This sucks. this sucks for all of us, but particularly for students as we’re missing out on some of the defining moments of our lives, many of which will never happen again. Forced to take classes online, miss out on our robotics season, or prom, or sports, or whatever matters most to you. Trying to apply to colleges while never stepping foot on campus. Not having your SAT scores despite applying to colleges in a month. I know we’re all dealing with it, so if any other students (or mentors) have advice on how to cope with all of this, I’d love to hear it right now because this is so overwhelming.
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I’m was a Class of 2020 student, and as we went digital, my English teacher had us read this open letter. It is addressed to the Class of 2020, but it is going to apply to the Class of 2021 as well. It is from a high school teacher who lost his senior year to Hurricane Katrina.
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Thank you. This piece really spoke to me. I may share it with my classmates with the hope that they may too find solace in it. I’m really hoping things improve and we can make the most of this year, but it’s going to be a challenge for sure.
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It really does suck doesn’t it. I am class of 21, so my senior year is a little disappointing. Obviously, some people will reply and speak of the positives, but you should also know that it is okay to let yourself be upset. That’s why when things pick up, it feels so much better.
One of my buddies at the plant called me at 3:17 in the morning after his shift just to apologize to me for the result of my senior year. He didn’t do it. And him apologizing certainly wouldn’t change the future of FIRST 2021 in the blink of an eye. But he did sympathize with me, and that was more than enough. And I think that is important for this thread on CD.
For actual help, remember many great figures (not just politicians) but for the sake of recognizability, remember what Obama and Mark Hamil both said.
Probably doesn’t help much, but good luck!
Thanks for reading
Your pal on 2539
Noah
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I don’t know how much help this will be, but I’ll give it a shot.
The things high school students are missing out on, are not the defining moments of your life. I don’t want to downplay how much this situation sucks - online school is harder than in-person school for most people, choosing a college without visiting is difficult and stressful, it sucks to not be able to hang out with your friends, it sucks to not be able to do sports/FIRST/etc. It’s fully justified to be upset about those things. But (speaking as a 25 year old), your whole life is ahead of you. The pandemic will eventually end, and there are so many things ahead of you that will knock your hypothetical prom, graduation, etc out of the water.
I’m a mechanical engineer at a company that makes minimally invasive lung biopsies possible - people who otherwise would have been told “come back in a year, if the spot on the CT scan grows we’ll assume it’s cancer”, are instead able to get a diagnosis right away because of our technology. Last year I got to visit a hospital and observe a case where a man came in, had the procedure using devices I helped design, and got his diagnosis an hour later instead of a year later. That was a defining moment of my life. I’ve had other defining moments when students have told me what my mentorship meant to them. I’m not married and don’t have kids, but I can imagine those are defining experiences I still have ahead. One of my life goals is to get my pilot’s license, build a plane, and then fly that plane; I expect that’ll be a defining moment too.
Prom was a very expensive school dance that was sort of fun and sort of awkward. Graduation was a nice symbolic moment buried in hours upon hours of sitting in the sun in a folding chair while ~600 names were called. None of this is to say that high school is meaningless - I’m still close with some of the friends I made in high school, and doing FRC is the reason I became an engineer - I’m just saying that your life after high school will be bigger and brighter than the things you’re missing out on.
So I guess my advice is to try not to over-romanticize the things you’re missing, and try to keep your thoughts toward the future. Not sure if that helps, but it’s all I got
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Hard to do this with things you haven’t experienced, but I share that sentiment. At this point I definitely feel for the kids. We have postponed our wedding twice now, and are expecting to have to cancel the current June 2021 date, and at this point we’ve just accepted it. We’re sad, but that’s life. Just wish we hadn’t paid for the whole thing a few days before Covid really picked up lol.
Since then we’ve gotten legally married, bought a house, renovated parts of it, and got a doggo. These are the things that will really make you happy. Big parties can wait.
