My friend and I over the past few years have compiled a list of funny “some say…” sayings, taking inspiration from a show called Top Gear, where a mysterious man named The Stig is introduced in crazy ways throughout the show. I’d like to share that list with y’all in the hopes that people will add to it
SOME SAY…
. . .that the robot he drives can reach 88 mph.
. . .that he once broke 3 CIMs - before he even turned the robot on.
. . .he is able to break batteries with just his mind.
. . .that he once used a hex shaft - as a toothpick.
. . .that he once delivered so many gears that Dean Kamen himself complained about the scoring system.
. . .that the climber on his robot doesn’t even need a rope.
. . .that he once built a low-boiler robot for poor children.
. . .that he only plays for the Rebel Alliance.
. . .his heart beats once every 135 seconds.
. . .that he can see your soul through his safety glasses.
. . .that he’s powered by coal. Others, by water. Still others, by red vines and authentic Mexican food.
. . .that he has no understanding of queuing.
. . .that he shut down an entire spy ring with nothing but an Allen wrench and some duct tape.
. . .that in order to keep him working, white lithium grease needs to be applied daily.
. . .that his fingernails are made of solder, and his nostrils can be used a heat gun when enraged.
. . .that if you get close enough, you can actually get a Wi-Fi hotspot from him.
. . .that he was baptized in A-9 and sleeps in a bed made from aluminum shavings and bumper fabric.
. . .that if you find him at midnight before a competition, you can witness him with his safety glasses off.
. . .that he has a pet tiger named The Stig.
. . .that his ears are actually pneumatic rivet guns.
. . .that he onced formed a band called Chain Grease; in which he played the electric triangle.
. . .that he once kicked a steel beam in half to prove he has a black belt in paper mache.
. . .that he once climbed the Empire State building using only zip ties and duct tape.
. . .that his eyelashes are really just brown zip ties.
. . .that whenever he sneezes, the drivetrain of a mecanum robot breaks.
. . .that he invented West Coast drive while on the East Coast.
. . .that his mere existence defies the laws of physics.
. . .when he hums, it sounds like a CNC machine.
. . .if you wave a stick of 80/20 at him, he’ll bark.
. . .that his teeth can be used in place of a band saw.
. . .that he is the offspring of Mario Andretti and God himself.
. . .that a strong enough magnet can knock him over.
. . .that he was the second human ever to be a pod racer before he drove robots.
. . .that he’s named after the Swahili name for danger.
. . .that one of his eyes is made of acrylic and is lubricated with WD-40.
. . .that his hair is often used for bumper padding.
. . .his bones are made of steel and his skin of bumper fabric.
. . .that if you were to hear his thoughts, you’d hear nothing but the whir of a drill press.
. . .that the government shut down because of him.
. . .that when he flies, he doesn’t need an atmosphere.
. . .that he once piloted a drone through the Kessel Run in only 10 parsecs.
. . .that he wears two pairs of Aviators, one pair for the eyes in the back of his head.
. . .his brain emits a frequency known to interfere with air traffic control equipment at medium range.
. . .that the sound of him clearing his throat mimics that of a Ford Model T starting.
. . .that he once saved a poor coastal village from a tsunami using only duct tape and WD-40.
. . .that he can identify the threat count of bolts by smell and their diameter by taste.
. . .that if you take him apart, you would see nothing but triangular supports and a small bottle of Coke.
. . .that he is immune to fire and his nostrils can be used in place of a blowtorch when enraged.
. . .that he was the real inventor of the Segway and Dean Kamen is an android used to hide his identity.
. . .that he once won The Game.