Goodness, I really appreciate the heck out of the volunteers. The ones that I have worked with have been great. I have worked Pit Admin a few times with some great people - but you do see some things. All in all some of the better times at a regional.
Then this one time I was assigned Inspection Manager. That experiment was memorable for all involved. I still have not stopped apologizing for the disaster it was.
Things you need to know:
- I have an innate fear of authority, to the point where my tongue swells at times and I blurt out random things.
- At the age of 38 I developed allergy to shellfish.
- I am highly abstract-random - you would notice this within moments of meeting me. I think. Still crave those delicious little shrimp in jambalaya.
I think that sets the stage for what happened during my incursion as the ‘Inspection Manager’ in Duluth a couple of years ago.
That year Duluth Regionals followed Fat Tuesday. Every year one of our PE teachers brings in her jambalaya leftovers (she is Puerto Rican, makes the best jambalaya) - I had eaten it every year for over a decade. But age and exposure set it and in no short time I was being loaded into the meat wagon sweating, nauseous, and my blood pressure ran 190/120… it was a party. At the emergency room they were out of the ‘regular beds’ so I had to be put into a ‘birthing bed’ complete with stirrups. They shot me up with a small regimen of drugs and at some point my sister (nurse at a different hospital) came in to be with me. She kept asking if I was alright and if I needed to throw up. I guess one of the side effects of the drugs was possible vomiting. My nurse returned in just in time for my stomach to turn over the culprits. She was on the receiving end, just beyond the stirrups.
Funny thing about having your legs in stirrups and needing to vomit - it enhances the velocity of vomit.
I covered her with everything that was in my stomach. She turned to me and stated “well, you weren’t lying about eating sausage”. I couldn’t stop laughing - my sister looked at me and said “you are such an embarrassment”. Fun fact, the attending nurse, the victim, was also one of my soccer players moms - my finest moment as a coach.
The doctor came in and went through everything and then told me that I was to take the next few days off and rest. I told him that I had to get out of there as soon as possible because I had to be in Duluth two hours ago. His statement - one that I still hold dear - “What do I know, I am just a doctor.” My sister’s head was in her hands.
Fast forward to the regional and I was really trying to do my best to do what an Inspection Manager does - manage the inspections. God bless those RI’s and LRI’s - I was a complete disaster. At one point one of the LRI’s (we typically have two at every regional in MN) looked at me from across the table as he sat in my seat and stated: “You know that I am doing your job”. My response was “you know, I really don’t give a crap”. Man, I can blame that response on so many things, but in that moment my fear of authority was suddenly vacant as was my situational awareness.
Per a beneficially mutual agreement between all parties, I have not volunteered since.
But God Bless all of you at that event that year… and I am still very sorry.