I hope what you kids get out of all this is that life goes on, and you have to make the best of what you have. Remember to prioritize people in your life, that’s really what matters. Find joy in little things that you do still have.
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I may be in a unique position: my senior robotics season was a 2-win season, and prom was kind of a bust. But I’ll take my best swing.
The thing that has helped me the most over the last six months or so was understanding the Stockdale Paradox.
Admiral Jim Stockdale was the highest-ranking military officer in the Hanoi Hilton. He was there for, I think, seven years, from 1968 to 1974. He was tortured over twenty times. And by his own account, Stockdale came out of the prison camp even stronger than he went in.
In preparation for a day I got to spend with Jim Stockdale, I read his book In Love and War . As I read this book, I found myself getting depressed because it seemed like his systemic constraints were so severe, and there was never going to be any end to it. His captors could come in any day and torture him. He had no sense of whether, or if, he would ever get out of the prison camp. Absolutely depressing situation. It’s like we can all survive anything as long as we know it will come to an end, we know when, and we have a sense of control. He had none of that.
Then all of a sudden it dawned on me, “Wait a minute, I’m getting depressed reading this book, and I know the end of the story. I know he gets out. I know he reunites with his family. I know he becomes a national hero. And I even know that we’re going to have lunch on the beautiful Stanford campus on Monday. How did he not let those oppressive circumstances beat him down? How did he not get depressed?” And I asked him.
I won’t spoil the end, and I recognize that high school seniors are going to have a uniquely difficult time putting it into practice, but it’s been crucial.
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Getting outside is huge. I’ve also been watching A LOT of TV and playing too many video games
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Get a job. Whether it’s in your field or not, a job will be a great way to keep busy, return to a sense of regular schedule, keep you moving day to day, and bring in a couple bucks.
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That’s not really an option right now. I don’t work during the school year to focus on my rigorous course load, and I can’t risk bringing the virus into my home or school. But I definitely understand the thought behind keeping busy and maintaining a schedule
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I so remember the great day in February 1973 that I was able to take off the Vietnam POW/MIA remembrance bracelet I wore on my left wrist for a year and a half (I was a Sophmore in high school at the time, and in Jr. ROTC, we had a removal ceremony)…It bore the name of Admiral James Stockdale (on my right wrist was another that bore the name LCDR USN John S McCain), that I was able to take off just a month later in March 1973, and we held another removal ceremony.
And I wouldn’t trade those 2 days as a Sophmore even today (a whole lot of years later), for my very succesful whole Senior Year.
What you are all going through Seniors of 2020, 2021 and beyond, is sucky…beyond belief sucky…and nothing we can say will reduce that.
But, it made me think back to those 2 days…and that meant 2 (and many more), Tortured American POW’s were coming home!
Compared to the end of my Junior year, when classmates just 1 year ahead of me (who never made it back home), friends of mine, graduated…they were heading off to the great unknown of war, of possibly replacing those POW’s or much worse…paying the ultimate price, and a few did. (A visit to the wall in D.C. will find their names engraved there).
So, mask up, take proper precautions, do the right things (the scientifically and medically right things, to lessen the suffering). And know “That we are…The whole world, In This Together!” And this too shall pass.
In September 1974 as Juniors (a best friend and I visited a recruiter together, took the tests, and in October, we both took a Surgeon General’s Physical each and both passed), we signed up for the US Army’s Buddy System, with delayed entry for the day following graduation in June of 1975. (The Selective Service draft ended in 1973, but at the time The War In Vietnam was still raging, and the flag draped caskets were still arriving home by the planeloads). It was not a popular wartime.
Then in the spring of our Senior year…just weeks before graduation…History changed our plans.
“Having rebuilt their forces and upgraded their logistics system, North Vietnamese forces triggered a major offensive in the Central Highlands in March 1975. On April 30, 1975 , NVA tanks rolled through the gate of the Presidential Palace in Saigon, effectively ending the war.”
