Thanks to my mom for sending this (gee, if only I could give her reputation):
Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?
GEORGE W BUSH: We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either against us or for us. There is no middle ground here.
COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
HANS BLIX: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road I am now against it!
RALPH NADER: The chicken’s habitat on the other side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrial greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hard-working American.
RUSH LIMBAUGH: I don’t know why the chicken crossed the road, but I’ll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I’ll bet that somebody out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the roadpaid for by their tax dollars. And when I say tax dollars, I’m talking about your money, money the government took from you to build a road for chickens to cross.
MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer’s Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay — isn’t it obvious? Can’t you people see the plain truth in front of yourface? The chicken was going to the ‘other side’. That’s what they call it the other side. Yes, my friends,
that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like “the other side.”
DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I’ve not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain. Alone.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
GRANDPA: In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
BARBARA WALTERS: Isn’t that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warmingstory of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its
life long dream of crossing the road.
JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together - in peace.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
KARL MARX: It was an historic inevitability.
RONALD REAGAN: What chicken?
CAPTAIN KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has ever gone before.
SIGMUND FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES: I have just witnessed eChicken2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook, - and Internet Explorer is an integral part of the Chicken.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chick. What is your definition of chicken?
COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?
AL GORE: I invented the chicken!
THE BIBLE: And God came down from Heaven, and he said
unto the chicken, “THOU SHALT CROSS THE ROAD.” And the chicken didst
cross the road, and there was much rejoicing.
I’ll add a couple now:
BRANDON MARTUS: To make this Make Brandon work day.
DEAN KAMEN: To inspire students to take an interest in science and technology.
DAVE LAVERY: Because he was trying to drive my other car!
That Hemingway one is so dead on it’s scary lol.
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