass on
You would NEVER stand to live as a shadow
I made a decision that no one should make
I made the decision to let my wife go
I came the next day to be with my wife
I was wearing her ring and dressed up for her
I wore her favorite color when I sat beside her
I watched as they removed her support
They made sure she stayed comfortable the last hour we had her
I sat on her bed with her hand in my lap
I cuddled with her and felt her warm skin
I needed to remember that feeling for when she was gone
All I could see was my wife before me
Just like it was when I was on my knee
I told her I loved her
Told her how much she had altered my life
I watched as her breathing slowed down
She went to sleep while I held her
When she breathed her last I kissed her good night
I said I love you
Three tiny words to remember her life
Three tiny words that have so much meaning

I miss you so much Rebeca, you would be having a blast seeing how far the team has come and how many lives I’ve had an impact on. But it’s still not the same without you.
I love you.