We both visited the recruiter together on our assigned date on May 1st, 1975, to sign our final induction papers, we would leave following our Graduation ceremony in June. (Ok, that was our plan anyway).
His (my best friend Bruce Painter), paperwork was all in order (Basic, OTS, Language School at Monterey, CA’-in Russian, then we would both be assigned to the same area in Germany together).
My paperwork however had a few things “whited out” when I arrived. (Basic, OTS, Aviation Training School to fly a Huey, Flight assignment was whited out, and we would both be assigned to the same area in Germany together…BUT, I was informed that I had to choose another additional training course in addition to the above (and my choices were nearly endless, as long as it did not contain the word aviation), and that they promised to train me to fly, but upon completion I would never be assigned to actually fly beyond that training…so, pick another job young man! (Pick almost any job).
I lifted my pen off the signature line, asking why the changes…See, I was joining TO FLY! (I firmly requested for him to put it back in (I had dreams)…I promised to give 4 years, and possibly my life, and they promised in writing months earlier).
And I qualified, aced the testing, and the physical, had certain promises made to me by The US Army, as JROTC in high school in the 70’s was not the most popular thing around at the time as a high schooler in uniform. And I was volunteering for a minimum 4 yrs plus!
He looked me dead in the eye (I could tell it was crushing him to have ending up, having lied to me), and he said "The War Just Ended…Do you have any idea how many Huey Pilots we have coming home right now? I’m sorry, we promised to train you, and that we can, and will do…But, you will never actually fly in this man’s Army beyond that.
I asked for a few minutes to talk to Bruce. We went outside and talked. He fully understood. We went back in, I asked once more, make the guarantee whole and unchanged again, and he said he couldn’t, and I said that I can’t sign that. He said that is your right, and we will not hold it against you, since it is we, that cannot live up to our full and complete promises. We negated on you, and we fully understand, and we the US Army are sorry, but we cannot live up to our promises in full.
They nullified my contract. Bruce signed his, and we left.
We graduated in June, he said his goodbye that evening dressed in fatigues and left for basic training alone. Needless to say that too was really sucky too. Later they did not live up to his contract either…the lawsuit payout for costing him his language training and the language through non-usage, by making him an armored personnel carrier mechanic in Germany, and he was the only one on base in his unit that even spoke Russian (his dream was ASA, then working at the UN later), was a few hundred thousad dollars, upon completion of his contract!) He bought a home with the money when he got out. Life brings you lemons…make lemonade, add sugar.
All these years later, it was really for the best…You see, my oldest son is 1 of your FTA’s (say Happy Birthday Nate! It was just 2 days ago). And he is not a FIRST ALUMNI (THOUGH HE SURE WISHES HE WAS), he ended up there via his youngest brother inviting him to his first event as a freshman driver in 2011.
You just do not know what life will bring in that box of chocolates. Sometimes it isn’t your favorite, sometimes it is a suprise, and you will never really know till the years pass, and you are old and gray.
Stay Safe! You need to live to be old and gray to actually find out.
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I can assure you, having kids, and then watching them hopefully having kids…WILL CERTAINLY BE SOME OF YOUR MOST DEFINING MOMENTS!
Last pc of advice. (And I do not want this to devolve the thread into another political debate, as we do not need another thread locked today.)
If you have time, get together digitally, reach out NOW, figure out ways you can get non registered American Voters, registered to Vote NOW…and push them to just go vote in 39 days, not how to vote or who to vote for. BUT TO VOTE.
Convince them you need them to vote for all of you, that you have hopes and dreams, that in order to see those hopes and dreams through, that they need to vote for you. They all need to vote if elegible. But, they need to be registered TO VOTE.
Simply because…It didn’t need to be like this.
Good Luck.
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Using this time to develop or strengthen the self discipline to keep your time and efforts focused on the things that are important in your life will pay dividends throughout your life. There are many ways to do it, depending on how your mind works and your situation. There are even apps like Trello and Business Calendar that you can install on your smartphone to help with this.
