Each year when our team goes to elect a member of our leadership, they are required to send an email out to the team. Most of the time it is all serious, but if there is a candidate running unopposed, like are returning deans list finalist, team members will submit ‘Troll’ emails. In past years, we had members running against stools, but this year we have the great honor to have Matthias the Potato running for president.
Here is the email sent out to the team:
Hello all students, members, and volunteers of FIRST Team #449:
My name is Matthias, a potato, and I am announcing my candidacy for president of this wonderful team.
Before I go into the details of why I am running for president this year, allow me to congratulate you all on a job well done! First off, with a record number of new members this year, I feel the need to congratulate all our new members. Never before in my years at Blair have I seen so much freshman activism. Good job all of you! Secondly, our team has proved itself to have the ability to build a functional, competitive, and overall aesthetically pleasing robot in the course of six weeks. Not only does this show our amazing skills in engineering and programming, it demonstrates our fundamental ability to organize, fund-raise, and communicate!
Now, enough of that. You all are probably wondering why I, a potato, am running for president.
It is actually quite simple. I feel like I am a key part of Team 449, and, while you all do not ever notice me, I have been supporting you all this entire year.
With a majority Asian constituency of the team, I feel that it is safe to say that all, if not most, of the team, has eaten multiple potato products over the course of this season. Not only do I provide you all with calories, I also supplement you with Vitamin C and potassium. Countless members of my species have sacrificed themselves to provide you with the energy you needed to advance through the season, and yet, we are merely overlooked, digested, and left to waste.
With this in mind, I have come to run to end this discrimination towards potatoes and all food products of 449.
Vote Potato for 449 president 2012, and there will be one less sad potato in this world.
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Matthias Potato
Ruler of the Solanaceae family
// phone number redacted //
One less sad potato in this world