Some of my schoolmates flunked out in college because they did not manage their time and efforts effectively. Some of them actually did very well in high school but in that environment, a schedule is imposed on the students. In college, no one takes attendance and no one chases you if you don’t hand in assignments.
I really respect the opinions above here, and I second them. I think the article that @Tinnittin linked was especially wise.
I’ll add on as well. Don’t tell yourself it’s fine when you know it’s not. Right now, things really aren’t fine. Hopefully for you personally, you are safe and healthy, but we know things should have been better for you. The important perspective to keep is that everyone faces challenges throughout their lives. Every diagnosis, every death, every failure, loss, and missed opportunity is like what you’re experiencing now in some way. This is a really big loss, but it is a matter of degree, not of category. So I don’t know exactly what you’re going through, but I still do in a way—we all do.
Don’t look at it as everyone else didn’t have their senior year turned upside down, but now I do. While it’s true that this exact situation wasn’t around in any other year, everyone has gone through something. One generation had their childhood innocence shattered by 9/11. Another lost tens of thousands of their peers in Vietnam, as @cglrcng reminded us. And that’s just a US-centric couple of examples. You could make similar points for just about any place in the world, and of course that’s not even counting the uncountable individual hardships that come up for individuals.
As a bit of levity, take my senior year as an example.
I missed my last day of high school with my eye swollen shut from taking a baseball to it. By the time of my commencement, I could see again, but I still had a shaved eyebrow for the stitches and plenty of colorful bruises. Not exactly how I pictured that moment. Now, I’m not bitter—I share that story freely, and I laugh it off.
This isn’t to compare the experience of living through either of those times to living through now. They each have their own unique contours, and are not directly comparable. But it is to say that everyone faces something, maybe not exactly during their senior year, but at some important point in their lives. It’s easy to feel like the world was sailing along on placid seas until something big happened just as you were stepping into it. I’m six years older than you, @BriFRC. The students six years younger are just starting middle school, give or take. This pandemic will be just a dim memory for them by the time they are in your shoes as high school seniors. I was that age during the 2008 financial crisis, and I remember it only in an academic sense. I know my parents talked worriedly about how much we owed on our house at the time, and some friends had to move away for their parents to find new work, but I didn’t see it on the news every day. I didn’t feel the impact of that event like someone six or ten years older than me, who was graduating into the job market, did. To the class of 2027, this year will be just a weird time when they went to school on the computer for a while. Undoubtedly, something else will happen that feels defining for them. Again, it doesn’t mean your experiences aren’t important; it just means you’re not alone.
All in all, things happen in life that suck. That doesn’t mean life sucks. It is endemic to the human condition (sorry, I won’t go on sounding too philosophical) to face adversity at times, and it’s an old saying that tragedy plus time makes comedy. Of course, for all the lives that have been lost this year, it’s no laughing matter. But when you make it through, you will be able to look back ruefully on this whole year, and reminisce about all the things you missed out on. The stories you’ll share with the people you’ll know in the future about all the things you didn’t get to do will be worth just as much as the memories you would have made if you could have done them. It will be easier because you’re sharing this experience with everyone else who’s in the same boat. I know that doesn’t mean much now, but lean on one another, keep your head up, and put one foot in front of the other.
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You Ekcrbe are wise long before your time young man. Well said and sage advice.
And now…For the rest of the story! The News cycle has another very expected twist. Reported earlier this evening…The American President (and his bride FLOTUS), just became the 3rd World Leader to test positive for Covid-19, 32 days before the US Presidential election, and they are now in quarantine in the Presidential Residence.
Hope Hicks his very close Presidential Advisor tested positive early Thursday, but was showing symptoms of Covid-19 Wednesday night at a Rally (she was quarantined aboard AF1, while the rally went on), and they have all traveled together (along with many untold others, including the entire first family among them), to the presidential debate on Tuesday on Marine One, and Air Force One.
All, along with throngs of many others, also attended multiple indoor non-masked events at his New Jersey Golf Club earlier Thursday…Including a major donor Republican fundraiser, AFTER THE KNEW THEY HAD ALL BEEN EXPOSED AND TESTED WHILE AWAITING THE RESULTS, of said tests.
Karma comes a knockin,’ when people go a mockin’! (MASK UP FOLKS!) Please.
Always think about others, and protect yourselves. We are “ALL IN THIS TOGETHER!” Now.
That is not being political, just scientifically smart, and medically aware…The virus could not care a whit. It has 2 jobs, replicate to infect, and infect to survive. (It knows no political or geographical bounds or limits). It is an airborne and highly infectious agent.
Stevie Wonder could have seen our now current Presidential infection(s) coming from 20 miles away. You cannot tempt fate with a Global Pandemic afoot, and think you are the safe one because you simply get tested, and have everyone else tested, that comes near you. We can talk and breathe through masks…So, please use them. And, do not ever mock others while you tempt fate, nearly every moment of every day acting tough.
This virus is a lot tougher.
Karma will knock on our doors if we do.
sir, this is a Wendy’s
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It makes me sad to see someone rejoice when another gets sick with a deadly virus.
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Fascinating.
Since the onset of COVID the largest safe meeting size has been one.
Can you provide any evidence that you espoused this approach?
It’s always fascinating to see those willing to critique others for what they, themselves, are not willing to do.
Advice for students: Honesty and Integrity, also worst-case and not best-case!
I never rejoiced in anyone getting any illness, just stated facts, it was inevitable given the large mask-less gatherings (and their totally disregarding of their own CDC’s requirements and directives) , and for providing personal evidence, oh yes.
I have personally only left my own home only 3 times, since March 9, 2020 (neither time did I meet with anyone on the first 2), save the 3rd time, when we all 3 who live in our home went together same car (windows down), early on a Saturday morning by appointment, to a drive-in covid-19 testing site run by a medical facility and conducted at the local community college parking lot in early September, where we were the only vehicle there, and were tended to by fully PPD’d up medical personnel, just before my wife switched from only distanced, to in class face to face teaching. So, we knew via negative results, that we were all negative before she started meeting again with students in the classroom to both get a baseline, and to protect her students).
I have seen the 2 people personally daily in the abode I live with everyday (My Educator wife and my Father-in-law, who is in his 80’s and had a triple by-pass in January 2020)…So, you see, I am being extra careful that my personal actions do not result in the possible covid-19 caused death(s) or illness, of all of us, but especially him!
And only 1 of my 3 sons, has stopped by exactly 2 times, another exactly 1 time in over 7 long months (though both live in the same city as we do, they both work very safely with the public in a local business owned by one of them), and both entered fully masked, stayed better than properly distanced, and neither stayed but mere minutes on any of the very short visits (we do text a lot). We all practice good daily protective measures for ourselves, each other, and others.
I have met with team members recently…VIA ZOOM MEETING only thus far. None of us attend political rallies, or other community events. (At this point, my Father-in-Laws life, as well as the lives of my wife’s students and staff members, is too important to do otherwise, and I am no spring chicken myself either at 64).
I will say it again…It is not political, it is scientific and medical. I will continue to stress Mask Up, Socially Distance, Wash those hands constantly, and stay safe ya’ll. Care about one another. And we will reduce the unnecessary death and illness together.
I do espouse to that approach, and am willing to limit myself, and my personal contacts. You see, I have for an extensive period of time thus far. I will further state that I believe political rallies or events of any size currently (based on recent event evidence/results), are quite dangerous to the attendees and their eventual personal contacts IMHO, and dangerous to our country). And, if by now in the US, if registered to vote, and you have not yet decided who for, then you simply have not been paying much attention.
Back now I hope, with helping Students- Looking for advice on coping with disappointment in the Covid-19 era.
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Forgive me for asking, but I’m a little confused as to how this is relevant to the OP?
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